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BCR

Ironic How "strangers" Are Better Support Than Family

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Hi, I'm new to the site. I've been struggling lately to feel validated in my healing process. I told my mom everything my brother did to me over the course of 6 years. I refused to attend his wedding this March, and when she found out, she called me a narcissist and said I needed to stop wallowing. To go through the humiliating process of telling your mom those details and have her shut you down so cruelly is devastating. When I lean on friends, it is amazing the level of compassion I get. It's just hard to feel worthy of support when your own mother denies you.

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hi im new too. i guess sometimes familly just doesnt understand how we feel and just do not want to accept what has happened.. if youre still at school i recommend you talk to a school councilor or something like that. or even a doctor? they are really great for listening and helping.

i hope your mother finally understands and helps you! this site im sure will be able to help with your healing process in some way :) and things always get better, whole life a head of you so make the most of it :) x

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Hi BCR

I'm so sorry for your pain and rejection of your mother. I was molested by my brother as well, but never told anyone till many years later. Your mother's response to you was just wrong, but I hope you realize that speaking the truth to her is part of the healing process. Props to you for having clear boundaries in not going to his wedding. That took a lot of courage.

How people respond to you and the things you tell them is not on you. It's not your responsibility. Your job is to focus on you, get the help you need, identify ways the abuse has possibly catapulted your life in undesirable ways, and begin the healing process that will get you pointed in positive directions.

While we may be strangers, we have much more in common than you know.

Elle

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Hi BCR, I'm sorry that happened to you. I get that for sure. My parents and I have a had a rocky relationship, because of stuff and lack of support. But I think it's always good to try to find people that can understand. Hope you find some people that understand.

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I am proud of you for maintaining healthy boundaries and refusing to go to the wedding of your brother. I am so sorry that your own mother, called you a narcissist, because you wanted to explain to her why you would not be there. You can not control what others say or think, only how you react to what they say or do. I do not believe for one minute, that by telling her what he did, means you were wallowing. I am so sorry that you tried to let her know what he had done to you, and then to have her be so cruel to you. i can see why you felt devastated! I am so sorry your mother was not supportive. I truly understand that feeling and it really sucks! And I understand how the way she reacted, would make you feel unworthy. but know you have much worth!! It is nice to have a place like this, that you can come to, and get the understanding and caring, that your own family did not give you! When we have dysfunctional families, it is nice to have friends that we can turn to, in our times of need! Welcome to After Silence!! I believe you are going to find that you ahve a very supportive and caring family here!!

~SNM~

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I'm really new here, this is only my second post, so I don't know how helpfull or supportive aftersilence will be for me, but I know that I just got such a release after writing my first post, my introduction in this very forum. Even with what little I said, I feel better already. Nobody has reached out yet, but even without that, just breaking the silence, standing up and being counted feels very good. Mentioning what little I did, which was practically nothing, felt so good, that I'm not so worried or stressed anymore about posting my story when I can.

I'm sorry that your family hurt you so much. I hope your aftersilence family gives you all the support you need.

Sammy

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My mom still denies my dad raped and beat me for years. I don't know why. They are divorced and hate each other. It is a really hard thing.

Be strong.

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I have been living as a closeted gay for a very long time. I would like to be able to share with my mother and father but can't. I think they suspect what my orientation is but in my family you just don't talk about such things. My parents have made it clear on a number of occasions that the lifestyle I lead would not be acceptable to them.

If I were to go to them about what happened it would just bring down the house of lies that I have built. For me this site and the members who read my posts, share and offer support are the thin line between wanting to live and wanting to sleep forever.

So BCR in telling me your story I gained strength in knowing that in time I too may become strong enough to tell my parents about what happened. Because you share your story my I gained hope that there is a future that I can look back from and call it my healing process.

When you tell me of your six years of abuse it makes understand that things could have been far worse than my single attack and it inspires me to stay focused on the present.

BCR thank you for the gifts of strength, hope and inspiration for in this moment you have made better my life but your simple act of being.

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Hello, I'm new too and english is not my first language so I'm sorry if I make mistakes. I guess it would be too hard for your Mom to accept what your brother did to you as she might feel partly responsible for the fact she never saw it and was able to stop it. I think that's why my Mom refuse to see I'm still hurt by what happened to me even if it was from someone out of the family, as she knew him and trusted him and could feel like she should have seen something was going wrong. So you Mom might prefer to close her eyes and tell you it's you who has a problem because otherwise she could feel guilty and it would be too hard. I'm not sure, it's just a supposition, but I'm sure it must be very hard to handle so I hope you will find a way not to suffer from that. For me, I find that the only way not to let her hurt me more is to stop talking to her, unfortunately. And she's not even putting the blame on me,just denying my pain. So even if it's hard, if you need to take distance, don't hesitate, it helps me a lot. You've already been through a terrible thing, you don't need to suffer more.Talk to the people who are supportive, protect, respect and take care of you.

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omg, I can so much identify with this post and the sentiment of being ignored by your own family members.

I think they think it's better to keep the story silent and under control in order to protect the family reputation. they are being selfish and being horrible people. and please know that its not your family or mom who has gone through this ordeal. it's you and it has affected you and your life in so much negative ways that its not something you can just move on like some would want you to do.

you can only find and understand what needs to be done in order to find the path to healing.

Don't listen to others who have never been your shoes. because I have and so have others who are in this forum. and you know only what is best for you.

My cousins who has sexually violated me has been married recently as well. and I am not married nor do I have much desire to attend other's wedding after these traumatic ordeals I had gone through.

I refuse to participate in family activities as well. and my own family members can't understand why I show reluctance. I think the only person who had experienced the sex crime of any kind can understand the agony and pain a victim feels.

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Hey all, sorry it's taken so long to respond back. When I first joined the site I didn't realize you could "follow" topics and receive notifications, so I didn't realize anyone had responded back. I literally have tears running down my face after reading all the support above. I am amazed at how we can show so much love towards one another through our own suffering. Thank you all so much for taking the time to write the kind things that you did.

mike, what you said really moved me. Every time I see how members of the lgbt community are disavowed by their family, my heart breaks because I know what that feels like, regardless of the reason why. I sincerely hope that you find a way to be the truest version of yourself to every one in your life. You deserve nothing less.

Much love to all of you. Take care.

-B

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HI there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

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