Hello! I'm New And On The Path To Healing.....

[Jaybee11]

Hey everyone! I'm glad I came across this site. I had no idea so many people have gone though what I have gone through.....it is comforting to know I am not alone.

After the abuse, sexual assaults, alienation, abandonment by my drug-addicted mother, years of being in foster care and the constant social rejection I have faced in my life, it is only a wonder I am still here. When I was a teen I tried to commit suicide. It was too much. I have ran away from home several times, engaged in destructive relationships and have pushed others away. When I feel people getting close to me I get this 'urge' like they are trying to make their way 'in' and will hurt me once there. I know my closet friends for years have not harmed me but the 'whens' and 'ifs' are always there. It drives me crazy.

I really do thank my true friends and families for sticking by. Often times people have observed my behavior as being erratic, controlling, uptight or stuck up. Deep down inside I'm a sweet and kind girl but it's so hard when you have been constantly preyed on because of your kindness. I don't blame people for thinking I'm crazy, they just don't understand. However at times it has affected my professional life where people aren't so understanding. That is why I am going to get help.

I know I exhibit traits of OCD but I'm learning this is a by-product of the unpleasant experiences I have been through. I keep holding on because I want to get better. I do feel happiness. When I'm writing, with my family, when working. I love to be affectionate although it's hard for me to be, once I do, I really do like it. I just have to make sure it's a trusting situation.

Dating is a nerve-wrecking experience for me. So many people baffle at me over my anxiety but they don't understand. And at this point I really don't give a damn if they do or don't. Unfortunately the men I have dated in the past have crossed my boundaries and at times it has been trigger causing. So I'm waiting a little longer till I feel confident and ready.

I'm working on trying to find the best counseling and services for myself. I'm glad I don't have to bottle up my experiences inside anymore. I tired of chalking up my experiences as to someone else has it worse and me just needing to get over feeling sorry for myself. I almost died because of them.

Again thanks for reading and please let me know how I can be support to yall as well. Blessings, good day!

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[Jaybee11]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

Thank you Karen for welcoming me into the group.

[sunshinee]

Hi Jaybee,

Welcome to Aftersilence!

Wow you've been through a lot, and I admire your courage through it all too. I'm glad that you found us and let us be a part of your new path towards healing.

Just remember sometimes it does get hard, and at those time reach out okay? Know that you are not alone. You have your friends, family and now us too

Mandy

[loTus1]

welcome to AS!

[angelgirl79]

Hey Jaybee...welcome aboard!!! This site is filled with such positive and encouraging support!!! Remember to be patient with yourself and be proud of your strength for reaching out on this site!!

[splitperson3]

Hi Jaybee....welcome to AS!

I hope you find as I have that there are many fine caring souls on here.

take care,

Kevin

[Ellna]

Hello Jaybee! A big warm welcome to AS!

You have been through so much in your life... I'm so happy you found this site.

I've been a member for a while now, and it's such a warm and safe place to express yourself. I hope you find everything you need here.

--Ellna

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

[samantha7]

Hello

Welcome to AS

Sam

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found