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katy89

Adding A *non Triggering* Chat Room?

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I understand if there are reasons this will not work....

Dont get me wrong, I am very greatful for the chat,

but I feel like at times, there it can be a lose/lose situation with trigger warnings, someone always gets outted.

Some people really need to vent and get some stuff out, but are apprehensive because they don't wanna upset anyone so they end up holding in. I know I feel so guilty when I put up a *TW* and everyone leaves. And at the same point it seems unfair that people who need a safe place (and often have no safe place to turn other then here) have to leave because they are in a delicate place and trigger easily.

What if we had two chat rooms, one like now where trigger warnings are allowed and one that is not allowed to have triggering conversation? Kinda like a simply life chat?

That way, no one feels guilty, outted, or holds back on what they need to talk about. And if the triggering conversation proves to be too much there is always a safe place for them to go.

Just a thought :flowers:

Edited by katy89

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We have been asked many times about having a second chat room - though I don't know the technicalities - as far as I know it is not possible at the moment. A chat mod can open a second room and we have done so for topic chats - however the room has to be manually opened and then closes if the chat mod leaves.

As for your other points - the chat room is primarily for support and if someone comes in needing support that then comes first - most conversations in chat only last for a few minutes - so if someone comes in needing support and there is some ligthearted talk then it is ok to ask if they can speak - if the topic is triggering then I think it would be extremely rare for everyone to step away from chat because they are not in a place to discuss something more serious. If that were the case then there would be no one in the chat room geared to triggering/venting discussion - so the person would not be able to talk anyway. It might also prove difficult if a member is in the triggering/venting room and someone starts a topic that they are not actually able to cope with - they may feel obligated to stay if they are they only one listening - and if they do have to leave that could be even harder for the person sharing. This happens in chat now - and it can be upsetting for both members.

No one should ever feel 'outed' or feel guilty about talking about triggering topics - as I said above that is what the chat room is for

I hope that explains the situation as it stands at the moment

Best wishes

karen

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Any chance at getting more mods to do this. I am willing. I am on here quite a bit, several times a day actually. If there is no mod, then there is none. But couldn't we still and see if mods or potential mods can be in there certain times a day?

Just curious.

Found

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Thanks found

I will of course pass this on to other mods/chat mods

karen

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Thanks Karen.

I'm always available to help when I can.

Hope we can meet this need for Katy and possible others.

Found

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You would be a great choice, Found. Go for it.

Jeannie :flowers:

Edited by kestrelseyes

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You would be a great choice, Found. Go for it.

Jeannie :flowers:

Well, if they would want me, I am available.

Thanks for your support.

Found

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sounds good in theory...however, in practice, im not sure how it would really work.

what i mean by that are...well.."simply life" style topics...those could be things like "i got a new kitten today"..or "my son said his first words" or....im going on a road trip to visit my cousin out of state"..sounds all very innocent..and of course, they Are all innocent topics, and im sure would make for some lovely, light hearted convos....however....

not if small helpless animals trigger somthing awful for you....

or not if you lost a baby thro some tragic circumstance...

certainly...talking about being stuck in a car, driving up to see your counsin could trigger things for people who have been victims of incest from these relatives...

what i mean to say is not that there is no such thing as a light hearted topic....and its certianly not that i belive that survivors should only talk about horror and abuse....

i just mean, that, to dedicate a room for 'gentle' topics could be very difficult...how do we decide what is a gentle topic after all.

I do understand that people who are in a simply life chat, could, if triggered by the convo, choose to leave and come back later on...however, is that really what is going to happen? id think not always, and could see both chat rooms slowly becoming carbon copies of eachother.

just my tuppence on this

xxx

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I guess that's what the mods would be trained for.

Who knows, people can take that one way or the other.

That's how sensitive some of this stuff can be.

I completely agree with you.

But it could work.

Found

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Just having two rooms would be better. Either room can be talked in, regardless of it was a triggering chat or not. If something was triggering, people could move to the other room as necessary.

