Afraid All The Time.

[stardustblue]

Hi. I am another new member of this forum.

For a while, I was unsure if I could even bring myself to make a first post. All my life, I've always been the strong one among family and friends. The one person who can get through anything no matter how bad things got. It's all a lie. I pretend to be strong when really I am far from it.

I don't want people knowing I live my life in fear all the time.

So, I never talk to anyone about anything. I feel like a piece of me dies everyday.

[LadyFlyover]

Stardustblue, welcome.

"So, I never talk to anyone about anything. I feel like a piece of me dies everyday." Yes. I can relate; sounds like my first 30 years.... because we were put in the role of the strong one, the one to hold the family or group together but meanwhile, we disappear. A little more each day.

You won't disappear here. We hear you loud and clear.

My inbox is always open. =)

[sunshinee]

Hi Stardust,

Welcome to Aftersilence.

I could have written that exact same post myself. I'm the strong and smart one in my family. I am suppose to be perfect- but I'm not.

And you know what? That's okay. You are strong. You are here, and posting. You are taking steps for yourself. That's is being strong. You are being strong for yourself.

Hang in there.

Mandy

[loTus1]

Welcome to AS!

You're not alone!

[whimsical1]

welcome to after-silence.

[samantha7]

Hi

Welcome to After silence

you ae not alone

Sam

[marisa73]

Welcome to AS I see a lot of myself in your post. I live my life in fear as well - it's so so hard. I hope you'll feel safe to share your thoughts and feelings here and to seek support when you are in need

Marisa

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

[Jules77]

Hi stardustblue,

Welcome to AS

I just wanted to say you are not alone, I completely agree with LadyFlyover

"So, I never talk to anyone about anything. I feel like a piece of me dies everyday." Yes. I can relate; sounds like my first 30 years.... because we were put in the role of the strong one, the one to hold the family or group together but meanwhile, we disappear. A little more each day.

My t told me that when I was a child I was turned into the adult in my family so they could all be children and do what ever pleased them, I kept my family from falling to pieces but in doing so I sacrficed myself. I still find myself pleasing people, as it is all I have ever known, but I am working on this. I struggle now as I can see what happened and the result is that I am not really sure who 'I' am, thats one of the things I am trying to do just now, I'm trying to find me.

Be sure in the knowledge that here though you can take the mask off and be who you are and feel what you feel. I am so glad you found AS and I hope you find it as helpful and support as I have.

Take very good care

Jules

[blossums]

Welcome to After silence

I hope that here you will find a place where you can let down those walls, where you can talk and no-one will judge you for your fear (We all feel it too)

All the Best

[John]

Hello,

Am sorry for what has brought you here, but I am glad you have come here - I can totally relate to the feeling you've having now, I'm glad you've decided to come here and decided to post, as coming here offers alot of support and friendship through these hard times.

Take Care

John

[Denali]

I so relate to your post. Giving support to others comes naturally, yet asking for help makes me too vulnerable. I fear no one would care.

[stardustblue]

Thank you all for the welcome. I was a bit terrified when I made my first post. Afterwards, it felt like I had taken some of the burden from off my shoulders.

My t told me that when I was a child I was turned into the adult in my family so they could all be children and do what ever pleased them, I kept my family from falling to pieces but in doing so I sacrficed myself. I still find myself pleasing people, as it is all I have ever known, but I am working on this. I struggle now as I can see what happened and the result is that I am not really sure who 'I' am, thats one of the things I am trying to do just now, I'm trying to find me.

I can relate. I put all my effort into other people and never consider myself. I also have a little sister and I felt like I had to 'grow up' and take responsibility for her and watch out for her because if I didn't, she would end up like me.

[Jules77]

Thank you all for the welcome. I was a bit terrified when I made my first post. Afterwards, it felt like I had taken some of the burden from off my shoulders.

My t told me that when I was a child I was turned into the adult in my family so they could all be children and do what ever pleased them, I kept my family from falling to pieces but in doing so I sacrficed myself. I still find myself pleasing people, as it is all I have ever known, but I am working on this. I struggle now as I can see what happened and the result is that I am not really sure who 'I' am, thats one of the things I am trying to do just now, I'm trying to find me.

I can relate. I put all my effort into other people and never consider myself. I also have a little sister and I felt like I had to 'grow up' and take responsibility for her and watch out for her because if I didn't, she would end up like me.

((((Stardustblue)))))

I am so glad you feel a some of the burden has been lifted by talking, it helps me a lot, keep posting!

I am sorry you relate with this too, it is hard to understand and accept these things (well for me it has been) and then change them too. I was an only child, so only had me to look after, but I would just like to say just how so strong you were looking out for your sister too, that would have taken a lot of courage!

Take very good care and my inbox is always open.

Jules

[olivenere]

stardustblue,

Welcome!

Making the first post is definitely scary especially when you're not used to talking about things that are so private. I just finished posting an intro and after a strong urge to chicken out. It's like standing in front of the class to introduce yourself.

Hang in there

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

[stardustblue]

I am. Thank you for asking.