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PetalsInTheWind

Just An Idea Maybe For The Site..

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I have no idea if this is possible or too expensive, but I had an idea I think could really help some members, especially those scared of sharing their stories. I know we have a share your story forum, and really details are not encouraged in chat (least from what I have read in the rules), but I have spoken with several members and they say that the scariest part about sharing their story is having to do it all at once and in a single space and then wait for replies. Many members afterwards are scared to go back and often very upset and triggered once they post their story. A few members have instead chosen to share their story in person with me or another trusted friend, and they said the direct repsonses and conversational feeling helped them remain calm and able to share more, and we all know the more you share the less power it has over you. So, I was wondering if perhaps a second chat room could be opened, A Share your Story chat, in which members can go and share their stories without worrying about triggering other members and get a direct feedback and help to deal with the emotions that sharing their story brings. I don't know if this is possible or if I am going completely out of line by suggesting this (if I am then I am very sorry), but it was just an idea. Thanks, and sorry again.

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Thanks for your post - I can think of a few issues concerning this - first of all the second chat room can only be opened by a mod - therefore a mod has to be present at all times to keep the room open. The second being - the reason we ask that people do not go into details in the chat room is that sometimes a member may agree to listen to anothers story - but they have no idea just how much a person might share - and they may suddenly find themselves overwhelmed - this is the reason we brought the guideline into place. But perhaps the most important reason is that we are not an alternative to professional counselling and sharing such a painful moment of a persons life could be far more traumatic for them than they realise - an untrained person may ask questions that push the member further than they wished they could go - there is no tone of voice - no body language to aid in how either member is feeling - and for those reasons we ask that people do not go into detail about their story in the chat room.

Best wishes

karen

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Ok, sorry.

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Petals - you don't need to apologise :)

You are quite right to suggest something you think can help - it is the admin and moderator's job to think of the logistics and see if it could work or not. It was a good suggestion but unfortunately it can't really work for After Silence.

Thank you for sharing,

Rosi

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:hug: to you Rosi if ok

Alright hun, thank you.

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Hi Lily -

It's a fantastic and well-considered idea. It just sounds like there is not the money or training in place to do that here. :( It seems like it would be such a valuable healing resource however.

I wonder if there are other sites that provide this? Seems there must be. Do you know about Survivorship? http://survivorship.org It's for folks who have survived the more extreme types of abuse, and it is moderated. I'm not sure whether or not they have chat, but I think they do. Anyway, it could be a place to share difficult/graphic details about abuse, knowing that most people on there also have experienced similar stuff.

:hug:

Edited by corvidae

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An idea for the moderators.... In response to Lily's observations, I wonder if it could be made a lot clearer in the My Story guidelines that members are welcome to share their story through several short posts, by revisiting the same thread. I see you have something about that in the rules, but I've misinterpreted the phrasing several times - I guess the word 'updates' sort of misled me (as in what does that mean - new abuse happening?) so I've never ventured to post there. I think too that new members might not understand the terminology used.

My own story is incredibly long and complicated, because my abuse was extreme and lasted from the time I was born until I escaped my abusers. I had many, many abuse experiences and hundreds of abusers. If I shared my story in a single post, I'd be writing a post as long as War and Peace. I pretty much need to share my story in pieces, not as one gigantic overwhelming chunk. It seems like sharing one's story is the premise of this website, and the foundation of healing, so it seems like that section should be made as welcoming as possible, with rules clear on sharing as much as one needs to do, but within the same thread.

:flowers:

Edited by corvidae

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:hug::hug::hug:

Found

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An idea for the moderators.... In response to Lily's observations, I wonder if it could be made a lot clearer in the My Story guidelines that members are welcome to share their story through several short posts, by revisiting the same thread. I see you have something about that in the rules, but I've misinterpreted the phrasing several times - I guess the word 'updates' sort of misled me (as in what does that mean - new abuse happening?) so I've never ventured to post there. I think too that new members might not understand the terminology used.

My own story is incredibly long and complicated, because my abuse was extreme and lasted from the time I was born until I escaped my abusers. I had many, many abuse experiences and hundreds of abusers. If I shared my story in a single post, I'd be writing a post as long as War and Peace. I pretty much need to share my story in pieces, not as one gigantic overwhelming chunk. It seems like sharing one's story is the premise of this website, and the foundation of healing, so it seems like that section should be made as welcoming as possible, with rules clear on sharing as much as one needs to do, but within the same thread.

