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Hi, my name is Nikki, I'm a 21 year old student

I stumbled across this site while looking for some support. I cannot fault the support of the select friends I've told about what has happened. But somehow no matter how much they try, they cannot understand the pain, the fear, the betrayal of what it is to be human, how could I expect them to?

I guess I was looking for someone to understand even a part of what is happening to me, and to have the freedom to share my full story, something that I had been unable to do. I just wanted a safe place without fear of judgement and without feeling like I have to put on a smile to make others happy.

Part of it is my fault, I am so used to putting on a mask when I walk out of the door, to become a person that I believe others want to associate with. I can't help but hide what I'm really feeling.

But I'm not ok, and I know if I keep everything inside I will collapse under my own thoughts. But I have hope, hope that things will get better.

Thank you for listening, and I hope to get to know you soon x

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Hi, my name is Nikki, I'm a 21 year old student

I stumbled across this site while looking for some support. I cannot fault the support of the select friends I've told about what has happened. But somehow no matter how much they try, they cannot understand the pain, the fear, the betrayal of what it is to be human, how could I expect them to?

I guess I was looking for someone to understand even a part of what is happening to me, and to have the freedom to share my full story, something that I had been unable to do. I just wanted a safe place without fear of judgement and without feeling like I have to put on a smile to make others happy.

Part of it is my fault, I am so used to putting on a mask when I walk out of the door, to become a person that I believe others want to associate with. I can't help but hide what I'm really feeling.

But I'm not ok, and I know if I keep everything inside I will collapse under my own thoughts. But I have hope, hope that things will get better.

Thank you for listening, and I hope to get to know you soon x

Hi Nikki

I hope you find the support and acceptance here that you cannot find in other places. Please know that you are not alone and you are most welcome. This is a place where there is no need for a mask or a false face.

You are on a new path, a path to healing. I hope that your journey is one that brings a true smile to your face.

Dragon

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Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

In my experience, I have found out that most people don't understand.

Found

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Hi nikki. I joined this site a week or so ago and have found it to be the most helpful for me in my healing process. You are not alone nor will you be judged or need to put on a mask in here. This site has truely been a godsend for me. Keep up the strength.

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I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

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HI,

I am new too and nervous about using this site, I posted my story and although I didn't get many replies the whole process in actually putting it down in words is hugely rewarding. I had a Psycotherapy appoinment the next day after posting my story and she commented on how more open I was. I guess it was because from reading the posts and writing myself I found more of the words that I lack.

I hope you get value from this site too!!

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Hi Nikki,

Welcome to Aftersilence :tealribbon:

When I told my close friends she had no idea that this stuff actually happened to people. And so many other people (including my parents) know what happened, and they just can't comprehend how it feels.

I also put on a mask when I leave my house- I think a lot of people learn to do that and we just get used to hiding everything.

I'm glad you found this website- it can be a start to releasing how you feel. Remember everything is at your own pace- no one will push or judge you.

Mandy

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Thinking of you.

Found

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  • 2 weeks later...

welcome to after-silence. :)

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