Looking For Some Support...

[Lizalou]

I had all of my nasties happen years ago, but I have struggled with dealing with them since...

I'm just trying to find a place that someone can understand me...I've been married for 12 years to a very wonderful man, and he knows most of my dark secrets. He doesn't understand, though, and I hate acting like such a psycho when he loves me so much. I just don't know what to do.

[Donna]

Welcome to the board ((((honey))))

[George]

Lizalou,

I wish I had a good answer for you. Your situation is so similar to mine and I'm not doing that well. All I can say is that you will have to be patient and he will understand when he is ready. I love my wife, but she is like talking to a wall. After what happened on Valentine's Day, I am so turned off to s** that I just feel numb. I'm glad, because that is a safe improvement. When she is ready (which may be never), she will begin to try to understand. The power is in all of us to overcome the hurt we feel and take back control of our lives. I just don't know how to find and use the power, but I think that may be where we need to look. Maybe someone can give us both some good advice.

I wish much happiness for you and your husband,

Warmest,

[SheShy]

Hi and welcome to AS

Christy

[Charlene]

welcome to the AS family sweetie :hug: :hug:

~charlene~

[CJ]

Hey sweetie, welcome to after silence. You'll find people here to understand you luv CJ

[reddd]

For some people, prayer helps after a time. For some, meditation. The common denominator here is that you need to find a means of focusing on finding the strength that is in you, waiting and wanting to be free. Whatever has worked for you in the past to help you organize your mind should be utilized to assist you in presenting a formidable front to your foes.

I never used to read Billy Graham's column, because I thought that he just slung around Scriptural passages as a cheap and easy way to solve any problem. (I also never really believed that the questions put to him were for real, either.) As I've gotten older, I know that those questions ARE on the level, and that he really tries to offer insights from mental health specialists, whenever possible. So when someone wrote in about how disorganized they were, and how they desperately wanted to improve but just didn't know how to approach the issue, Reverend Graham cited an expert who stated that clutter is the sign of a defeated personality.

This got me to thinking---I'm still pretty much of a clutterbug, so it doesn't look all that great on the face of it. So I know I have to clean up my act, as it were. But *I* know that I don't really feel DEFEATED, just impatient in the face of numerous deadlines and demands on my time. Some people handle this better than I do, and they manage to keep their homes and cubicles neat and clean. Good for them. But I wouldn't feel comfortable living in a home that resembles a museum. I prefer something that looks as though human beings really LIVE there. And as for my cubicle, well, it's smaller than my home, so IF and WHEN I get the opportunity to do some clean-up, it won't take too long once I get started. It's just that it seems a little overwhelming at first, so it's tough to actually get started. But it's something I know I can do to manifest what's going on in my head. More order---less chaos.

That having been said, perhaps finding something in the physical world to concentrate on may help you find your focus, and therefore, your strength. Your abuser(s) is(are) self-centered and egomaniacal. If you show an unwillingness to think about them, then they'll figure they've finally lost the ongoing war with you. It's never just about the initial assault---it's also the subsequent abuse in the forms of apathy, antipathy, intimidation, lies, manipulation, etcetera. That's their way to drawing attention to themselves and away from their victim(s). They only win if they're allowed to. Victims have a right to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat, but it's never an easy thing to accomplish. At least, not alone.

You are not alone, and you are not unloved.

:!:

[Jessie]

Welcome to After Silence Lizalou

Luv Jess

[davey]

Welcome to the board, it's difficult for our partners also, he understands more than you may think, after all ye are together 12 years.

[A Ray of Hope]

Welcome Lizalou safe hugs sweetie. Iam sorry for all your pain. I hope you will find this a safe place to heal and to grow. Post as you feel comfortable. I am new also and I have found it to be such a caring and warm place.

K

[InnocenceLost8]

Welocme to AS hun.

I wish I had more words for you right now.

Trinity

[Raye]

Hello...

This is new to me. I figured I needed to discuss my issues with people who will understand. Since I feel like everyone around me does NOT.

A lot of anger is resurfacing in me about my past abuse. I'm becoming very troubled by it.

Just looking for some support.