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Hello! I'm New And On The Path To Healing.....

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Hey everyone! I'm glad I came across this site. I had no idea so many people have gone though what I have gone through.....it is comforting to know I am not alone.

After the abuse, sexual assaults, alienation, abandonment by my drug-addicted mother, years of being in foster care and the constant social rejection I have faced in my life, it is only a wonder I am still here. When I was a teen I tried to commit suicide. It was too much. I have ran away from home several times, engaged in destructive relationships and have pushed others away. When I feel people getting close to me I get this 'urge' like they are trying to make their way 'in' and will hurt me once there. I know my closet friends for years have not harmed me but the 'whens' and 'ifs' are always there. It drives me crazy.

I really do thank my true friends and families for sticking by. Often times people have observed my behavior as being erratic, controlling, uptight or stuck up. Deep down inside I'm a sweet and kind girl but it's so hard when you have been constantly preyed on because of your kindness. I don't blame people for thinking I'm crazy, they just don't understand. However at times it has affected my professional life where people aren't so understanding. That is why I am going to get help.

I know I exhibit traits of OCD but I'm learning this is a by-product of the unpleasant experiences I have been through. I keep holding on because I want to get better. I do feel happiness. When I'm writing, with my family, when working. I love to be affectionate although it's hard for me to be, once I do, I really do like it. I just have to make sure it's a trusting situation.

Dating is a nerve-wrecking experience for me. So many people baffle at me over my anxiety but they don't understand. And at this point I really don't give a damn if they do or don't. Unfortunately the men I have dated in the past have crossed my boundaries and at times it has been trigger causing. So I'm waiting a little longer till I feel confident and ready.

I'm working on trying to find the best counseling and services for myself. I'm glad I don't have to bottle up my experiences inside anymore. I tired of chalking up my experiences as to someone else has it worse and me just needing to get over feeling sorry for myself. I almost died because of them.

Again thanks for reading and please let me know how I can be support to yall as well. Blessings, good day!

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Hi Jaybee,

Welcome to Aftersilence! :tealribbon:

Wow you've been through a lot, and I admire your courage through it all too. I'm glad that you found us and let us be a part of your new path towards healing.

Just remember sometimes it does get hard, and at those time reach out okay? :) Know that you are not alone. You have your friends, family and now us too :)


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Hello Jaybee! A big warm welcome to AS!

You have been through so much in your life... I'm so happy you found this site.

I've been a member for a while now, and it's such a warm and safe place to express yourself. I hope you find everything you need here. :hug:


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Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.


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I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.


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