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What Did You Do For You Today?


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Today I (finally!) found the courage to accept the hand of friendship a lady in my class has been offering me. I took her and her partner at face value: genuinely loving people who see something loveable in me. And I chose to reach back.

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I lost myself in my art class-- for a little while my whole reality revolved around pencil and paper, shape and color and concept. It was a good class.

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I looked at a rainbow. I mean looked at it. I was walking home from the bus stop, and the rainbow was right over my house, and I stared at it the whole way until it disappeared, I studied it, I was absorbed by the experience of that wonderful and beautiful rainbow.

To me, rainbows are symbolic. Like Noah's Ark. My sister had a rainbow on her birthday, and then after that my mother couldn't have anymore kids. Rainbows mean "it's over. There will be no more suffering like this." No other kids had to be born into my mother's home. So I thought about what turning points I am at in my life. What is ending, and what is beginning, now?

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Was patient with myself while on the verge of a panic attack last night and let myself have what i needed. And let myself sleep on the couch for a second night in a row even though i think it's silly I can fall asleep there but not in my bed.

Edited by ViciousCirce
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Today I ate a candy bar to help re-balance myself after T. And I reminded myself to drink lots of water 'cause for whatever reason, stress makes me dehydrate.

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Today I rested, consciously NOT working.

(Well, okay. Not working much. Being idle goes against my grain. But by my standards I didn't work much at all!)

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Today I woke up with a massive energy headache (the kind I get when I do too much energy work...and I'm learning will also happen when an Insider/Insiders throw a tantrum that I have to contain).

So I took careful care of my body today. I ate and drank things that I know help energy headaches. I read a couple chapters in a rather cheesy fantasy novel. I avoided anything noisy and spent hours under my headphones to minimize outside sound.

My head still hurts, but I think a decent night's sleep will fix it.

It better-- I got T tomorrow!

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