I'm Not Sure What To Say

[plshelpme]

I have no idea what to say. I am very confused. I was in a relationship with a guy for 4 years, and I loved him very much. I knew every single thing about him, and truly loved him and still love him to this day even though we have no spoken once in two years. When I was with him however, I never felt any desire for sex. I still to this day haven't felt the desire to perform or receive any sexual touching from anyone. I looked online and they describe it as Asexuality. People who do not have a sex drive and have no desire to have sex.

After I left him, and now two years ago, I was attacked while asleep.

I never reported it because I was knew to where I moved to, didn't know anyone or have any friends to help me. I can't sleep to this day properly, I sleep better during the day. I'm afraid all the time, I'm angry all the time. I am certainly afraid and untrusting of men and do not have any desire to be with a man for any reason again. These are two very different problems, but I don't know what else to do. I'm sick of being afraid of being alone where no one can understand what it was like to go through that.

I have no place to turn. I have no medical insurance so I can't even get professional help.

I hate myself and constantly punish myself and still don't understand why it happens to people at all. And why did it have to happen to me?

[Steph9118]

You have us to turn to now

[~FOUND~]

if ok.

Found

[whimsical1]

welcome to after-silence.

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

[Wishy]

Hiya, welcome to After Silence I really am sorry you're going through such a tough time and I hope you find the support you need here.

[Wishy]

Hiya, welcome to After Silence I really am sorry you're going through such a tough time and I hope you find the support you need here.

[sunshinee]

Hey,

Welcome to Aftersilence. I am really sorry for what you went through. Are there any local rape crisis centers close to where you live- those usually do not cost anything.

Please know you are not alone, and you have us on here. We're here to support you and listen to you.

Mandy