Question T Asked Me Today

[wldwinds]

T asked me today if I healed what would change?

Here are some of my responses... Just curious what would be some of yours?

I wouldn’t have an excuse when I do things wrong.

I wouldn’t have an excuse for my anger.

I wouldn’t have to pretend anymore.

I would have to be real.

I would have to trust myself.

I would have to trust other people.

I would have to let go of controlling everything little thing in my life.

I would be able to really cry.

I wouldn’t be the strong one.

I would have to have a range of feelings.

I wouldn’t have to be isolated myself anymore.

I wouldn’t have to be scared all the time.

I would have to slow down.

[treegirl]

I would have to show people who I am.

I would have to move on.

I would be able to succeed.

[~FOUND~]

freedom

peace

selfworth

a reason to live

[hugsley1]

Thanks Wldwinds

I wouldn't have to wear the 'happy face', I could just be happy

I wouldn't be scared of being near men

I would be able to live my life again and socialise without believing I would be hurt at any given moment

I would be whatever weight and accepting of it

I could trust my own judgement

I would be able to name the feelings I have

I could cry when I need to

I wouldn't have to be in control all the time and I could allow others to take some of it

I would be at peace.

It seems a long list and there's more that I could add to it *sigh*

Somethings to hope for I suppose.

Hugs xxx

[2n3393]

What would change???

I would feel peace. Calm in the midst of the storm. Storms will always be around.

I would feel joy. Not fake happiness. Genuine joy.

I would enjoy intimacy with my husband.

I would accept that I am not perfect. And that I don't need to be.

Good enough would be just that: good enough.

I would truly believe good things about me.

I wouldn't have excuses.

I wouldn't have justification for being angry.

I wouldn't have to be in control of everything...all the time.

I wouldn't feel responsible for other people's happiness (or lack thereof)

I wouldn't feel fake, phoney, or as if I was "pretending" all the time.

I would just be real.

And that would be OK.

[crushedflower]

i would accept myself as the imperfect being that i am- the good, the bad and the ugly

i would do the same in accepting others as long as they are not truly hurting any one.

i would no longer always expect the worst

i would live with a sense of peace in the present moment.

[TBear]

I would really know inside that I had worth just by being me - not because I am becoming what another wants or serving their needs or "perfect"

I would be able to remember a whole day without having lost sections of time

I would be able to make a decision without hearing an ongoing debate about it in my head

I would be able to live without the constant fear that some simple every day life occurance would trigger me into overwhelming feelings internally, or some flashback of horror, only to hide it and robotically function another day

I would be able to quit acting and begin being

[wldwinds]

Thanks for everyone that answered. This exercise really made me think. There were some things on my final list that might not ever happen but it was great to figure out there might be an end.

Oppsss trying to stay away to post... my Ambien (sleep meds kicking in)

Night all!!

L

[Amaris]

Great question Wldwinds. Mine would be:

I would feel normal

I would feel at home in my skin

I would know who I was

I wouldn't keep thinking that killing myself would be a good idea

I wouldn't want to hurt myself

I would have a healthy relationship with food

I would be able to enjoy a sexual relationship

I wouldn't feel like the odd one out

I wouldn't keep sabotaging my life

I wouldn't keep desperately seeking attention, affection, validation and love

I would feel free

[nikkipurple]

I would smile from the heart

I could take down the barrier wall around me

I wouldn't wake up dreading the day ahead

I could give the love i have without fear

I would feel peace in knowing that when I die, my last thoughts/feelings would be totally unconnected to the abuse

I could enjoy all the beautuful things in the world, without feeling any joy I feel is tainted

Good question! - really got me thinking!

Edited August 2, 2011 by nikkipurple

[Solameya]

I wouldn't second guess myself all the time.

I would trust my gut.

I would be able to set boundaries without guilt.

I wouldn't feel so ashamed of my past.

I wouldn't spend any more time in terror that it will happen again.

Edited August 2, 2011 by Solameya

[cajunlady]

What would change...

If someone does something that upsets me or makes me angry, I could tell them right then and not hold it in letting it fester and grow.

I could trust fully, not expecting people to hurt me everytime.

I would stop using food to fill the hole inside me.

I would actually have peace in my mind.

Life would have so much possibility.

[uncountedstatistics]

I will know I'm healed when my love has real and valid power in the world and when I'm heard. I expect this will take my entire life.

Maybe better put as:

For me the journey of healing is indistinguishable from establishing for my love real and valid power in the world and learning/finding ways to be heard.

Healing for me means having a family even though I have to start one from scratch. Therefore, when I am healed I will have a family and I will have a legacy and an inheritance to leave to my children, both material and not material.

[iamreal]

for me, healing means acceptance - accepting what has happened and its effects and that some i can change and some i cant so i need to learn to manage them.

[waterlily13]

I would stop blaming myself. 

I would be ok saying that *he* hurt me and not feel bad about that.

I would accept that *he* was responsible for his actions and not carry that weight.

I would be at peace with the fact that there was nothing I could have done.

I would have more trust in relationships, and feel that I deserve to be loved.  

I would speak freely about my experience and not feel shame, because I would have nothing to feel ashamed of.

I'm going to think about this more, I like where this is going