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Finding Balance Without Support


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Hello everyone!

I found this forum on my own while searching for ways to express my healing process to those closest to me. I was sexually abused by my father at age 7. He left when I was 6mo and came back to visit once a year, the abuse happened the last time I saw him.... that was 20 years ago. It took me 5 years to tell my mother because she has been battling Crohn's disease for 35 years, which only escalated to several other problems including suicide and depression. I have been taking care of her most of my life and now that it's time to take care of me, she isn't being supportive. My mother has never dealt with any of her issues, one being my father leaving her, another being her disease, and the list could continue for many pages. I have chosen a life of happiness, of freedom. But now, at age 27, I feel stuck. I feel confused and as if I'm running in circles. I started seeing a therapist thinking it was because I was constantly taking care of my mother, constantly checking in to make sure she's okay and not suicidal or took too many pills and passed out. I have separated us over the years and now live over 1,200 miles from her. I thought that was still controlling my life, but through therapy, I have found out that a lot of it comes back to being molested at such a young age, and only burying it deep inside to have it slowly creep out of me so many years later. Once I told my therapist about the incident, I felt as if my world was flipped upside down. I can't seem to pull myself out of bed, everything I've searched for over the years that have made me happy, that have provided stress relief, are no longer helping. I told my mother I was seeing a therapist and she only lashed out at me. She repeated that "my childhood was good" with a stern response. Then continued to carry on with horror stories of what my father put her through (he was married when my mother and him created me.. and then he left the woman to be with my mother, only to continually cheat on her, etc). My mother has grown to be a very selfish person, and I love her, but she is not supportive of my healing process because she herself has not healed. So, here I am.... turning to strangers on the internet for words of encouragement :/

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Hello graciouslotus,

Welcome to AS. I am sorry about the trauma you have suffered, but please know that his is a very supportive site. You will find the members understanding and kind. To me, it sounds like you have been the parent, caring for your mother. It's not easy, I know, but I am glad you are starting to concentrate on yourself. I wish you well on your healing journey.

Mary

:supportu:

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  • 2 weeks later...

Welcome to AS, I'm sorry for what has brought you here, but I hope being here will help you in your healing journey,. My name is Paula and I am a member of the Newbie support team here, if you need any help with the site please let me know

take care , Paula

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