First Time Posting Here

[LilKitten]

Hi,

umm not sure what to say, I was raped last October and I've been having a hard time dealing with it. I've survived previous abuse as a child and moved past that as well as my previous habit to cut myself. I'm here because I need help.

I'm the sort of person who can't cry infront of anyone cause it makes me feel weak, pathetic, vulnerable even though i know doing so does not make me any of those things.

My friends know but I just can't ask for help, I can't admit I'm not okay, i don't want to be a burden, i don't want to cause anyone to worry

I tried getting help from my mother but she told me I'm just obsessing

I've had a very hard life, i am a strong person, i've been through alot and come through alive and okay but... I can't breathe, i can't move on, i can't sleep, i feel disgusting, i hate myself even though i know this isn't my fault, and every night i just sit and cry

so here i am

i hope to find support, understanding, so that maybe i can get better because i only seem to be getting worse and i don't know what to do anymore

Thank you

[abbywil83]

lilkitten, Hey. I used to cut my arms to for a long time, I don't do it much anymore though. I know how hard it can after being abused as a child. If you ever need to talk, I am here ~Abby

[LilKitten]

lilkitten, Hey. I used to cut my arms to for a long time, I don't do it much anymore though. I know how hard it can after being abused as a child. If you ever need to talk, I am here ~Abby

Thank you so much!

[LadyFlyover]

Welcome, LilKitten. "I can't breathe, i can't move on, i can't sleep, i feel disgusting, i hate myself even though i know this isn't my fault, and every night i just sit and cry" Yes, this is a common response many of us have had. Hang in there, you'll find help & healing on A.S. =)

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

[phoenixgirl]

Welcome to AS

You have been very brave to type out what happened to you so far.

I also self injure (SI). There are a few of us on these boards who get what you mean.

Not being able to talk, that's common too... Take your time. Whenever you are ready.

See you on the boards.

[blossums]

Hello there

I am so sorry to hear you were raped last october, on top of everything else you've been through I am not surprised that you are finding it hard to cope at the moment

I can relate to what you say about not being able to cry in front of others or ask them for help, I don't know if it is the same for you but I find that extremely uncomfortable to do. It might sound strange but I think it is good that you can cry when on your own - It sounds like you are very in touch with how you feel, just that showing that to others is hard

For that reason I am really glad that you have found this place, people here do understand, are not likely to tell you that you are just obsessing and I think that it is a good stepping stone towards being able to open up to those around you

There's something about being anonymous and using the written word that makes it a little easier to say how we feel

Welcome to AS, and I hope you find it as helpful as I have

Best Wishes

[soph]

Hi,

umm not sure what to say, I was raped last October and I've been having a hard time dealing with it. I've survived previous abuse as a child and moved past that as well as my previous habit to cut myself. I'm here because I need help.

I'm the sort of person who can't cry infront of anyone cause it makes me feel weak, pathetic, vulnerable even though i know doing so does not make me any of those things.

My friends know but I just can't ask for help, I can't admit I'm not okay, i don't want to be a burden, i don't want to cause anyone to worry

I tried getting help from my mother but she told me I'm just obsessing

I've had a very hard life, i am a strong person, i've been through alot and come through alive and okay but... I can't breathe, i can't move on, i can't sleep, i feel disgusting, i hate myself even though i know this isn't my fault, and every night i just sit and cry

so here i am

i hope to find support, understanding, so that maybe i can get better because i only seem to be getting worse and i don't know what to do anymore

Thank you

[~FOUND~]

Thinking of you.

Found

[onbrokenwings]

Welcome to AS.I am so sorry to hear what has happened to you.I hope that this sight will help you find some peace It does not make you weak to need help and I hope being on this site makes you feel safe enough to reach out.

[preciousandhonored]

Give yourself credit. It is very hard to come and write out even in part what happened. We understand. :hug: :hug:

[whimsical1]

welcome to after-silence.

[KatNatroams]

Hi "LilKitten",

I am new to this forum. Call me KatNat. I can relate to everything you posted. I'm a former cutter, previous suicide attempts, numerous doctors that give me drugs for PSTD, anxiety, my sleep disorder (DSPD), eating disorder plus waking up crying or throwing up in my sleep. I have yet to find a doctor with a legitimate answer. But I love exercise. It is not a cure, but it's better than puking and cutting.

Do you, or anyone, have extreme nightmares? Basically reliving what happened? I'm 5' 6" and 105 pounds. That is not healthy. And what do doctors tell me? "You need to eat". Protein shakes are all I can handle most of the time.

I'm embarrassed to type this. But I hope someone hears my voice.

Any and all responses are greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

KatNat

[stanley4]

someone please tell me I am not alone and to hold on

[LadyFlyover]

stanley4, you are NOT alone & we need for you to HANG ON.

Believe me, it does get better & you are in the right place now with loads of support. Never alone, hang in there, okay? Will be thinking of you.