You Can Thank My Husband I'm Here. . .

[reddd]

(My husband guided me to this website yesterday, after many years of living with the fact that I'm a survivor.)

After John first proposed to me, I made it a point to tell him of all the abuse I suffered at the hands of my brother Kris. Rather than dump me as "tainted merchandise", he chose to stick with me, as I needed "a protector and champion", and he wanted to fulfill that role.

Shortly after we were married, Kris called me up and preached that I should forgive him, as he'd been "washed in the blood of the Lamb", etcetera, etcetera. I told him that I was still a victim, no matter what happens to him. I then told him that I'd tell Dad what happened. He said that I was bluffing. Something inside me told me that I should never bluff, and this would be a prime opportunity to prove it. Sometime after that, my husband was watching a "Death Wish" movie that included a depiction of a gang rape. I walked into the living room at that moment and totally broke down. It was then that John suggested I call MOCSA to ask for help, as he knew that he was not qualified to handle the situation.

MOCSA told me about a therapy group called "Options" that met every Thursday evening. After a few sessions, I understood that what I needed most was to screw up the courage to tell my dad about it. Once I did (which wasn't at ALL easy!), I found that I could get on with my life. Eventually, I no longer felt intimidated or victimized by Kris. Disgusted, yes. Revolted, yes. Embarassed, yes. But I came to understand the crucial difference between being a victim and being a survivor---I have risen above the damage he's done to me, and that's the perfect revenge! He's the loser here, not me. The rest of the family knows him for what he is, and treats him accordingly. He's kept at arm's length by the people whose opinion ultimately matters the most.

So you see, I have a lot to thank my husband for. True, there are times when he wanted to absolutely murder Kris, but even that typical hot-blooded Greek understands my stance on this. He's been nothing but supportive.

If you are entering into a relationship, and you're not certain about how they'd react to this sort of thing, then truth is about the best litmus test I can think of. If they can't handle it and back out, then it just wasn't meant to be, anyway. If they can't support you in THIS, then how could you expect them to support you in anything else?

Your turn. Feel free to e-mail me at work, if you like:

kim_schinkel@kcmo.org

[SheShy]

Hi and welcome to AS.

Christy

[Charlene]

welcome to the boards :hug:

~charlene~

[dodo]

Welcome to AS

You are extremely lucky to have such a supportive husband, mine has no idea!

[Jessie]

Welcome to After Silence. I'm glad you have such a supportive husband...look forward to getting to know you Luv Jess

[Donna]

Welcome to the group sweetie. :hug:

[Jinx]

Welcome with open arms.

Jess

[Jane]

Welcome to AS!

I too have a supportive husband, someone who's known about my abuse since we first began speaking about sex becoming part of our relationship. He's also wanted to go all Rambo on the people who hurt me and the people who allowed it to happen. He's filled that overprotective role quite well, and standing almost 6'3 he does a good job of it.

I am glad you were able to get the help you need, and even more so able to come here. I'm sure we could use a sucess story to raise our hopes up.

[reddd]

Thanks, everybody! Such a warm, wonderful welcome, that.

One of my co-workers is also a survivor, so she'll be checking into this at home soon. She's a real sweetheart, and I imagine you'll want to treat her every bit a nicely as you treat me.

[TrinityDancer]

Welcome to AS I also have an amazing supportive husband and I consider myself very blessed to have him. NIce to meet you!~Trin~

[reddd]

In case you ever wonder about me, just check out www.poetry.com and look for my work under the names "Kim S. Schinkel" or "Anna Katsopoulos". Never mind what all happened to me in the past, this is ONE poet who won't be stopped by any mortal!

Much love to all,

reddd

[A Ray of Hope]

Welcome to AS!!

[goodlucifer]

I'm the partner of a survivor, and i know how he all your husbands must feel. I have been out a few times looking of the monsters that did it to my girlfriend but i've tried to calm down now. I think i annoy my girlfriend by checking up on her alot. I am pretty sad in the fact i try to walk her to and from everywhere. I figured that not many people are stupid to attack the 6foot4, leather-clad wierdo

[FadeToBlack]

Hey... welcome to AS... I hope you enjoy your stay here and find the support and encouragement that you need to get you through this. ((safe hugs)) Take care, and I'll probably see you around.

Love,

Sarah

[reddd]

Hey, Sarah, don't worry about me---I'm okay, really. It's just that my husband and I find this board really addictive, in that we want so much to help others, and it sure helps us to keep things in perspective. This woman who (along with her teenaged, mentally retarded daughter) lived with us for almost three years because they needed help, decided to "thank" us by claiming that my husband had been doing something to her daughter since they came back from up north. My poor husband is utterly horrified at the very thought of it, and I can assure you that the very opportunity for it to happen NEVER occurred. This woman has lied to us for many years now about things she knows darned good and well that we can't POSSIBLY check on. This makes things truly harsh for genuine victims/survivors. But despite the damage she's tried to cause, we still want to help others. It hasn't burned us off of that at all.

We just won't help HER ever again. . .