A 42 Year Old Newbie To Non-silence

[Erica68]

howdy,

i am 42. and i am growing my voice. it's a whisper mostly. But sometimes it's a roar, at inappropriate times of course.

i am a mixture of desperately needing support and very much wanting to help those who haven't made it as far as i have.

i have been in therapy off and on for the last 20 years. i have been doing a tremendous amount of growth over the last 5 or so years with my therapist. my marriage and children really have pushed the need/desire to work out the pain.

today the pain feels acute. there was a trigger. it makes me wonder - does the pain ever go away? does it diminish? or do i just get better at accepting the pain?

must be a different answer for different people depending on where anyone may be on their journey to healing.

i am glad i have found this forum. i am not sure where this will take me but i hope for positive connections and perspective. i don't know anyone in my life who has endured what i have who is willing to talk about it at least.

[samantha7]

Erica

Welcome to AS

Sam

[phoenixgirl]

Welcome to AS

I'm sorry you are in pain.

I hope you find support and healing.

[crushedflower]

hi

welcome

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

[Tryn]

Hi Erica,

I am also 42 (nearly 43). And have been at this also for 20+ years. This board is fantastically helpful. Hope you find the support you are looking for.

Tryn

[Becky]

Hi Erica,

Welcome to After Silence

I'm glad you found us and hope being here will be helpful to you.

Does the pain ever go away? Great question. Maybe it is a personal question, I don't know. For me, I have gotten better at accepting it. I can now sit with it and it normally leads me toward a new area of growth- if I let it. But, there are some things that are just sad and when something reminds me, it does still really hurt. I can say that over time that feeling of hurt and pain doesn't last as long as it used to, and it is a lot less frequent.

It does get better, but I think you do have to learn to work with the pain, rather than against it.

Please let me know if you need any help finding your way around!

Take care,

Becky

[sherbear71]

howdy,

i am 42. and i am growing my voice. it's a whisper mostly. But sometimes it's a roar, at inappropriate times of course.

i am a mixture of desperately needing support and very much wanting to help those who haven't made it as far as i have.

i have been in therapy off and on for the last 20 years. i have been doing a tremendous amount of growth over the last 5 or so years with my therapist. my marriage and children really have pushed the need/desire to work out the pain.

today the pain feels acute. there was a trigger. it makes me wonder - does the pain ever go away? does it diminish? or do i just get better at accepting the pain?

must be a different answer for different people depending on where anyone may be on their journey to healing.

i am glad i have found this forum. i am not sure where this will take me but i hope for positive connections and perspective. i don't know anyone in my life who has endured what i have who is willing to talk about it at least.

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

[sherbear71]

howdy,

i am 42. and i am growing my voice. it's a whisper mostly. But sometimes it's a roar, at inappropriate times of course.

i am a mixture of desperately needing support and very much wanting to help those who haven't made it as far as i have.

i have been in therapy off and on for the last 20 years. i have been doing a tremendous amount of growth over the last 5 or so years with my therapist. my marriage and children really have pushed the need/desire to work out the pain.

today the pain feels acute. there was a trigger. it makes me wonder - does the pain ever go away? does it diminish? or do i just get better at accepting the pain?

must be a different answer for different people depending on where anyone may be on their journey to healing.

i am glad i have found this forum. i am not sure where this will take me but i hope for positive connections and perspective. i don't know anyone in my life who has endured what i have who is willing to talk about it at least.

Your story sounds similar to mine, althoughI have not been dealling as long as you. Would love to be a support and someone to talk to.

[~FOUND~]

Thinking of you.

Found

[abbywil83]

Hi erica, I'm Abby. I'm 25 and have been in therapy for almost 10 years, I admire the determination you have and your commitment to your personal growth . I'm glad you found this site for support, it is the best

I don't think anyone here will ever be able to let go of the pain that is inside, it is a reminder of where we came from and what we had to do to get to the place we are today. somewhere along the way, your pain will turn into a good thing (i hope); It won't show up when it's not wanted and it won't interfere with your life as much

Edited April 21, 2011 by abbywil83

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[alp]

Hi Erica

I am 45 and just recently starting to deal with my past, took me a long time to even get here !

I too wonder if the pain goes away. I think I have learn to deal with it, some days better than others. The pain may lessen but is always there - at least for me. I am trying to move past the pain and enjoy what I do have in my life (my wonderful children).

I hope you find much support here, I know I have.

Anna

[NurseMandi]

Welcome!!!

I have found this board to be of amazing support.

Mandi

[Erica68]

i like this:

"I can now sit with it and it normally leads me toward a new area of growth"

I was talking to my husband this morning and he said something like "You must still be feeling a great deal of pain." and I responded saying yes, but there's a gift [in experiencing this triggering event] that i realize my intuition is powerful and now i am more determined to do the right thing for myself and my family.

Thanks for responding and welcoming me. I will say more - in the appropriate place.

[LadyFlyover]

Hi Erica,

I'm a little older than you & healing since my teens.... it does get better.... it changes... a lot of my anger shifted to sorrow thru the years. Takes a lot for me to get triggered these days. I'll never stop healing to ensure I don't backslide. I've changed 110% from the way I was as a teen & in most ways for the better.

I hope you find what you're hoping to get here. You're brave. We're all brave.

[sunshinee]

Hi Erica,

Welcome to Aftersilence

Does the pain ever go away? I think we can diminish it. Something my boyfriend said to me two years ago was "we just have to replace the bad memories with LOTS of good ones, and we associate your triggers to good things" IT has actually helped me a whole lot. Do I still have memories- yes I do because I am not done facing them all. Some things I do not remember- and then randomly I Will get a memory.

I have come a long way and accepted a lot of things. It has helped me heal. I still have relapses but deep down I truly believe I'm not "done" healing - it can take years and years.

Mandy

[whimsical1]

welcome to after-silence.