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amitysmom

New And Very, Very Scared

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I haven't talked to many people about it yet. But those I have talked to make me feel like I did something to deserve it. I don't even remember what happened. Two nights ago it is likely that I was raped...I'm so scared, I have no idea what he did to me. I guess, I don't know him, and I have been having abdominal pain slightly...I'm so scared he gave me something.

Sorry this is so chaotic, I'm not really myself right now. I feel like I am not allowed to feel scared and hurt and in pain...this wasn't a violent, coherent rape. I was either drugged or had WAY more alcohol than I thought. It doesn't matter, I feel so terrified. I'm a mom, I can't have contracted something...I feel like, from the research I've done, that there's not a lot out there to tell me how to feel...or that it's okay to feel how I feel, because my circumstances are a lot different from some of the information I've been getting out there. Someone please tell me how I am supposed to feel. Please. :cry:

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hi amitysmom

I so am sorry this has happened to you. I am also sorry to say that I don't think anyone can tell you how you should feel. You feel how you feel and that is unique to you.

What I have to say is that if you haven't already then you need to get checked out to make sure you are physically ok. I think at the moment this has to be your priority. There are crisis numbers to phone (not sure where you are) like rape crisis etc they can give you lots of help and advice as to what to do next in total confidentiality.

I wish you all the best, there is so much support here keep posting and asking.

Karen

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:hug: amitysmom :hug:

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.Is there anyone you can contact or talk to? I'm not sure what you should be feeling...I don't know how I feel half the time so sorry not much help there.Keep posting honey and you'll get lots of support from the wonderful people on this site.PM me anytime and I'll do my best to help or at least listen.

:hug: Lene x

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hello amity,

Welcome to the forum and I apologize deeply for the circumstances that have led you here. I hope you are able to find the support that you are seeking here.

First and foremost, again I apologize for what has happened. But Karen is right, you should absolutely get checked out not only to make sure that you are okay, but for at least a peace of mind that you are okay physically. One of the help lines Karen is referring to is called RAINN, Rape Abuse Incest National Network, 1-800-656-HOPE if you are in teh United States. They are a 24/7 hotline. They will also work with you so that if you need a private phone call they will arrange that. They also have a website, http://www.rainn.org.

This is the time to take care of you. I understand that you have children so in order to be there for them, you need to take care of you. For now this is the best things I can recommend. Please seek medical treatment to make sure you are okay. Take care, stay strong, keep your head up.

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Oh yes, I did. I was found being assaulted (or shortly thereafter) on a public street and I awoke many hours later in the hospital. Everything anyone has given me on PTSD or rape trauma talks about how women usually feel after going through a violent rape (from what I've personally seen and have been given) and I am so scared and so feeling like a phucking idiot....and have no memory of the assault. So, that's why it's hard. I can't figure out what happened in my head, so how will I ever get through it?

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The phone number I gave you in the previous post, they will also put you in touch with a counselor in teh area. It is something else I recommend. It could prove to be pivotal in how you work your way through what happened. I will say this, survivors have an absolutely awesome resolve. It seems that most of us find a way through it not just because we want to, but almost as a form of revenge because each day that we are alive, we win.

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hugs to you amitys mum.

There is no way you SHOULD feel. No right or wrong way of feeling.

You are in shock and yourbrain is not telling you what you need it too.

Your body is feeling it but you cant validate it with pictures.

You just need to know that you are not an idiot or stupid.

Being drugged will leave you without feeling and numb.

Be patient and kind to yourself.

xoxox

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i'm so sorry that this happened to you, but i am thankful you have found this place, with its abundance of support and caring.

don't feel bad or confused because of the reactions you are having to the rape. ANY kind of rape is highly likely to cause PTSD, and thats what is happening to you. it was a violation of your body, whether violent or not, so it is completely understandable that you are reacting like this.

how are you going to get through it? well, you go one step at a time. its hard, i'm not going to say it isn't, but it is like every other journey you will take in life, except this is a path towards healing. it starts with a single step. and joining this forum could be your first step.

PM me if you feel you need to, and keep posting if you want, this is an amazingly caring place and we do care about you. take care

teazle

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:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

There is no right or wrong way to feel. Continue with seeking help.

One day at a time hon. One day at a time.

Kristine

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Welcome to AS sweetheart. :hug: :hug:

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:hug: Welcome to After Silence :hug:

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I wish I knew what to say to what you are going through... it seems like a lot of people here have already given you some good advice. These boards seem like a good, safe place and I'm glad you've found your way here. I didn't have anything like this for so, so long after I was raped. I hope you are doing okay.

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I'm sorry for what you went through. I can imagine your frustration at not remembering, and yet, that could be a blessing, too.

:hug: Keep posting here because you will get the support you need.

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Welcome to AS. You didn't deserve to be raped and hopefully we can make you see that. If you're having pain, you really should get checked out. Whether or not you tell someone is up to you, but pain is never good. You're already hurting enough.

:hug:

Kelly

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i girl

don't feel like u have to be ashamed and as though you were in the wrong. everybody has a few drinks sometimes (i got soooooo drunk 2 nights ago). u r alowed to feel scared and anything else u feel. i know what it's like to be aped gently. dad coerced my as a kid and i always felt bad that it was never violent. hell i didn't even know i was being raped till it was all over. but if i can cope u will. take care and goo luck

amy

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:hug: welcome to AS

I know you are feeling frightened right now, take comfort in the knowledge that you are not alone and there IS light to be found amidst your darkness. You are no longer a victim, you are a survivor!

Lots of Love

Dragonwings

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Welcome to AS!

While I am not sure what you are going through, because I do remember my attacks. My sister was drugged and raped last March. Her memories did come back in bits and pieces. She will never fully remember it all, but she does have pieces, enough to remember who and what. Of course, her case is going no where because she didn't remember until 3 days later so there is little or no evidence. She still struggles with the memory gaps and she has no sequence of events.

She also had feelings similar to yours, not that it matters. How you feel is important and isn't wrong - never wrong!

Please don't be afraid to call the crisis line. They are there for you! My sister actually comments about 'getting to know them' she called quite a bit in the beginning of her healing.

I will pray for you sweetie!

MsD

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Hello There,I am very sorry for what has happened to you.Here in this place you will find people who will listen to you,and understand a little bit of what you have been through.

It is ok to feel what ever emotions you feel,they will be unique to you,and there is not just one feeling or way of looking at this.Perhaps you may feel differing emotions and that is ok too.

Please take your time to have a look around and there is no need to feel you have to post here.!! we will be here for when you are ready.Its a very good friendly place to be. Thinking of you Button.

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