:flowers:

hey all :flowers:

i think that corvidae has a really good point. i have actually always kind of wondered about the rules for Share Your Story..... it does not concern myself, i got done in one long post. :wink: but.... i think it is necessary that people be able to tell their stories in bits, whenever they feel ready. and i think this does not work so well bc the posts remain in the order of the original date. so if someone comes back after a month and keeps writing, it would not even be seen by most! that does not seem very encouraging. :(

however, i do think it makes sense to not sort by last post but by original date. so i would leave it this way.

i personally simply would suggest to really leave it up to people what they want to do this - including writing their story in as many threads as they need. i think especially for people who have suffered long and complex stories, it is more than appropriate to even have a separate thread for every specific incident they may want to share.

i never really understood why members are explicitly discouraged to have more than one thread there! i can imagine that keeps many from sharing because they feel they cannot put everything in one thread, especially not in one single post - and as i said, if they add to it later, people would not see it.

the number of threads a person can have on the other forums is not limited. why should it be in Share Your Story? i have no problem whatsoever with people writing just as many times as they need to.

that being said..... many people already do this and post repeatedly there. hmmm. since i tend to be law-abiding ( :P ) that always does.... ummm... confuse me a little bit bc they do something that they are explicitly told to not do, but then nobody says anything either. but my point is.... if i had more to say about my csa story than i have already said, since i tend to be so law-abiding, i would not see a good way to do that.

(i think this is why many people also post about specific incidents in other forums, like Gathering Place.... which is fine, too. but they should be welcome to post in the Story forum, too, i think.)

what do you guys think?

riana

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Thanks all for your suggestions - I will make sure other mods/admin read

best wishes

karen

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Hi there,

I would like to share my opinions on this.

I believe it would be useful to have 2 rooms now. I have regularly gone in and there has been more than 10 -15 people which is too much for a survivor chat room, the chat too confusing and daunting for some. In my opinion, the amount of members on this forum warrants such a change. I know the cost would be a factor here, but I can clearly see a need.

Thanks

Tracey :tealribbon:

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thanks dove

Unfortunately I don't know enough about the technical side of things to help much - but I will make sure that mods/admin know of the request

karen

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An idea for the moderators.... In response to Lily's observations, I wonder if it could be made a lot clearer in the My Story guidelines that members are welcome to share their story through several short posts, by revisiting the same thread. I see you have something about that in the rules, but I've misinterpreted the phrasing several times - I guess the word 'updates' sort of misled me (as in what does that mean - new abuse happening?) so I've never ventured to post there. I think too that new members might not understand the terminology used.

My own story is incredibly long and complicated, because my abuse was extreme and lasted from the time I was born until I escaped my abusers. I had many, many abuse experiences and hundreds of abusers. If I shared my story in a single post, I'd be writing a post as long as War and Peace. I pretty much need to share my story in pieces, not as one gigantic overwhelming chunk. It seems like sharing one's story is the premise of this website, and the foundation of healing, so it seems like that section should be made as welcoming as possible, with rules clear on sharing as much as one needs to do, but within the same thread.

:flowers:

hey all :flowers:

i think that corvidae has a really good point. i have actually always kind of wondered about the rules for Share Your Story..... it does not concern myself, i got done in one long post. :wink: but.... i think it is necessary that people be able to tell their stories in bits, whenever they feel ready. and i think this does not work so well bc the posts remain in the order of the original date. so if someone comes back after a month and keeps writing, it would not even be seen by most! that does not seem very encouraging. :(

however, i do think it makes sense to not sort by last post but by original date. so i would leave it this way.

i personally simply would suggest to really leave it up to people what they want to do this - including writing their story in as many threads as they need. i think especially for people who have suffered long and complex stories, it is more than appropriate to even have a separate thread for every specific incident they may want to share.

i never really understood why members are explicitly discouraged to have more than one thread there! i can imagine that keeps many from sharing because they feel they cannot put everything in one thread, especially not in one single post - and as i said, if they add to it later, people would not see it.

the number of threads a person can have on the other forums is not limited. why should it be in Share Your Story? i have no problem whatsoever with people writing just as many times as they need to.

that being said..... many people already do this and post repeatedly there. hmmm. since i tend to be law-abiding ( :P ) that always does.... ummm... confuse me a little bit bc they do something that they are explicitly told to not do, but then nobody says anything either. but my point is.... if i had more to say about my csa story than i have already said, since i tend to be so law-abiding, i would not see a good way to do that.

(i think this is why many people also post about specific incidents in other forums, like Gathering Place.... which is fine, too. but they should be welcome to post in the Story forum, too, i think.)

what do you guys think?

riana

i would also like to have this addressed.

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Midnight - i cant see a post about this from you in October. where did you post it? because there doesnt seem to be anything in the month of October under posts made by you about this.

