Having A Really Bad Day!

[tooscared]

The past few days have been really scary for me. My hands and feet keep going from burning hot .. to ice cold. It feels like they are on fire inside , but not to the touch. Then they tingle and become ice cold even to the touch. I think it's stress, but I am not sure. I have to go to get my test results Fri and I will have to take my kids with me ... trying to be positive, but there is the what if screaming in the back of my mind. How will I not fall apart in fromt of my kids if something is wrong. This past Sat I lost a friend to multiple gun shots, and she was such a great person, just in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is also the year anniversery of my brother passing this weekend and we are going to spread his ashes at the beach. I am not sure if I can handle anymore grief. I wish I could lock myself in the room and just cry for days. I need that and feel like I deserve it, but my kids need me too. I am so upset I can't stop the crocadile tears from falling and the stress of all this is about to cause me to seize. I am worried, and just need some advice. HELP!

[lonelyprisoner]

Hey. You need a little alone time. I get that. It might be a good idea to ask family, or friends whether they're able to look after your kids for a few days so you're able to mourn properly. Otherwise, you'll be bottling it all up inside, for your kids sake, I see how it's important to maintain that unshakable strength for them, just as long as you're not taking that idea too far and hiding your humanity. Maybe there's a delicate balance between keeping your composure, and mourning openly, and honestly while your kids are around. Maybe a discussion with them is needed so they can understand what's happening with you.

[tooscared]

Hey. You need a little alone time. I get that. It might be a good idea to ask family, or friends whether they're able to look after your kids for a few days so you're able to mourn properly. Otherwise, you'll be bottling it all up inside, for your kids sake, I see how it's important to maintain that unshakable strength for them, just as long as you're not taking that idea too far and hiding your humanity. Maybe there's a delicate balance between keeping your composure, and mourning openly, and honestly while your kids are around. Maybe a discussion with them is needed so they can understand what's happening with you.

thnk you for the advice. I wish that I did have that option, but I do not. Plus I am super scared to be alone as the would is so fresh. I know I need to take care of myself or I will not be able to take care of my kids. Its just so hard to think about telling my very young boys what happend to me. I have seizures and they have seen me in the hospital and have seen me have many seizures and already have anxiety issues. I wish their was an easy answer, but I just can't find it. Thanks for your response as you were the only one to reply. I have called hotlines since the post and they are so short with me. I need to start seeing a T soon. I know I can't seal with this on my own.

[~FOUND~]

:bighug: :bighug: :bighug:

[sunshinee]

:hug:

[scoutmama]

I am truly sorry that you are having to endure such a horrible time. I can relate very, very much to what you are saying. My kids are very very young, aged 3, 2, and 1. Most days lately, all I want to do is crawl back into bed and stay there. The world can seem so scary, so overwhelming...coupled with taking care of them, it seems to make my stress level sky rocket. I know, understand, and can imagine the level of anxiety you are going through!! I have had a panic attack nearly every day for a few weeks now. The only thing I can offer you is this: one step at a time. As HARD as it is, don't think about tomorrow, or the next day, or years from now...try to stay in the present. I encourage you to really, really reach out right now to anyone and everyone you can that is trustworthy: friends, family...find a therapist, because it is impossible to heal (in my opinion) without a trusted and encouraging therapist. I am working with one on the book "The Courage to Heal," and it is slowly, slowly helping me.

The worst thing about being sexually abused as a kid, for me, is the feeling of being utterly alone. I always isolated myself from everyone and had very low self-esteem. Please REACH OUT to those you can. Coming on this message board is a very important step and shows that you are ready to try and heal. You are strong!

As I said, I have small kids too...I really struggled with guilt about not giving them the attention they deserve during this hard time. But you have to put yourself FIRST. I know as a mother that seems wrong, but you really do have to focus on you as much as possible in order to heal--because THAT is what will be harder for your kids in the long run. Not to mention, you!

Fear is a terrible thing, but often it can be a blessing in disguise--the very thing we need to crack open, summon up all our courage, and begin on the road to healing. That is exactly what happened to me. Wishing you blessings and strength, because you are strong, whether you feel like it or not. Find a therapist, a support group, reach out--do it soon. It WILL help over time, I promise!