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Crime Statistic


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Life have become a sadist ... the blunt knife of reality scars me daily and like a feeding cancer makes me less...

I discovered that I am dying in the silence I carry with me, the comfort I so desperately need but just can't find.

Married for 8 years ... 3 children ... statistic, I do not want to become a statistic.

The HIV tests came back negative, the std tests came back negative, but the second round is around the corner and I am scared ... it is a fear that strangles me .. the what if, the what now.

How do you talk about it, where do you start ... it is like yesterday, it is like today and gosh I don't want to live to see tomorrow .... it is everywhere ....

That smell, that touch, that painful memory ... my children, what if he noticed they were sleeping in the bedroom. What could he have done to them?

His memory follows me ... The silent killer ...

I remember a sharp huge knife, a foreign language, the obedience, the rape, the day I died ...

I remember the blood, so much blood ... It happened shortly after I had my baby.

I had a c-section and it was so rough that it tore at my wound ... so much blood ...

He took my wedding ring and with that the promise of my husband to protect me ... He took my life ...

I am none ... I am nothing, I am shattered all around him.

Don't know if I like who I am or even who I have become ... I am none ...

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Welcome to AS. I know what it feels like to feel like nothing, and I'm so sorry you're hurting right now. But you aren't nothing... Even when it doesn't feel like it, you are brave and strong. (You're here, aren't you??) Anytime you need encouragement or just need someone to talk to, we'll be here!! :hug: :hug: :hug: if ok.

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It is such a relief to make my voice heard ... I have been use to my echo for far to long.

It is time I say how I feel for a change.

It seems as though most of us share the same pain, perhaps just a different source.

I am going for my first councelling session. Scared, but I guess it is time.

Will the circle be unbroken, wll the damage eve be undone, will life get the meaning which was taken from it? Only time will tell.

Thanks for the kind words.

I haven't spoken to people about this and somehow I feel a bit lighter.

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Hi,

Welcome to Aftersilence. I am sorry for what you have been through, but here is a place where you can make yourself heard. I hear you. We hear you.

We're here to support you. We don't judge. We work at your pace. Hang in there/

Mandy

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welcome to after silence. :)

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:aswelcomesu: Thank you for posting how you feel. Many of us are struggling with the same emotions. You articulated them very well.
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