First Step Opening Up

[glaSSprinceSS]

Hello my name is Sarah and I am a recent survivor. It has been about a month and this is basically my first small attempt at opening up about my experience and trying to heal. This being an online and anonymous forum I feel comfortable but my intent is to use this as a baby step to find the strength and courage to open up to my husband and answer the questions he has, since he wants to know everything that I went through, as well as let him into my feelings to understand how badly and deeply I have been affected by all of this. I also plan to seek out therapy soon to protect my inner self from long term damage if at all possible. I know this is something I will have to live with forever but I want to find the support or whatever it is to make this journey a little bit easier. For the moment I am concentrating on fighting my inner conflicts and finding the way to open up fully to my husband and let him into my mind, my heart, and share the full story of what happened to me with him but so far I just cant. If anybody who has survived or who knows somebody who has that has advice on this issue feel free to respond. So far I have to say that reading about the experiences of others has made the feeling of lonliness dissipate. I was feeling like ! was cast aside in a way and now I am beginning to feel a bit more human again. Give me a little time, I would like to do this at a somewhat slow but progressive pace, but I will make it to a strong point within myself and be able to be human once again. Nice to see so many people here sharing about themselves and their personal journies. I have seen survivors in here as well as a spouse, etc. and that was really nice to see. Hello for now everybody and you will be seeing a lot of me here over the next while. Eventually I would like to be one of the ones who can offer the advice and support to the newer members and use my experiences as a way to give back.

-Sarah

Lately I have felt as though I were made of glass,

thin and delicate with no shield to protect,

one thing I ask of you please oh please don't let me shatter!

[~FOUND~]

Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

[falllenxstar]

hey there, i too am a new member; i have a fiance and am struggling to open up to him about past events of not too long ago that have made me what i am today. i too am struggling tyo put into words what my heart is screaming to say, so like yourself, this online chat is my first step to hopefully closing a door on my past for good.

FallenxStar

[shelbyj1]

Sarah,

I'm new too. I think being here will help us both!

Shelby

[NurseMandi]

Opening up at first is very hard, but it is an important step of healing.

This forum is a wonderful place. I've met SO many wonderful supportive people on here, and its really helped me a lot.

Mandi

[Wishy]

Hiya Sarah, welcome to AS

[~FOUND~]

I hope you are finding your way around the boards ok.

Found

[sisterinsurvival]

Hi Sarah,

My name is Lynn, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome to After Silence.

I hope that you find comfort and support here. I am glad that you have joined with us and look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible...also if you need someone to listen, let me know.

Take care,

[whimsical1]

welcome sarah.

[Elinay]

Welcome Sarah - I am so glad to have you, this will help, I promise. I joined, I have laughed, and done a lot of and crying - I feel better though.

I take lots of pictures to help me heal; here is one especially for you, I give each new member a different picture. Thank you for having courage!

Please know this Mantra - "It wasn't my fault, I can heal."

[Alex76]

Welcome

[ANN123]

welcome to AS Sarah

[kaylinxxmariexx]

welcome to AS....opening up is really hard but this place is extremly helpful

you'll be ok

[Guest LovesLoss]

I hope you find the help and healing you are looking for here. Maybe have your husband join as a supporter, there is all kinds of info there for him as well in helping you to communicate to him and stuff. I know it is really hard to open up to a spouse, i never did actually verbalize what i had been through to my husband, I ended up leaving him notes when i went to bed for him to read later on, i couldnt face him with what i had to say. I hope you find a way to open up to him eventually and heal from your expierience.

Take care of you

Loves

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

best wishes

karen

[nemesis]

welcome to AS i hope you will find this site as helpful and supportive as i have,

it is very hard to open up to anyone never mind your husband, my husband knows af the abuse but no details,

i too hope to be able to tell him one day but in baby steps, i think writing is also very helpful and i do this a lot at therapy and maybe for both of us it would be a good way to break the silence to our husbands,

feel free to PM me anytime,

nem

sending you safe hugs