From Victim To Survivor To Thriver

[calliehere]

Last week my T told me that I was showing a lot of victim behavior. She said that I was burying my anger so much that it was turning into depression. I was really upset. When I started feeling a little better this week, I looked up what victim behavior vs survivor looks like. I found this chart that shows a list of behaviors for Victim, Survivor, and Thriver.

I printed out the list and put a check mark in each catergory to see where I am at. I wasn't happy to see that I was mostly in the victim column but I'm a visual learner so it gave me an idea of what I really need to work on right now.

Anyways, I wanted to share the chart with everyone. http://www.cbwhit.com/Victim-to-survivor.htm

Some of the wording about the behavior might be triggering.

I hope this helps.

[wishinuponastar]

Thanks for sharing! I am sad to say that I am mostly in the victim category as well :( :( But this was something to open my eyes. Thank you! Hugs!!

[ribbitz]

This is great, printing it out now. Thanks!

~Possible Trigger, IDK~

Question, in 'Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP' what does HP mean?

[calliehere]

Fraga...I'm not sure what HP means....maybe Healing Power? Not sure. I would be interested to know. Let me know if you find out.

[jackie]

Hi there - this was great... I enjoyed reading it .

I find that I can flip from one category to another... like, within a day. I'm going to take it as a good thing though

really great - and yeah , what does HP mean? lol

[briarrosa]

thanks for sharing this. i think it is a very useful chart.

it's interesting for me. i really think it depends on my cycle how i fit in. lots of times i feel like a survivor or even a thriver, but right at this moment i'm feeling a lot more victim-esque.

[KatetheGreat]

This chart is so, so useful!! thanks for posting it. It's great to see where you are and what you need to work on.

[ribbitz]

Or maybe Healing Path?

[calliehere]

True, could be healing path...maybe Healing Prayers but I don't think so. I've got a few sarcastic suggestions, but I'll keep that to myself for now.

[calliehere]

I've had a lot of really good feedback about this chart so I thought I would bump it up one time for those that may not have seen it. I showed it to my T and she thought it was a really great tool.

[ribbitz]

Very helpful, I marked the ones I thought I was and my secondary went through and decided if he agreed or if I identified with a different one instead.

[Wolfie]

I could pick at one or two bits of this chart but I'm not gonna because on the whole I think it's a brilliantly useful starting point.

I had to put two marks in "victim" myself if I'm very honest and that was enlightening, I looked at what "survivor" and "thriver" for that line would be and thought of it a bit like when someone says to you "try looking at it this way". It was interesting and I hope those people who are getting a lot of ticks in "victim" are able to look at the survivor column for hints on where to perhaps try heading next on thier healing path. I found the rest of my answers split, mostly "survivor" and perhaps a quarter to a third in "thiver". This was also helpfull because I had a sense that Ok I can write some of these off as satisfacory and focus on the other bits where I agree with the author.

I'm glad you posted this I really am.

[Kalonice]

Interesting chart... tells me basically what I already knew... that I am somewhere between victim and survivor... there were a lot of these that I highlighted both the victim AND survivor option, because I'm either right between the two, or I go back and forth depending on my mood. I only highlighted one thing in the thriver category... I know I've still got a LONG way to go. :/

It does help to see it laid out in words like that, though... it gives me a bit of an idea of where to go next.

Thanks for sharing.

[Peppermint]

I'm mostly in the survivor category with a few of the victim patterns of behavior hanging on. That's good to now, thanks.

My Therapist gave me a list of traits that are common among survivors. I have to find it, it was good.

Thanks again!

[ribbitz]

Oh yes, if you find that peppermint please post? : )

Also, I feel like some of them were a bit confusing and I wish they could be explained or something.

[Anala]

Thank you for this post.

[calliehere]

You're very welcome. I have printed this out each week and tracked where I am at. Helps me to get a more clear path of what I need to work on. I sometimes share it with my T.

[talentedcher]

Wow this chart was really useful. I look at it and I can definitely see where I was 4 years ago or so compared to now. It's been a slow progression, but I definitely see myself mostly in the thrivor category, with some in the survivor category. I still feel unsure about sharing my story though. It's not something I tell a lot of people, but if I feel the person is safe, I will share. Other than that, life is day to day for me. Sometimes it's tough when reminders or nightmares occasionally come along. But now I feel more of a fighting spirit then I once did. I feel very passionate about helping victims of sexual assault. I'm working on becoming a nurse, and hope to one day become certified to help in that area.

[gymnast4191]

Great post!

[Tryn]

Thanks for posting this. I just printed it out too. To help remind me of what a realistic life I could have. It really gave me hope.

Tryn

[Irish Dance Lass 20]

Hey all just wanted to be helpful

HP means Higher Power like God or Buddha or Mohammad or whomever you believe in if you believe in anything at all. I know this because I am a member of Alanon (support group for loved ones of alcoholics) and one of the step in both AA and Alanon the 2nd and 3rd steps are these:

2.Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God or our Higher Power as we understood Him/Her.

your HP could anything, such as God or as obscure as a coffee mug or tree or whatever.

MY HP personally is God.

Hope this helps

[Irish Dance Lass 20]

This is great, printing it out now. Thanks!

~Possible Trigger, IDK~

Question, in 'Beyond telling their story, but always aware they have created their own healing with HP' what does HP mean?

HP means Higher Power like God,Buddha,mohammad whomever you choose.

Also your HP or Higher power does not have to be religious in nature your HP can be anyone or anything that you want that you are comfortable with

[Anonymouse09]

Great Post! Very helpful! Sadly I call myself a survivor... and I WANT to say I am all those things in the survivor column, but the sad truth is I am still very much a victim, but I guess wanting to be a survivor is the first step

[Charlie29]

how long will it take to turn from a victim to a survivor? i feel like i have always been a victim and dont know what to do to feel as tho i will overcome this. i dont think its something you can really get over but i want to be able to let it be part of my past so that i can start enjoying life.

[calliehere]

how long will it take to turn from a victim to a survivor? i feel like i have always been a victim and dont know what to do to feel as tho i will overcome this. i dont think its something you can really get over but i want to be able to let it be part of my past so that i can start enjoying life.

Hi Charlie,

I don't think there is a time frame that any of us can put on our healing process. It all comes to us at our own pace. Its like the previous poster said...maybe wanting it is the first step. Then, maybe pick a category or two from the list to work on.

You are not alone...

Callie