If there are thoughts of having additional people being able to open a new room, I am willing to have that and open as available when I go in. I know that for a period of time, there were so many in chat it was difficult and a 2nd chat room would have been beneficial.Thinking these people could have different coloured icons?

Albeit, not sure if this is available at the moment, with this particular chat room in chat.

Edited by whitedove

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Personally I think both Karen and Sonnet have made valid points and ones which to me make it clear as to why thus far we have never had a second chat room for "light" topic chatting. After Silence is dedicated primarily to SUPPORT of those affected by sexual violence. It therefore stands to reason that their chatroom would primarily be there as a support tool for members. Obviously in a slightly different manner than forum posts but a place which is firstly one of support. Yes it's absolutely fine to have lighthearted banter...we all need that, but when a member comes into chat and needs support that becomes the focus. Those that need to leave do so..hopefully not everyone but we all know there are no guarantees on that.

I think the second chatroom works well when there are Topic chats for obvious reasons but always having two chatrooms I think has the potential for causing a divide and feelings of isolation much like the pm feature did laterally when it was available in the chatroom. Can you imagine how it would feel to go into the triggering chatroom because you desperately needed support and advice only to find no-one there....so you skip over to the non-triggering chatroom and tentitively ask if anyone would mind coming back into the triggering chatroom to talk to you... no-one does. How crushed and rejected does that make the person feel ?..however legit the others reasons for not going are.

I have yet to witness an entire chatroom...even if there were only 4 people...empty when someone needs support.

Just my thoughts from over the years folks...

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I agree that in theory it is a good idea, but in practice, it would be hard.

Not only the mod issue - if people aren't in a place to listen, then they would be in the non-trigger room. In the past when we have opened the second room for this sort of reason, either everyone congregated in the second room, or no-one was in there.

People weren't aware of what rules were for each room, and then this lead to things being said in the room where the topic wasn't supposed to be discussed. This wasn't anyone's fault, just that there wasn't a separate set of rules and people were confused.

We have to remember that all of the mods are volunteers, with other jobs or Uni or family...Things come up and most of the time there isn't enough 'manpower' to have a second room open and constantly moderated.

We will discuss this - both the board and the chat moderators

Rosi

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I agree that in theory it is a good idea, but in practice, it would be hard.

Not only the mod issue - if people aren't in a place to listen, then they would be in the non-trigger room. In the past when we have opened the second room for this sort of reason, either everyone congregated in the second room, or no-one was in there.

People weren't aware of what rules were for each room, and then this lead to things being said in the room where the topic wasn't supposed to be discussed. This wasn't anyone's fault, just that there wasn't a separate set of rules and people were confused.

We have to remember that all of the mods are volunteers, with other jobs or Uni or family...Things come up and most of the time there isn't enough 'manpower' to have a second room open and constantly moderated.

We will discuss this - both the board and the chat moderators

Rosi

Going to have to agree with the above. But more fundamentally, how are we going to decide what topics are considered "light" and which are "triggering", aside from those subjects that are overtly violent? What may be innocous to you may be traumatic to someone else. Is there even such a thing as a completely "non-triggering" room?

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Very good point there.

Quite a few things, I myself wouldn't add a trigger warning to or think should be a 'triggering' topic.

People are feeling like they must TW for things like 'I had an argument with my partner' and even talking about going to therapy.

We have to remember that this is a forum and chat room for support of survivors of sexual abuse. We don't really have the resources to have a chat room for just 'chat', and we really shouldn't be obliged to provide one (to be honest).

For people who are just wanting to chat - of course you can do that in the room, as long as support comes first. If you aren't in a place to be in the chat room, then it would be best to not go in. Likewise, if something does upset you, feel free to leave for a little while.

Thank you for your comments, I'm sure the other moderators will be thinking too.

Rosi

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I will close this thread for now - as I have heard from Lindy that it is not possible to have a second chat room permantly open - but thanks everyone for your thoughts on this

best wishes

karen

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