A Dragon Saved My Life

[AmbiBambi]

My name is Amber, but my friends call me Ambi and I hope all of you will as well.

Up until a few days ago, I was planning on killing myself. That is, until a woman came into a store my company is in partnership with.

You see, normally I work by myself. I sell cell phones, and my kiosk is set up in a store in an area where there is very few people to talk to during the day. I remember feeling particularly down, due to the bad relationship I'm currently in and was thinking about how all my life, I've felt let down by men and used. ( I'll expand when I share my story in a different section ). To help you understand where I'm coming from, after what I went through when I was younger, I've felt numb. I have felt dead inside and unable to really "feel" anything. I created someone for the public, who would be pleasing and happy. She's a great saleswoman, has great friends, and makes talking to people easier. I don't know where she learned to smile, but I like looking at it in pictures. She isn't me, but I want to be her so badly.

A really pretty woman was looking for a certain program to translate voice into text, because she's writing a book. My faux persona casually asked what the book was about. Building rapport is essential, after all. She struck me as odd, looking in from behind Amber, the store manager. Casually, the woman answered, "Sexual Abuse" or some variation there of. I don't know if she could see me melt through Amber, or see the pain in my eyes at the mention of it. I hid it quickly and Amber went into overdrive, asking to be notified when it was released. I was crying inside. I wondered if she had gone through what I did, or worse. I wondered if she needed a hug as much as I did. I hadn't felt in so long, the pain was like a shot of icy water. Somehow, I ended the conversation, and wandered into the back. Amber let me have my time and I cried and cried in the store's little employee bathroom.

It was days or a week or more later that I saw the woman again. I was terrified of her. Amber abandoned me, and I tried to be like her instead of blubbering like an idiot. I kept looking away during our conversation. I pretended that I didn't remember her, even, until she mentioned the book. She was so unbelievably warm to me...

She gave me the url for this website since I had seemed interested in her book. She even told me what her name was here. I can't remember her real name, but I don't think I will ever forget what she has done for me.

I've been reading posts.. stories.. and I see what this website is for..

I see hope, and I want to cling to this small light and hopefully I will begin to emerge on my own, through sharing and listening to everyone's experiences. I want to feel again..

Thank you, WingedDragon.

You showed me a place where I was able to realize that at 22, by life isn't over. It wasn't over when I lost my innocence, and there is still so much to live for. You may not realize or even remember me, but I am so grateful for the part of your day you took, to come back and extend a hand to someone who didn't ask for help..

Edited March 10, 2011 by AmbiBambi

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

[glittercat]

What a sweet story! I'm so glad dragon brought you here!

[sarai]

welcome here! what an awesome story! especially since i know dragon from here and think she is wonderful! wow! how cool! im so glad u are here and reaching out for support. there's lots of hope and healing ahead of u.... i think u've already started :hug: :hug:

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[whimsical1]

welcome to after-silence.

[AmbiBambi]

Thank you for all the warm welcomes.

[nothingsweet]

AmbiBambi

[MortalGoddess]

Welcome. I'm glad you found the site and we're glad to have you.

[blackfrog]

I'm so glad you listened to Dragon (which is what she tends to go by)!!!!! I hope we can help you through your process of healing. I'm glad she gave you a piece of light to grab onto to make it here. Welcome, Ambi!

[WingedDragon]

:butterfly:

Hi Ambie

I remember you very well. I wanted to hug you the first time we met, but if you go around hugging people, they sometimes hit you, lol. I will hug you the next time I see you.

You are such a beautiful young woman and, yes, I did see behind your eyes. I waited a few days to come back to the store as I didn't want to frighten you. I am speechless really, and that is not my norm. I can only say that if everything that I ever experienced in my childhood and youth helped you, it was all worth it!

I am more than happy that you found the site and that you have made connections with some of the wonderful people here. We all have our own personal profiles and you can leave a personal message if you ever want to.

I wept when I read what you wrote, as well as the replies. I will never forget reading your initial words. Thank you for letting me be a part of your world and I am so proud of you for taking the step forward and looking AS up.

Welcome, welcome, welcome

hugs are always okay, so hugs and Blessed Be

Dragon :rain:It's raining a lot today, but my heart feels warm and it's a really wonderful feeling

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

[crushedflower]

Welcome to AS, Amber.

I love your introduction story. So touching...

[Kristine56]

Amber,

Welcome to After Silence. In many ways WingedDragon also saved my life and brought me back to life, and yes is a wonderful woman. On this site you will find lots of resources and information, people that just need someone, support when you need it, fun and silly things, information on going to see a therapist, people that have had similar experiences and understand the pain abuse causes, and you name it. I am sure you will see that here you can be heard and tell your story. A community that understands what you have been through.

Greetings and welcome, Kristine Elisabeth

Edited March 12, 2011 by Kristine56

[~FOUND~]

Thinking of you.

Found

[blossums]

Oh this just brought tears to my eyes, welcome to AS

[sunshinee]

Welcome to Aftersilence.

This just brought tears to my eyes. I'm glad you found WingedDragon- I've read some of the posts and she's a wonderful person.

I'm still smiling. This is wonderful.

Mandy