Reintroduction

[waifstray]

hello,

i feel the need to reintroduce myself.

these past two years have been such a haze for me. i didn't even remember i had an account on this site and tried to register again, but i was not being accepted by the administrator, then finally got to thinking... wait, am i already a member? turns out i was! my memory is not very good.

i didn't post often and my last posts were in 2010 - talk about a throw back. it was just after an incident.

the thing is, since then,

i have had a flood of CSA/child exploitation memories that back in 2010 i was not aware of. very chilling to think about... i was not even aware of them yet.

/end trigger

in november 2011 i had memories come back to me and it has been quite the time since then. bits and pieces coming back. nothing quite as reality shattering as that first realization. sigh...

i feel broken.

hello again.

[lily23]

Welcome back, waifstray.

I am sorry you have been having a rough time, but I am glad you have found you way back to AS.

You are not broken... I am really sorry you feel that way. You can heal...even though it may be difficult and new memories surface, there is a light at the end of the tunnel (sorry for the cliche).

Safe hugs, if okay.

[waifstray]

thank you lily23, i do believe that there is healing, it just seems a little dim right now because.. i use to be so capable. and then after the memories, i can't do anything. :c i dropped out of school, i can't hold a job.. i've had 4 jobs since remembering, i get more frequent psychosis episodes, more paranoia. it is difficult.

but i am an optimist. thank you for your support.

[reglois]

Welcome back

[lucyinthesky]

Welcome Back!!

[angelic]

Welcome back waifstray,

hope being back here will help you. If you need any help with the board, please contact me

take care, Paula

[NoMoreMonsters]

Hello, waifstray!

You are not alone in your struggles. ( ?) I was repeatedly sexually abused by my older brother -- twice when I was six and repeatedly through my 6th and 7th grade years. ( end of trigger) I remembered it well enough to write a police report and answer all sorts of questions, but when it came time for his trial, I suddenly realized that I couldn't remember a thing, and was basically forced to accept his lawyers' plea bargain offer because of that. Oftentimes, we don't remember things like that until much later.

I used to hate that about myself; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember, and couldn't answer the questions people asked me, nor stand up against the attacks of those members of my family who didn't want him to go to jail. Even now that I do remember, most of it is in bits and pieces, as though I have a million puzzle pieces that I don't know how to put together. But I have come to realize that the brain is an amazing tool, and the reason I couldn't/can't remember is because it's my brain's way of protecting me -- that I wasn't ready to deal with it yet.

Regardless...

It can be hard to deal with things when they start cropping back up. Believe me, I know from experience. But stay strong and keep a positive attitude. Hopefully, with that, the support of our friends and family, and perhaps some counseling, we will become the people that we are meant to be, and become stronger from it.

[noinsanity]

Hi, I also suffer from Chronic PTSD, Bi-Polar Disorder and BPD. I have had some really hard times like you. (Am currently dealing with a horrible psychiatrist, right now!) Hang in there, I totally get that it is hard to keep things together when your mind is reminding you things you just want to forget.

[~FOUND~]

Welcome back!