Struggling To Find An Outlet

[carebearsteffie]

My name is Stefanie and I am 23 years old. Three months and one day ago, I was gang raped on a business trip in a foreign country. Before this heinous event happened, I never believed that such horrible, heartless people existed in the world. Sparing the details, I have struggled on a daily basis with flashbacks, nightmares, depression, self-blame, guilt, and other symptoms of PTSD. To make matters worse, I felt revictimized during my rape exam and was told that the people who did this to me would probably never be brought to justice because of the circumstances. I tried going to a group for survivors in my area, but I found a couple of the members to be condescending so I quit attending. Luckily, my boyfriend has been incredibly supportive since I told him. When I was initially raped, I was worried that he wouldn't be able to deal with it and accept me. However, I hate feeling like I am hurting him by talking about the event, but I feel like he is my only support right now. I am too embarrassed and ashamed to tell my family and my friends. I am really at a loss right now, because before this happened, I was always an optimistic, positive person. Now, I'm experiencing negative feelings and emotions that I have no idea how to handle. I hope that this website and fellow survivors will provide the outlet and support that I need while I deal with this.

Thanks : )

Stef

[BabushkaD]

Stef,

I am so glad you have the support of your boyfriend, and that you've found us here. I think it would be very helpful to you to work with a therapist. Once you find a person you are comfortable with, you will have a completely confidential and judgement free arena to work through this in. A good therapist will let you decide how much you share and when, will ask you reflective questions to help you work through your own feelings, and will provide you with strategies and exercises to further your healing. Also, consider calling a survivor's hotline, such as RAINN (Rape Abuse and Incest National Network) 1-800-656-HOPE. You can call 24/7 whenever you need to talk, anonymously, without feeling like you are burdening your boyfriend. Hope some of my suggestions are helpful to you!

-Debbie

[Guest JaimeIsBroken]

Hello Stefanie, glad to meet you but I am sorry for what has brought you here. Many of the emotions and fears you conveyed mirrored my own. I understand what you are going through and so many others here understand also.

I am so glad your BF has been as supportive as he has been.

This is for you if it is okay. (((hug)))

[whitecrow]

Welcome to AS I am sorry you are here too though that you had to go through something so awful. I am glad you have support though. It is important to have that. And it might help to tell at least someone in your family or a close friend but only ones you feel comfortable enough and only if you feel ready but I hope you look into counseling you have post trauma completely natural but I would get to counseling before it turns into PTSD I have it like most survivors but I didn't get enough help. I wasted time in counseling because I was scared to talk about it, but it is ok to talk about it. Just somewhere safe. I hope you get at least some of the help you need here. It can be a good theraputic place to vent your emotions. Good luck on your journey and if you need help you can message me anytime.

[carebearsteffie]

Ladies,

Thank you for your supportive responses. I hate that horrible things have happened to you all, too. However, I am thankful that you all are willing to share your experiences and offer support, comfort, and advice from different walks of this struggle. It means a lot to me to know that there are people who truly get me and who understand what I am experiencing and going through on a daily basis. It is incredibly difficult to convey what this feels like to people who haven't experienced it firsthand.

Even though this recently happened to me, I want you to know that you can message me anytime as well and I will try my best to offer support. : )

Stef

[twiggsnbones]

thats one of the reasons i joined. my boyfriend is amazing support, but he cant handle a lot of things. I dont have time to go to therapy more than once a week, so i started looking for a group. Its amazing here. to be understood and accepted

[carebearsteffie]

thats one of the reasons i joined. my boyfriend is amazing support, but he cant handle a lot of things. I dont have time to go to therapy more than once a week, so i started looking for a group. Its amazing here. to be understood and accepted

So far, I've found the message board to be more helpful than the in-person group sessions I attempted to go to. My boyfriend is really awesome about listening to me talk about what happened in excruciating detail, and he says it helps him deal with it when I open up to him. It just hurts to see him hurting. Do you feel like therapy helps? I'm hesitant to go because I'm not sure it would (maybe I'm just skeptical).

And, I completely agree. It feels nice to be welcomed, accepted, and understood.

[twiggsnbones]

Be grateful that your boyfriend can handle the details. Mine doesnt want to know too much. I hated therapy growing up and recently just started going. Session six this wednesday. For me its becoming a little harder. Im scared. Im scared of remember what happened to me during my CSA. And the more trusting i am with someone, the more difficult i am i guess you could say. So for me its a struggle in my own way, just because of having trust manipulated as a child. I have a coworker that was R a few years ago who has a a great success with therapy. I know its going to be hard for me but i just do my best. Its all for the better. You just have to find the right person, and it may not be the first try. Do research for someone who specializes in what you need. And just have a positive attitude.

[carebearsteffie]

Be grateful that your boyfriend can handle the details. Mine doesnt want to know too much. I hated therapy growing up and recently just started going. Session six this wednesday. For me its becoming a little harder. Im scared. Im scared of remember what happened to me during my CSA. And the more trusting i am with someone, the more difficult i am i guess you could say. So for me its a struggle in my own way, just because of having trust manipulated as a child. I have a coworker that was R a few years ago who has a a great success with therapy. I know its going to be hard for me but i just do my best. Its all for the better. You just have to find the right person, and it may not be the first try. Do research for someone who specializes in what you need. And just have a positive attitude.

Mine doesn't react well to the details sometimes, but that's understandable. I am grateful, though. Like I said in my first post, I was worried that he wouldn't be able to handle what happened to me and I was really worried about telling him. Thanks for opening up about your therapy. I might give it a go if I can find the right person. : )

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

i hope you find this site to be helpful.

Very nice to meet you.

Found