I Dont Know What I Feel...just Need To Tell Someone

[kwheel]

Hi,

When I was 11 I was molested by my moms close friend, an older man who was helping us financially as my step dad was an abusive drunk who wouldnt work and my mom had a list of mental problems (bipolar, schitz. etc...) and couldn't hold a job. because of the circumstances I didn't tell anyone and when custody of my brother and I was finally rewarded to my real dad who was stable I still received phone calls and messages through my mom from the man. I had nightmares for a while but still I never told. I'm 22 now I still haven't told anyone even my bf (and bff) of 5 years. I have a very strained relationship with my mother and have always debated on whether or not I should tell her that her only friend molested me. I recently found out that the man died and was considered a jewel of his community. Im not sure how I feel about this. I should feel happy i guess...maybe relieved. and i still don't know if I should tell my mother I mean it wouldn't change anything now why ruin her idea of this man that she's had for so long. Just thought this would be a good place to rant and maybe get some feed back before making a decision.

Thanks.

[angelic]

hello kwheel

welcome to After Silence, I'm Paula, one of the newbie support team here. Yes this is a good place to rant, talk, get opinions and feedback, and of course, support too,

If you need any help with the board, please let me know, I will do my best to help

take care, Paula

[reglois]

that you need to be here

[tina619]

My attacker is long dead but still see his face in my dream he hanut even in death. but i hope AS help you.

[reglois]

My attacker is long dead but still see his face in my dream he hanut even in death. but i hope AS help you.

Same here, in April he will have been dead 3 years but I am still not *free*

[Elizabeth2point0]

I can relate to your indecision about telling your mother. My mother sexually abused me and I have yet to tell my father. I have a history of protecting him in a way. He is up in years and I don't know that it's worth putting him through that knowledge at this point. There are no easy answers, are there? I am glad you are dealing with this stuff at such a young age, though. I am in my fifties and just trying to wade through it all. Good luck to you and hang in there.

[kwheel]

@Elizabeth2point0

no, there are definately not any easy answers but just knowing that im not alone in feeling this way makes me feel a little better. I feel pretty guilty for not telling my mother but I dont want to hurt her and then at the same time I do want to tell her because I think of some pretty terrible things she has done to me (not physically) and I think why should I care if it hurts her because she doesnt know that I know about the things shes done she thinks everything is hunky dory which i guess is my fault. Idk

Thanks for the feedback I really appreciate it.

[~FOUND~]

Welcome!