Hello, New Here

[KelseyJo]

Well I signed up for this website a long time ago when I was very depressed and had no one to talk to, and didn't realize how long confirmation took. Just checked through old emails and saw I was confirmed so here I am. I was molested by my brother for three years and in the middle of it I was raped by a boyfriend for a few months. I'm fine with the boyfriend part, really. But the molestation part I'm not. I kept it hidden in the back of my brain locked up for years after it ended then one day it all just spilled out and nearly killed me really. So now it comes and goes, I tried to go to therapy but once she told me I had ptsd and treated my like some fragile crazy person I left and never went back. I've been dealing with it, not really, just running from it, I get a headache every time i think about it. So I found this website through a post-secret online forum, I was really depressed one night and needed to get some stuff out, but that didn't happen. So I'm back again, not so depressed just kind of numb and trudging through life. Sorry if none of this makes sense I don't know how to go about talking about this.

Umm, I have a fiance, we will be together for five years this November, I've lived with him for four. I love him so much it kills me that I cant be 100% for him with this looming over my head. He knows about it, but i cant/don't TALK about it with him cause that's weird and just too much for a second person to take on. I talk to him about how it went down how i stopped it and such. But there's sooo much more I want to get off my chest that I really don't feel appropriate discussing with him. Sooo yea this is me I guess.

[lilly1978]

Welcome Kelseyjo. I'm sorry for what you went through,; you didn't deserve that.

Hopefully you'll find some support and understanding here.

[reglois]

you have to be here, if OK

[LJC88]

Thank you for sharing that. Always remember that you're the normal one when it comes to what happened to you. Also, it takes a lot of strength and trust to tell someone you love about something like that. I would talk more about it with your fiance if he brings it up. He might not be ready to talk about it yet. But it would help you a lot to talk about it with someone you love and trust. Also, I suggest trying to meditate and trying to take control of your memories. You can't change what happened to you but you can change how much your memories can control you.

[Girlkat]

If you want to try therapy again please know that sometimes it takes a few tries to find a therapist that you really get along with. it's like any other relationship.

[angelic]

Hello Kelseyjo,

welcome to our community, I'm glad you';ve joined us. I;m Paula, one of the newbie support team here. I hope you are finding your way around the board okay, if you need any help, please contact me any time

take care, Paula

[KelseyJo]

Thank you all for your kind words. I'm really hopeful about this website now and hope it'll help me through this journey.

[~FOUND~]

Welcome!