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  1. Past hour
  2. hi, I am a csa who just became a widow this summer. so hard to learn yo live alone for the first time
  3. Today
  4. Welcome to AS nail. Sorry that you have a reason to be here. Many of us have burried trauma, your not alone. Take your time trying to remember dont rush it. It takes time but you can heal.
  5. Depression is back and it's worse than ever.

    1. Beamcam

      Beamcam

      Im sorry you are experiencing the depression Im here if you want to chat 

    2. Dahliaa

      Dahliaa

      Thanks girl. Check your email @Beamcam

  6. Rainn is awesome. I want to do this too, especially middle/high schools. Stop it before they get the real freedom of college.
  7. Welcome to AS. I don't know how much I can give you, but I will say this. Don't get bogged down in trying to find a label for yourself, let yourself feel what your feeling, in the end labels don't really matter. Let me know if you need anything
  8. 6

    Good for you for speaking out and also trying to date again. I'm honestly exhausted so I'm not really sure how to articulate what's in my brain right now, but I'm sitting with you and I support you.
  9. HI Nail,welcome to AS. Believe it or not more people have buried their abuse than remember them. It is a way to survive as a child. Take your time remembering, your mind knows how much you can take. We are here to support you, you are not alone. Patricia
  10. Welcome to AS. I really hope you enjoy it here and find the healing that you so much deserve
  11. Hi and welcome Thank you for your introduction, I hope that you find us all a welcoming bunch and that we can follow your journey of discovery and healing.
  12. Hello everyone here, I am really glad that I have found this. I am currently at the point where I am faced with the question, the feeling and the suspicion that something might have happened to me as a child. IF something might have happened to me as a child. All I have is a big lack of memory and certain experiences, feelings, mind-images, dreams and possibly even behaviours that have been and could be suggestive of such a thing having happened to me. And this is what brings me here. After using the last year of working through things, realising that I grew up in an emotionally abusive family constellation (though the emotional abuse was involuntary), working through it and re-discovering parts of myself, and regaining memories there is still something that feels like a pit in me, that is inaccessible and keeps the rest of the 'full me' and my memories away. And, I just know in order to become fully and wholly me I need and want to open this and access it. Because I know however big the horror what waits is beyond reward. I hope to speak to many of you, can listen to you, find out about your experiences maybe get pointed in right directions and I hope I even can offer support from my side. I am always happy to listen. And lastly, just because it has a huge impact on me and I find it to ring true to many fighting, no matter with what kind of issues and horrors, I'd like to share a song. Our hearts are all golden, we just forget it from time to time!
  13. Yesterday
  14. 6

    I shared my story with 47 ppl so far.. All of whom I went to school with. I hate how most of them pitied me. Yea some also said I'm brave and strong but that such a generic and hidden way to say thank god it wasnt me. I want to make an actual difference. There was actually someone who shared their story with me. I felt so honored, its so hard to admit someone hurt you. But I have for sure taken a good step forward. I got a new job where I must speak only Spanish. I stutter a lot but they can understand me. And now I think I may start dating again. Ive only dated a few ppl in my life (enough to count on one hand) with my last relationship ending very badly. Honestly I probably shouldn't have even been in that relationship now that I can look back at it I wasn't ready for that level of commitment. I gave him my willingness virginity. It was the first time i ever gave consent. I know now I was too impulsive. I care too much what people think about me. That's also something I want to heal about myself. I still feel like crying when I tell someone no, I'm not sure if its because I think they'll hit me or because I taste their disappointment.
  15. Questions

    I think I've already said so but I want to become a sort of motivational speaker. Except I want to share my story to everyone. Especially schools. If anyone has any information about how I can do this please comment or message me.
  16. What's wrong with joining the RAF anyway??...

    1. Annie7

      Annie7

      it's hard to be a man when there's a gun in your hand... ;( 

      nothing is wrong with it 

  17. I can relate to a lot on this post thank you for sharing I have often felt this way myself Gentle Hugs
  18. I did it back to feeling really shitty again did it to myself with no ones help I can never do it right just a mess up and always will be 

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Beamcam

      Beamcam

      thank you blues

    3. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      You are much more than any mistakes you might have made, none of us are perfect.  I see you as my friend and you always will be.

    4. Beamcam

      Beamcam

      thank you activist 

  19. 4

    I want to start speaking at schools but I have no idea how to start
  20. 4

    I agree. People need to know the truth. I want to speak out and have talks. I feel like I couldn't live with myself if I didn't help other people going through this. It's too awful. Kids and teens, no one should go through this, but kids and teens need a voice or to be heard and believed.
  21. 4

    Thank you for the support it really means a lot. But I'm also kinda comfortable to share my story. Ppl need to know the hard truth.
  22. 4

    I am so sorry. I truly am speechless. I'm am holding you so tight if that's okay. I am sorry.
  23. I'm so sorry for what's happened to you as a child and for the loss of your husband. I am sitting with you if that's okay. @pahatfi
  24. Wish the Guy family would leave me alone!....

  25. I just found out that I might have Crohn's disease. On top of my other health issues. I'm not sure that I'm mentally ready for this stuff anymore. I'm mentally breaking down. Can not take anymore being kicked down and ripped apart 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. RockerChick
    3. Free2Fly

      Free2Fly

      Your welcome RC :) 

    4. ActivistAlly

      ActivistAlly

      i'm sorry to hear you had this upsetting news.  If okay to say, you can do it, you are strong.  "We are the champions my friend and we'll keep on fighting to the end...."

  26. Hi pahatfi, Welcome to AS. I am very sorry for the abuse you endured as a child. It is very wrong for anyone to hurt another this way. You will find tons of support here, as there are so many understanding and kind members here. I am sorry for the loss of your husband. You spent many years together, didn't you? I am sorry for the pain you are enduring now. I wish you the best on your journey of healing. Mary
  27. Last week
  28. 4

    For a long time while *greg1* was raping me I pretended to be asleep. I kept pretending it was ok as long as I didnt talk about it or "wake up". I'd gotten used to the pain in my vagina and was sometimes actually asleep while he did it. I knew he did because when I woke up, I wouldn't be wearing underwear anymore. At this point my mom thought our landlord was stealing my underwear for her kids. Unfortunately he is also why its difficult for me to listen or speak Spanish. It brings back too many bad memories. Remember I was 8 years old at the time, this was all being engraved in my brain. I think it was at this point I began falling into a sort of depression, I do remember being suicidal. School was my only escape but sometimes he'd keep me home. On bad days I would knock myself out by slamming the back of my head against the metal bed frame. I hated being awake while he used me.
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