My World Fell Apart

[Anya27]

Hi Guys . I am new here and have been reading the forum for 2 months and joined yesterday . First of all great forum and can relate to alot of u .

I have been in a abusive marriage for years and I was just starting to get independent from a year and things got worse for me since March etc . I was thinking of divorce as I brought it up before . I do have 2 young kids so I have to think about them too. In Sept I was sexually assaulted by a business contact friend who I did trust . Not ready to go into details but he is a predator. Everything was just too much for me so I overdosed in Oct and now am diagnosed with PTSD due to 2 incidents abuse and the assault . It is the worse thing to do for sure, overdose . The only thing is I stated to speak out and fight . I was just able to open up about the assault a week ago. I am in therapy now and might pursue the divorce . I dont know whether to pursue the assault thing right now . These r more difficult as it is an aquaintance and it has been couple of months now. The thing that worries me is that guy had affairs throughout his marriage and is after very young girls . He is very manipulative, but Im not scared of him. I keep quiet all throught my life and peopel have hurt me . I feel I need to speak out atleast .It kills me to think it might happen again to someone and I didnt speak out . I will be taking legal advice. I have taken for the marriage and it does feel better to let things out for sure .

I have lot of love for everyone here and u all r amazing . Thanks for sharing .

Thank you for listening

[lily23]

Welcome to AS, Anya!!! I am sooo sorry for the abuse and assault you have endured. You are very brave for reaching out here, speaking out, and wanting to take legal advice.

[NorskyCourtney]

Oh goodness, Anya. I'm so sorry for everything that you've endured - what horror.

Welcome here to AS. I'm glad you're feeling welcome and able to relate to us. You're among people who care and truly do understand on these forums, so I hope you feel more welcome and comfortable as we get to know you here. You're a very brave woman.

[Goewin]

Welcome!

I just want to say that if you are feeling safe and healthy enough, pursuing legal action against your acquaintance would be good... However, do not hurt yourself to bring justice to them. your attention and time is valuable, and while charging them with the crimes they committed is noble, so is caring for yourself.

Best of luck, for the path you choose!

[Anya27]

Thank u so much for your support . I appreciate it so much . I will never ever go down the road of trying to hurt myself , I just felt reduced to nothing and no where to turn though. I have found a voice since then and I thought of leaving the assault part but I have realized he is on the look out again and that worries me that I never did anything . I am feeling much better now after these months so I will definitely be keeping you updated. It will be hard to prove as we did have a friendship/business relationship but he turned on me and I have to think of the divorce if I pursue it which is separate.

Thank u again .

[reglois]

if OK brave of you to think about leaving and reporting

[Anya27]

Yes Thank u sooo much ..means a lot

[Anya27]

Sorry I was just reading the forum guidelines . Sorry to post some details here int he welcome thread ....

[angelic]

Hi Anya

Welcome to After Silence, my name is Paula and I am one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help with anything, please let me know

Take care, Paula

[Raindancer]

First of all, thank you. Your use of the word predator was so helpful for me as I embark on dating as confidence is so important there and it is best done by predators. You made my day! Now starting out with me, that out of line? There is a point to be made here. When hurt, we can close down. Maybe with 2 kids you have not been able to, yet knowing we make a difference for others here is also part of the journey. I am sorry for your pain. yes, part of ptsd is wanting to throw in the towel sometimes. That must be pretty overwhelming for you when thinking about a divorce and pretty on assault. I can see how it would be important as if he is manipulative and preys on young girls that him being dealt with is helpful not just for your own vindication but for others safety. At the same time this must be so much to deal with. I wonder if there are days you feel pretty drained and tired from having this much on you at the same time. The concerns for the kids and all the practical stuff. The practical stuff is ever so hard when the heart is trying to find strength to make it day to day. I hope therapy goes well and the ouch of this gets eased and you can take care of all of it with all the support you need. Am new hear also. Will maybe give ya a shout here and there. Best to you in how this goes

be gentle with you there

Edited January 12, 2015 by Raindancer

[Anya27]

Thank u Raindancer for ur post and I am sure u will find someone who cherishes & treasures & treats u as u deserve . U seem to be a very strong & caring person so glad to meet u . Yes it is a lot to take on but I kept quiet all my life and maybe its sad 2 things happening at once but maybe I will and can deal with it and it will bring bigger and better things into my life. I will take care of myself for sure first and then kids and deal with other stuff

Thank u again & Im sorry to use the wrong word but meeting someone like that is very rare ..I truly believe there r tons and tons of good people out there ...I came across the wrong one . Good luck in the dating scene ....I hope u meet some amazing people .

[Janedoe5]

@anya

I too am new here too... I to have been down a similar path and I hope you the best of recovery.... Stay strong 😃

[Raindancer]

Hi Anya,

When things are settled in your life you will have room for better and i hope the right sort of better finds you with no problem at all. It is tough having to go through as much as you are at the same time. Getting support now so essential. Ty ever so much. What people see as strength varies so I am seen as weaker by those who do not deal with heart so much yet those who do are seeing a very different angle. I try to be caring, though had a full scale meltdown that horrified me a couple of months ago. Even if not hateful me saying something scathing is not typical so was an ouch (hopefully not seen one by a couple of people). Usually I am hyper careful. Being with someone who sees me as careful not to harm rather than weak would be nice. A gentle hand from each side sounds great! For you, that the business contact was a friend you trusted does hurt. Wounded trust makes it all so much worse. And if all your life you have been hurt it makes it tougher yet. Something about feeling safety later and then something happening again it is harder. Coming across the wrong one is not what you needed. I hope the healing goes well for you and you have every bit the safety and support you deserve.

Be good to you there

Rain

[Anya27]

Hi Jane Thank u ...nice to meet u and thanks for ur support ... Hope to get to know u better and it is nice to know Im not alone ..was feeling that way ..Im glad I found this forum ..cant say enough how many amazing strong people r here

Hey Rain ...Thanks for ur kind words ...U have a beautiful way of putting ur words out there ...very eloquent ! Its nice to see u r atleast learning what u r worth & what u deserve in this life because u really do deserve the best of the best ...Im so sorry u had a melt down ...I hope u r ok now and healing is a process ...I can relate to what u said as some people seeing being careful or dealing with the heart as a weakness ... their loss ...its good to be carful and in touch with our heart ... I was just with someone like that no heart and they want to see everyone around them unhappy and heartless too ....I know it will be a lot to handle 2 things at once but I will do i t...I have a consult with couple of lawyers ...since it is an friend etc I dont know what to expect but I will at least bring it to light ...not looking forward to going into the details with them as I have just opened up about it recently but I will ...I have a lot of flashbacks ..it was so bad a couple of days ago I met someone and he introduced himself and he had the same name as that friend and I just stood there in shock and couldnt get a word out and started shaking ...that person must have thought what is wrong with her ...I mumbled something and left so the healing will take some time for all of us ....we will get through it ...look forward to getting to know u ur story more ...u r truly inspiring and very supportive ....I just know u will find that special someone and it is never ever too late ...maybe it hurts to look at lost time but then again look at me I also maybe wasted some years with the wrong person but thn again I wouldnt have my 2 little boys and I would do anything to have them in my life go through anything ....but I know a lot of people who started over and found the life they r meant to have .....take care & Have an awesome day

[Jaybird13]

Hi Anya,

I am new here too good luck with everything, this seems like a great place for support

[Anya27]

Thank u so much Jaybird.... its nice to meet u and looking forward to getting to know u more .....have a great day