I am sure a mod will get back to you shortly.

Possum

Edited by -Possum-

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The reasons why guidelines in the "Share your Story" forum were originally changed were due to new replies to older threads were pushing new stories to the bottom, hence gone unnoticed and frustrating for those who just shared their stories in that forum.

If a member were to update their thread in that forum, while it will remain in another page, it still shows up when you click, "View New Posts", therefore it does not get missed.

At the present time, a second chat room is not possible but we will keep that in mind should our circumstances change. Should the staff decide to revert those changes made in the Share your Story forum, we will announce it.

Thanks,

Lindy

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thank you for the explanation Lindy, i appreciate it. :flowers:

however, one point i'd like to make is that everyone on this board can bump their own threads back up to the top if they feel like nobody's seen them? i mean, it's really not that difficult to bump your thread back up if you see it getting pushed down by other topics. maybe i'm missing something but i just don't understand. we all have the same permissions here, and i dont understand why it would be so hard for a member to just bump their topic up if they want more replies? so why have these "rules" about the share your story forum when the solution is far less complicated, just bump your own darned topic back up? i mean no disrespect, i just seriously do not get any of this at all.

x

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Guest

Midnight,

Your assertion is correct, members can bump up replies to their own topics in every sub-forum except "Share Your Story." WE changed the program specifically because telling your story is such an empowering yet emotionally trying experience we wanted new members to stop getting lost in the shuffle of more prominent members have literally dozens of replies years after posting.

So, to answer your question. In the "Share Your Story" forum, they cannot just bump up their own topic. In simple terms, the order of the topics is based on the date a topic was started rather than on the date of the last reply. Therefore, no bumping.

A longer explanation for our reasoning can be found here.

I hope this helps. Please don't hesitate to let me know if you need additional assistance or clarification.

Best,

Ashley-Michelle

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ashley-michelle,

i've read that post you linked me to literally dozens of times. i've pm'd you about my concerns.

x

Edited by MidnightSunshine531

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If a member were to update their thread in that forum, while it will remain in another page, it still shows up when you click, "View New Posts", therefore it does not get missed.

hi lindy, i have noticed that this function is around, and i used it once to see what it is about..... but i simply do not like to use it. and i dont know how many of the people around here use it or do not use it.

if 90% of people dont, then it is a bit pointless to say that they would be able to if they wanted.... bc that really does not make a practical difference.

i think it is a pretty clear feeling that most members here have, that if you update an old post in Share Your Story, it will not get read. i feel that if it were not like this, then there would not be so much "story sharing" in other forums.

i personally know that i actually have posted replies to old story threads when i got to know some people and looked up their stories, and they never wrote anything back to reply. of course they may just not have wanted to say anything, but i really did not feel like they had even ever gotten my replies to their stories to begin with. so after a few times, i just stopped doing this. i still sometimes go and see if a member has posted their story, but now i just dont even bother saying anything anymore, even though i would like to. (in fact, the last time i did exactly this, was only yesterday. i considered sending this member a pm instead, telling her i had read her story and wanted to send good wishes, but then decided that this would seem weird, too, so i ended up doing nothing at all.)

from the story guidelines:

You are free to update your story by replying to your original topic. We only ask that each member limit themselves from starting more than one topic in this forum, and add to the one they already started instead.

i still do not see the logic of this part. would somebody explain?

(and as i said..... we all know this is not being followed on member side, or "enforced" on mod side, anyway. except by certain members who actually feel the need to follow explicit rules and feel bad if they don't. i do not think this is fair!)

riana

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I have just posted new memories or different assaults as different stories. I do this because I know I will not get any validation if I post under the same thread, and it is validation that I'm after. I ALWAYS use the View new posts feature, but am acutely aware that not many others do. Though I also do understand where the mods are coming from and their reasons, the status quo just isn't working very well.

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I like using the new post feature. Its actually easier lol and i check it often..

I also like knowing that my post is older and I can go back to it and post more and know its there and others can read it still but like.. its not so.. THERE.. if that makes sense.

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I never even knew there was a view new posts till i read that just now

maybe that info could go in the sticky post in share your story?

edit to add, where is the view new posts button?

thanx

Edited by blossums

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HI blossum,

The view new posts link is at the top of your screen next to my controls,member, inbox etc, If you click on that it lists all the new posts for the day in all forums.

:flowers:

Sad

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Haha, what about keeping 'Telling Your Story' as is - sounds like it might be especially useful for new members first disclosing what has happened.... And just add a new section called something like, 'Telling More of Your Story' - which has the same posting rules as the rest of the board? :flowers:

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