calliehere

From Victim To Survivor To Thriver

74 posts in this topic

Thank you, Callie, for posting that chart link. It's really helpful to take that self-eval.

I am surprised that I still have 5 of the victimesque symptoms (for lack of better word) but am largely in the thriver category. I really like that word. Thriver. I don't like using "victim" or "survivor" to describe myself because I feel like it suggests that's my one thing, my one story, and it's not. From now on I'm going to think of myself as a thriver. It's been a long row to hoe but I feel like the seeds are at least planted for a beautiful garden someday.

Plus, I love charts. They are a teacher's friend. :flowers:

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very nice chart... and i feel hopeful... i remember when i was in the victim category... now i seem to be more in the survivor (and a bit in the thriver) category

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This was really interesting, since I've been having some issues as to where I would put myself. It`s good to have a reference.

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I saw this and started crying. i feel like half the things in the victim list characterize me... this is pretty saddening since it happened over 2 years ago. i feel pathetic that i haven't moved on.

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This is great! Thanks so much for sharing it with us :clap:

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I'm new to the forum and figuring out what happened/how to move on, and I never thought that so much of what's going on could be universal like this. I thought it was just me. This chart scared me a little, but I'm glad I saw it so I could figure out what's just me and what's bad aftermath that I might be able to work past. I had all all victim with a few middle ones and maybe two that just didn't apply all-around.

Thanks for posting it.

Edited by Tessa

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Wow, so many of these were in categories I didn't expect them to be in, for instance I thought seeing myself as wounded and needing to heal as being a victim-mentality self pitying stance, And feeling I deserved help to be a victim belief, for I thought that feeling you deserve better was a victim mentality, not a survivor mentality.

I'm so backwards on some of these. :blink: This is a good chart to see where my thinking is flawed. I must admit there is a part of me that feels very defensive when people bring up the "victim" vs. "survivor" definitions, because its like categorizing us into "good" or "bad", but maybe that's just me. I think when someone says "your acting like a victim" My first response would be a deep sense of personal shame at having failed at being the "good" rape victim/survivor.

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Really glad to have read this thread again today, feels like it's given me some perception of where I am but in a way that doesn't leave me feeling so doomed / hopeless / ashamed as I have been feeling lately

Reading the thriver ways of being has actually gotten through all my negativity and reached me brain!

And though I am embarrassed to still be mostly victim with some survivor, I can see that I actually did make some good progress in the last decade, and that maybe I've taken a lot of steps backwards recently because have been struggling so very much

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thank u for postin that chart...

readin and seein that i am more on the survivor side made me cry... bc i havent really considered myself a survivor. and it makes me feel hopeful to continue and to get to thriver.... esp when i still have bad days.. i can tell myself.. you are a survivor and be able to look at that chart for help.

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thanks for this.

and I totally wish HP stood for Harry Potter. I'm not going to lie, that is the first thing that popped into my head. :D

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Wish I could say I was in the survivor or thriver categories, but I guess that's what I'm here for. I'm learning and working on it every day!

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Just saw this, thanks for posting!

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Fraga...I'm not sure what HP means....maybe Healing Power? Not sure. I would be interested to know. Let me know if you find out.

Hi All. Thanks for the chart. It was a great learning tool for me. As far as I know, in 12 Step Programs "HP" usually means "Higher Power" or a kind, loving all, gentle "God of your understanding".

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Wow - this is a good resource to help see where I am...

Mostly in the victim column.... Sometimes I waiver, and switch - depending on my mindset at the time....

Part of me might be more survivor...

So confusing - at least this adds some order to the confusion :blink:

Thanks

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Hi,

Thanks for the link! This is very useful. I fluctuate categories depending on the day, but primarily fall into victim, which was a little disappointing. I also have a habit of burying my anger and as a result have fallen into depression. My T made me aware of this pattern and suggested taking an antidepressant.

Thanks again for the link. I will continue to use it as I work through my messy past.

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That list is so patronizing and insulting.

Implying that people who are still victimized by their tragedies as doing something bad? Labeling people who wisely don't take the word of therapists as the word god and recognize them as the corrupt humans that they are as something negative? No surprise there; those assholes are out to line their pockets and what better way to do that than to shut down dissenting opposition like this?

Calling victims "hopeless"? "Damaged"?

And the worst one of the list -- implying that people who are angry at religion are doing something wrong and that the only way you can be considered a good and strong person is if you "have a personal relationship with the God of their understanding?" What about atheists or those that recognize the systemic social problems many religions (especially the Abrahamic ones) have caused humanity without history? Don't they count?

This is just a thousand levels of insane.

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I'm just now finding this topic and I just wanted to say that I truly enjoyed this chart. I'm proud to say that I'm mostly a survivor with one or two victim marks; but I also had a couple thriver marks too.

For me, this was a great tool to look at and see where I need to be heading. I'm finding that therapy doesn't work for me very well (I never know what to say--and I'm afraid to let it all out for fear of judgment); therefore I'm doing my best trying to work things out on my own.

Thanks a lot for posting this =)

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I have always wanted to open this thread, and never really had the guts. I think that the descriptions of what someone feels in each stage is really a helpful start. I know that I have felt "damaged" and "hopeless" so often. Sometimes I still do. Some of the suggested feelings are not ones that fit with me, but that is normal for any list...nothing can really incorporate the entire human condition. I look forward to tracking my progress. I would like to call myself a "thriver" one day. I used to be, or used to think I was, before all of these memories kept coming back.

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such a good chart :) but if im honnest right now im just completey in victim :/ mine depends on my mood alot too. Thanks for sharing

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I just spent ages looking for this, for some reason I was convinced it was a sticky, and had completely mis-remembered which forum it is in

Looking at it today I am much less in the victim category and more spread between the other two

I really do like this table, have now copied it for myself so I'll not lose it

thanks

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Wow, it's really been a long time since I have looked at this chart. I can't believe how much over to the right I am in the Thriver column these days. When I originally posted the chart, the majority of me was in the Victim column. I still have some Survivor aspects I need to work on in order to be be considered Thriving in that category and I'm looking forward to checking back at some point.

I'm glad to read some of the comments in this thread.

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Posted (edited)

I feel like i'm middway from survivor to thriver, like i have my issues but i'm trying to stand strong and stuff

Edited by TimidHeart

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On Tuesday, July 09, 2013 at 4:47 PM, calliehere said:

Wow, it's really been a long time since I have looked at this chart. I can't believe how much over to the right I am in the Thriver column these days. When I originally posted the chart, the majority of me was in the Victim column. I still have some Survivor aspects I need to work on in order to be be considered Thriving in that category and I'm looking forward to checking back at some point.

I'm glad to read some of the comments in this thread.

Hello, 

Where can I find the chart? I would like to take a look at. I feel that I've grown a lot in the pass few months. I know I'm not a victim I know I'm a Survivor but I want to know  how much of a Thriver I am thank you. :):):)  

Just want to let everyone know feeling really good today :D

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