Hello... Hi... Hey?

[BearKat]

Hello everyone... I'm New to all of this.... I joined in hopes of connecting with others who can help me heal... Everyone can call me Kat or Bear or both.... I'm not sure how this works but I wanna get my story out so hopefully I can relate to someone... To be heard for once and to get help... I don't want to be broken or sad anymore... So I guess I should start at the beginning of what happened... Sorry this is pretty long...

I had a dad who was so proud of his youngest brother, he joined one of the many military branches... My uncle moved around allot and was far from our family for a long time till he was training close enough to us that my father, and all my siblings agreed on a road trip to spend some time with him since we hadn't in years... I was sixteen with my younger sister and baby brother, and it was winter vacation, while my Oldest brother stayed home with our mother and the second oldest brother trained to join one of the military branches. The trip was normal and fun, and memorable with laughs and singing and an amazing view of a sea of stars when we made a quick bathroom stop... Finally, we reached to the base of my uncle was stationed at and we met up with him outside one of the hotel to buy a room, my father went straight to bed and my uncle, sister, and baby brother stayed up to play video games, soon falling asleep ourselves. The next day was for adventures and fun, talking of memories and enjoying each other's company. Two days passed and it was the night before we were going to leave... My sibling and I decided to stay in my uncle's room so we can watch a movie but my father decided to sleep in the room he payed for since he was going to be driving us all home. My sister slept one side of the floors, while my baby brother slept on the other, (if you have triggers be warned) and I laid on my stomach and so did my uncle on the bed watching a movie that we soon turned off since it was horrible... we all slept where we were, I know it was stupid to sleep on the bed with my uncle but we were raised to believe that was normal, i had a huge family and if we had space we all pilled onto the bed but my sister didn't want to and my baby brother wanted to sleep near the bathroom in case he needed to run to the "potty"... I woke up around three in the morning since my uncle pulled me closer to him... And that's when those horrible things happened....his hands were on my breast... I couldn't believe it... I believed he was the most amazing person in the world... but he was doing something horrible and I was scared... I tried breathing as if i were going to wake up but he kept doing things... and he whispered into my ear and he put his hands between my legs and I tried to move away but he pushed himself closer to me... I didn't know what to do... I never screamed... but he got on top of me and started to move... I tried moving away but that only pushed me closer to him and I felt disgusted with him and myself because when I wanted to hit him and screamed all I thought about was what would happen... and not just about me but him... i was still worried about him and he was supposed to take my oldest brother with him in the summer to help him train for the military since he was over weight and he wanted to join... My uncle was his idol and i couldn't take him away... he already tried to commit suicide and needed him... so I disgustedly looked away and endured till he was done... then I simply turned away and stared out the window while he slept.... the next morning i was the first in the shower and i couldn't get clean enough... screaming at myself for not being strong enough, for not being smart enough... and we went home as if nothing ever happened... As soon as i got home, i tried telling my mom and i couldn't get the words out and i cried but she guessed it anyways and she told my dad... (both of my parents were divorced but living in the same house and were both sexually assaulted when they were younger, so i thought that they would understand, how wrong i was...) My father laid on his bed watching tv and my mother at my side and asked "Well, what do you want to do?" with out a since emotion in their tone... They couldn't look my in the eye... My father continued "If he were anyone else i would kill him but he's my brother so tell me what you want" I didn't know what to do... i was lost and they didn't know what to do... they were already dealing with my sister's secret of being raped but they didn't even look me in the eye.. So i told them to tell my sister what he did, but other wise i don't know what to do... So my father decided to do was tell him but he told me not to tell a soul, that i will get over it and they'll never talk about it again... So i tried... And i agreed for i felt it was my fault... but to this day i have nightmares or triggers when i'm with my boyfriend... its been four years and i tried talking to my dad and he just reopened my wound and poured salt on it when he told me even if i wanted to press charges he never would have let me... So i realized if i wanted to get better it would have to be on me... Still the steps i took were first encouraged by my boyfriend so i hope to get better and find some friends who i can talk to about this... Thanks for your time and hope my voice was heard for the first time... Thank you so very much....

[silent no more]

I am so sorry that your uncle betrayed you in such a horrible way! And that your parents swept all of it under the carpet and told you to get over it! I am so sorry they did not support you in anyway. I know the pain of that is horrible. Know that you have found a very loving and supportive group of people here. I am sorry for the reason that brings you here, but I am proud of you for seeking out the support you deserve and need. Welcome to After Silence!!

~SNM~

[ElleWhite]

Hi Bear

so glad you're reaching out for help and welcome to AS!! This is a great place for support and healing. It's so important for you to work with a good therapist on dealing with the aftermath of this. I hope you're doing that or plan to in the future.

There is hope. There is recovery.

Be encouraged that you're no longer alone.

Elle

[Kirlhyn]

Your story is really terrible, having support from family, especially parents is so important after this, I feel so much pain for what you have to go through and indeed I think it is essential that you find people who understand and support you, so I hope this forum will help you (I'm new here too). I also told a person who had been raped what happened to me, thinking she would understand me better. But she also chosed to close her eyes because she is the one who introduced me to the guy who raped me so I think the guilt would be too much to take, and it's probably the same about your parents. But I can't imagine how hard it must be when you are betrayed by so many persons of your own family in such a way. I hope you will quickly find more supportive poeple around you and be able to heal your wound day by day. I wish you so much to recover.

[liams]

Hi Kat,

So sorry that your family is not supportive -- I know how that goes pretty well too.

Lia

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.
Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found