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  1. Past hour
  2. Finally....

    I am glad to read that you have now had your results and have a way forward.
  3. Today
  4. Hello

    Thank you all for your good thoughts and healing wishes. I wish them back to you and to everyone here and to the people who haven't found After Silence yet... I don't have much of a support network but I am fortunate to have an amazing friend who knows a little, she knows I experienced trauma but doesn't know any details. I also do have a wonderful caring therapist who has helped me thru years of relentless depression. I had told him I had experienced trauma but hadn't given any details until recently. It's so hard to talk about. Immediately after it happened i did talk about it with hospital staff and an advocate and way too many police, and then I was briefly in a rape survivors group... I think I convinced myself that that was enough and Poof! All healed... (I wish) I also confided a lot in my best friend at the time, who is now deceased. Part of me knows that I need to deal more with the trauma to be healthier and happier. It is a hellish rollercoaster when things get stirred up. But another part of me wants to keep this a secret, keep it contained, in a giant strong box with tons of locks on it. It is such a big horrible disgusting sadistic storm cloud. How can I let it out in the world? I really don't want it to touch anyone else's life, even secondhand or thirdhand. I feel like Pandora trying to keep evil stuffed in a box....
  5. Here for myself and my daughter

    Welcome, Two of Us. I'm sorry that both of you suffered trauma. I'm glad you found this forum and I think you will find it to be warm, supportive and helpful. I believe any healing work a mother does will help her children, so I think you will be helping your daughter just by being here opening things up for yourself. My best wishes to you both.
  6. Here for myself and my daughter

    Hi Two of Us, Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for both what happened to you and your daughter. It is never right for someone to hurt another in these ways. She may not be ready to speak out, but she is very lucky to have you and you are in a position to help relay things to her. There are many here with many different backgrounds and types of abuses, but we all have that thread that binds us. We were wrongly hurt, struggle because of it, and search for ways of healing. Take your time and look around. I wish you and your daughter the very best and many forward steps in healing. Mary
  7. Yesterday
  8. Here for myself and my daughter

    Hello Two of Us, welcome to this group. I'm sorry you and your daughter experienced abuse. It was not your fault. I think most of us go a through a period of denial. It is a way of protecting ourselves from overwhelming emotions I suppose. It sounds like you are ready to explore some of your issues. It also sounds like you are a good mother trying to support your daughter. I find that a good way to start supporting someone we love is asking, "how can I support you? What can I do?" I wish you both the best. Take care. Healing is possible.
  9. Here for myself and my daughter

    I am sure you will be of tremendous help to us We all give and receive, and that is how we support either other. I am so sorry to hear what you both have been through. I am glad to meet you, though
  10. Here for myself and my daughter

    Hi, Two of Us, and welcome!
  11. Series of really horrible dreams all night that I feel too ashamed to even talk about, really sets that mood for a rainy hot (insert whatever day it is as I’m just not even sure) ah why do our dreams have so much power over my feelings?? It’s just dreams.. it’s just dreams .. 😞

  12. Here for myself and my daughter

    Hi two of us. Welcome to this amazing forum. You will l get so. Much. Support here from members. We are like big family here. Hopefully when ur daughter is feeling. More confident. In time she will. Also. Be able to. Reach out. To us for support I'm glad. That daughter has u. To support her. This forum. Hd. Also. Helped me. So much. And. Have always. Been there when. I. Need to. Talk. Or support
  13. Here for myself and my daughter

    Hello there, @Two of Us and a very warm welcome to you both to After Silence. I'm so sorry to learn that both you and your daughter have experienced trauma. I think it's truly fortunate that you and your daughter have each other to hold each other's hands through this healing path - there's truly nothing better than having someone at your side, who understands. I'm very glad you've found us, though. This is truly a wonderful community filled with very kind, supportive souls and we're happy to have you. Neither of you are alone. I thank you in advance for the support you will provide as well - I absolutely agree that the sharing of your thoughts and experiences and feedback will be of great benefit to others who may be in the same boat!! Maybe someday in the future, your daughter will become comfortable with having her own account. When that day arrives, please let me know and I am happy to help her register. Again, AS welcomes you. You'll be hearing from a member of our Newbie Support Team very soon. Until then, please take your time to look around and if you have any questions or need help with anything, I'm just a shout away. All the best, Capulet
  14. I'm from an older generation, and denied I needed help to get past my experiences. Now I'm trying to help my adult daughter deal with some traumatic memories she's repressed, and I'm realizing how much opening up will help me too. For now, she's uncomfortable speaking for herself, so I'm hoping I can get advice for how best to help her. I found you guys through Reddit, a place I find myself turning to a lot for support. I'm hoping a group with similar life experiences and struggles will be even more helpful. I'd like to think I might eventually be of some use to this community as well. Hi!
  15. Coming back

