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I'm The New Kid In School


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Hey. My name is Amanda and I'm 27. I was sexually assaulted by a good friend of mine in 2008. Originally, I kind of shut down. I didn't talk to anyone about it and when I told my psychiatrist about it (I was seeing him for an entirely different issue), he immediately said that I was experiencing PTSD, which made me mad and made me shut down even more. I didn't tell anyone else about it for months, not even my dad.

I have had mild issues with it over the years. I became really active on my college campus and even planned three Take Back the Night rallies. I told my story at the last one I attended before graduation.

Now I work in a domestic violence shelter and have been experiencing a lot of triggers lately. I had to attend a mandatory sexual assault training last week (three days+seven webinars). It was hard and it brought back a lot of memories and feelings that I had repressed. I told my boss what was going on and he was surprised, but has encouraged me to reach out for some kind of help. I am waiting for a counseling center to call me back to set up my intake appointment, and I decided to join this group because it somehow feels safer to talk to some faceless strangers about this.

My boyfriend has also encouraged me to reach out. I have had two panic attacks during sex with him in the last few weeks, and I'm kind of scared to sleep with him again because I don't want to have another panic attack.

Anyway, that's me, in a nutshell.

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Hi Amanda,

Welcome to AS. I am really sorry about your trauma, and I understand shutting down. I did it for 30 years, before I found AS and decided to reach out, as you are now. I admire all you do to fight back for you and others at your college campus. It is an accomplishment to work thru triggers to do so. I do wish you well on your healing journey and hope to see you around the boards.

Mary

:notalone:

Edited by MeBeMary
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Hi Amanda; I sympathize with you being new (me too!), and shutting down (me too!). I've recently started working with a therapist. You are so brave to do the work you do and to have worked against abuse. I hope I can be that brave some day and make it less likely that others will be abused. I look forward to reading your story (when you're ready) and working alongside you on our different but parallel journeys.

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:aswelcomesu:

Hello amandapanda,

welcome to After Silence,

my name is Paula and I am one of the Newbie Support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you have any questions or need any help, please contact me or one of the team

take care

Paula

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Welcome Amanda. I am new as well, and already enjoying the support and understanding which permeates this place. I feel myself relaxing.

I, also, have accomplished some important things for "society" (even with my dark secret), and I am sure that folks looking at me, and interacting with me, would never suspect my demons and nightmares.

Short version: I think this will be a place where neither of us have to be "on stage" I hope I find that to be as relaxing and fulfilling as it seems like it should be. I want to relax here and take care of myself. I hope my ego and my need to be acknowledged and appreciated do not get in the way of the next best steps for me.

I deserve relaxation and healing . And so do you. What was done to us was not our fault. We are good people who deserve to rest, and the deserve t.the best

Let's rock this place!

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