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I'm A Male Survivor - And Here's My Blog

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Hi everyone,

I'm so glad a forum like this exists where people can share their stories and help each other on their road to recovery.

I thought, as a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse, it might be helpful for me (and others) to write a blog about it - there seems to be a remarkably small number of men talking out about their experiences on the internet as a whole.

I started a blog yesterday and didn't expect to write much in it, but I wrote eight articles in the first day alone and it's really helped to exorcise some of the old demons, as it were.

My name's Oliver [or at least, that's the name I use in the blog - it's actually my middle name], I'm 30 and I'm British.

Here's my blog, for those who are interested. Start at the bottom, as usual :) -


Warning, of course: it may be triggering, so please be careful.

Best wishes,


Edited by ithinkimreadytowin
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Hello Oliver-san. I like name you choose here and with blog. I will read some. Thank you for post this.

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Hello Oliver,

I am interested in reading your blog, it's amazing how you didn't expect to write much but ended up writing 8 articles! It usually happens that way. I am British also, welcome to After Silence.


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thanks for sharing. I just posted on this site too. Though nothing like your experience, I too wish there was a forum dedicated to male survivors. maybe there is but I am new. although women obviously have had much more horrible experiences, we males need some outlet.

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Thank you all - and thank you Equalitee for your kind words :).

Sb1944 I think there's a section of this website and this forum that's aimed at male survivors :). But you're right in your implication, there's not much out there which is gender-specific to males. Luckily I'd say that maybe 80% - 90% of the survival stuff that applies to women (which seems to be by far the most frequently-occurring demographic in survivor groups) also applies to any survivor in general. But as I've mentioned in my blog, the challenges that male survivors, female survivors and transgender survivors face are all slightly different and gender-specific help would be useful, I think.

That's one of the reasons I started my blog. Men seem that much more reluctant to speak out about abuse they've suffered. I'm not afraid to speak out, albeit anonymously, and I hope I can help other people - regardless of their gender identity, in doing so.

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I don't know if I think women always have more horrible experiences SB1944 (though certainly there are more of us suffering). I remember there being a little boy in my class who also was extra-picked on (like me), and at the time I thought it was worse for him because he was emotionally younger than I. Of course, I didn't know or understand about the sexual components (still only vague memories), but I was quite aware of the mind games my teacher played and thought he suffered even more than I because at least I learned not to show all of my feelings openly, where he was a much younger-seeming 5 year old and could never control his expression of fear, confusion, or humiliation when called on. At least for children, I think boys often are emotionally more dependent and less mature, plus they R expected to act tougher. My perp was misogynist and as much as I hated being treated like a second class possession as a girl, I think it was worse for the little boy who was essentially being told that he SHOULD have been a man and failed at it... Or that was my 5 year old interpretation of gender issues in abuse anyway. Sorry, hope this isn't too forward or upsetting!

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although women obviously have had much more horrible experiences

This is not true at all. All person have different experience. It is not more easy for man or woman. It is worrying to me you think this.

There is section here for man only. And is other site for man name malesurvivor.org.

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Thank you all.

In sb1944's defence, he identifies himself as being male and that line of "although women obviously have had much more horrible experiences" may just be what he has been conditioned to think. Many men are made to feel like their suffering can't compare to the suffering that women go through as survivors - and this is one of the unique issues that male survivors often face.

I'm glad that so many of you have (quite rightly) said that it's bad for men and women, and that neither gender has it better or worse because of their gender. I think the challenges that either/all genders face are subtly different, but there's a lot of overlap.

I'm glad that so many of you are being supportive of each other and me. But let's not be too hasty to judge sb1944's comments.

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Many men are made to feel like their suffering can't compare to the suffering that women go through as survivors - and this is one of the unique issues that male survivors often face.

I know this very much. It is reason I can not accept these type thing person say. Most my life I feel this way. That experience I have is not important because I am man. I am weak for not forgetting. It is important we do not accept these thought. If they are in self or other person. If it is possible I can help one man from feel this way I am happy.

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  • 5 weeks later...
  • 8 months later...

Hi there.
Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

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