    Hi. Brokenchild welcome back. I'm so sorry. You have been struggling you have defiently come back to. Right place we are all here. For. U safe hugs
  16. Coming back

    Hi brokenchild, Welcome back to the site. I am sorry you have been struggling, but I am glad you remember the understanding and the support from a few years ago. The site may have new faces, but the support has been a constant for those who are in need some. I wish you the best on your continued journey of healing. Mary back!
  17. Last week
  18. Feeling human again instead of like a depressed zombie.

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. 8888

      8888

      Glad to hear it.  I hope the feeling lasts.

    3. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      ((((Free))) 

      ((((8888))))

      I am hoping it lasts too. At least for 24 hours. I cannot seem to communicate in a zombie state and that's why I seem flaky on AS and I am ashamed of that. Anyway, going to try to enjoy the stable while I can.

    4. 8888

      8888

      No need to be ashamed.  I hope it lasts too.

  19. Got almost everything on my to-do list done, feeling accomplished! 

  20. Coming back

    Welcome back, brokenchild, I'm glad you remembered where you found warm support, and I hope you will find what you need here, and that it helps with the PTSD youa re currently suffering from. I do think support and community can make a big difference.
  21. It's official now...

    Thank you, AKB!!!! The throat-punch on my behalf is very much appreciated. She'll not see it coming, that's for sure. I agree, it's a transformation. That's a good term to use for it. It's been a gradual change all along, but I've finally reached a point in this process where the changes are more noticeable, and, at times, uncomfortable. All part of the process, I suppose, but better now than never. Sending hugs back!!
  22. Coming back

    Hi, brokenchild, and welcome back!
  23. It's official now...

    The way I like to think of it is as a transformation after a period of cocooning - like a butterfly. The caterpillar goes into their pupa and all of this miraculous stuff happens where they are no longer a caterpillar but they transform into a butterfly. And maybe some pieces of the caterpillar are still there they're just different now as the wings emerge and after time spent in the sun drying and curing their wings the butterfly is truly ready to fly. Sending you big hugs, friend! And a swift punch to the throat for Oompa that she won't see coming because no one thinks someone that looks kind like me can hit people.
  24. Coming back

    Hello, @brokenchild and welcome (back) to After Silence. I am sorry you're struggling with PTSD and and that you're needing the extra support right now, but am glad you've come back to a community where you know it will be given freely and without hesitation. If there's anything you need, please feel free to give me a shout. In the meantime, do take your time looking around and re-familiarizing yourself with the site. We might have redecorated a little bit, but we're still the same awesome safe place we've always been. Have a great day! - Capulet
  25. Coming back

    I was an active member of AS years ago but kind of fell out when I left for college. It's been nearly 7 years now. I've been struggling with PTSD in recent months and wanted to come back to the understanding and support that I once found here. So while my "name" is broken child, I hope I don't feel broken much longer.
  26. Coming back to AS after several years away

  27. Feeling so alone and now it is confirmed

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. tuliptorn

      tuliptorn

      ((((Fieldy))))):candle:

      Sitting with you.

    3. 8888

      8888

      Sitting with you.  You are never alone here.

    4. MeBeMary

      MeBeMary

      Sitting with you. :hug: 

  28. My birthday

    thanks for that wish.. and welcome to this community.. wishing you the best...
  29. Finally....

    The results are in and they are normal. One month, hours of worry and a few tears shed. It would have been nice to know this when they knew it. But better late than never, right? So, the biopsy did show that I am facing the same situation as 8 years ago. I have been there and I know what that means. I know what that process looks like. So now I wait for an appointment so I can get someone to take me since It requires me to be under. I decided not to do a hysterectomy. Emotionally, I just cant. Plus, the cost is astronomical. At least my insurance has a higher deductible than the last one. So now I can really breathe a sigh of relief. I can prepare for the next step and hope that I beat the odds on having another recurrence.
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