Did You Regret Reporting It? Where You Glad?

[kyukidojen]

Do I regret reporting it? No, not in the least.

Do I regret how it was handled? In every way possible.

[rosemary18]

i regret telling someone as it was someone i really trusted and i was scared they wouldn't believe me

[simplysmiles13]

I don't regret when it was reported by my mother because it then stopped! I do regret the way in which it was handled. I feel that when someone finally protected me then the whole system failed me, I just couldn't win.

[catoz]

I reported it, but it was a stranger, so at this point, nothing has come of it. The repeated statements and examinations and dealing with the confits/identikits... has been traumatic. At times I have regretted reporting it, because it feels like it's stopped me heading towards recovery, and for what?

But if they catch him, if they convict him - then, I think it will be worth it.

Edited December 28, 2010 by catoz

[TexasDad]

I regret NOT pressing charges. Jason hurt me so badly for a year and a half. I may not be able to have children. And he just got to go on with his life. He is a sociopath. He will hurt someone else. And i have to live with that for the rest of my life.

If he ever hurts someone else, you have nothing to do with it.

It would be NOT your fault. We had to deal with the same moral and ethical issues as well, and decided that my daughter's well being and her getting emotionally healthy and on the road to recovery was more important than pressing charges. We have a very strong suspicion that in the perv..'s family someone knew he was a predator, and yet no-one warned us. And as of today he does volunteer work in the youth group in his church, and he is in the health profession, and does "school physical" visits. Again, no-one told us anything.

This does mean not we do not want to warn anyone as a retaliation. I have seen how fragile my kid still is, and I fear that any legal proceeding could totally undo 4 months of intense therapy work. She is still cutting, still suicidal, and barely hanging on, one day at the time.

Her therapist called CPS, and she called the Sheriff of our county. We called the right people, now it is up to them.

She spoke with a detective, and he was very understanding, took her statement, and said *he* wanted her to get better, first, and in a better place with her health, and he would keep the case open, work with us (the parents), and wait for her to make the final decision, if and when she feels OK with it.

So, we sleep a bit better. What the perv. does, is HIS ultimate and he is responsible for HIS actions

We are not. You are not.

[desertlily]

Hi

I just signed up to the site and read with admiration and a heavy heart many of the posts. Like Blakey22 I was also drunk and possibly drugged when I was raped on several occasions. Piecing it all together after blackouts, I finally reported my attacker (who I had sadly dated) 2 days after. I was worried I would not be believed and as I await the outcome as to whether it goes to court or not, I feel mixed feelings. I feel I have done the right thing, (I want to try to protect other women) but it has been difficult. Giving evidence is not easy, although the police (women) I have encountered have been very kind. What the outcome will be, God only knows, however I believe one way or another justice is done.

I am so saddened to see how many women have suffered and how many abusive men are out there!

If you can find the strength then report it, but get as much support during this process. If however you cannot report it, don't blame yourself or take on guilt. You have to look after yourself and do what is right for you.

[TomCov]

I reported it. I have no regrets.

Had other victims decided to report this prior to my experiences I might have been spared.

I know that because I reported, there are fewer victims of this abuser.

I make no assumptions as to whether this would be beneficial to you. I do know that many abusers are serial abusers and will only be stopped if victims report.

It remains a personal decision.

G'Luck

[Atlantis]

I did report it and i don't regret it even though it was probably one of the most difficult things I've had to go through. Although he hasn't been caught for attacking me I've been told he is on an offenders list and wouldn't be getting off (I can only assume he has done some other serious crime). I don't think I was the first and sadly I don't think I'll be the last, but hopefully by reporting it, somehow it would have done some good somehow to stop him doing this again, or at least slow him down.

My advice to anyone thinking of reporting what has happened is to talk to R*pe Crisis or RAINN - they may be able to arrange someone to come with you or help you with coping with reporting it.

Also if you have someone close to you like a partner or friend who can come with you to give you support it helps a lot.

TC

Atlantis

[linda1]

I told my mom right after it happened and begged her not to report it but she did anyways. That made it far worse for me because i had the police calling me all the time coming to my house to take statements and I couldn't handle it, I also felt guilty too and like it was my fault also so i felt horrible being forced to tell the story. It was embarrassing and made more people than I ever wanted find out about it. People chose which side to believe and I lost a lot of friends over it.

Everyone has a different experience I think you just need to consider what different outcomes could happen if you did. It could go your way or it might not unfortunately. I think the system is so unfair sometimes.

Best of luck to you:)

(p.s. the only positive to me reporting it is that if he does it again to someone else they would be twice as likely to believe her because a similar situation had already been reported, and know that he is a rapist)

[krista17]

I definitely regret reporting what happened to me. The guy was someone who was known to police already because of stabbing someone and there was a warrant out for arrest. Unfortunately, he got off free because of lack of evidence. So I guess it's my fault that i was too scared to report him, because thats how they made me feel.

[hippiewhippie]

I was a young child when my dad molested me. I did actually report it in primary school to a sex education teacher she basically said 'if anyone touches you here or here its wrong' .... I put my hand up and said my dad does that. The kids in the class actually laughed I was mortified. The teacher asked me to stay back after class - I did and told her everything and I made a promise I never kept to tell my Aunt what happened next time I visited. At this time I lived with my mother and my father was a state away. The teacher never told anyone that I am aware of except for the prosecutor in my case several years later when I reported it. I think she felt quite bad that she never told the police or the principal about it, but if she had of I wouldn't have gotten the evidence I did several years later that led to a conviction.

I told a friend via a letter when we had a argument, we were in high school. She was scared for my safety so she gave the letter to my mother. This letter also helped later in evidence and the fact that after my mum read the letter I explained to her what happened and a lot of friends of 4mine suddenly knew. So now my highschool knew as well as my primary school by mistakes * Firstly I didn't know it was that 'wrong' so as a messed up child I just told the class in sex ed. * Secondly I thought I could trust my friend. Little did I know these things actually helped in the long run.

My friends begged me to please tell the police, I remember watching TV shows where it showed people who had been sexually abused and them getting through it via reporting it and the perpetrator going to jail.

My friends and I argued a bit, I felt horrible. Like I could never scrub myself clean of it. I felt worthless and I gave in easily to peer pressure and the wrong crowds landing myself in trouble. In the end I had dug myself a bit of a hole reputation wise so I did the stupidest thing possible... I packed my things as a 13 year old and moved in with my father. When I lived with him he didn't actually abuse me like he had when I was a child but he did walk in while I was having a shower, hold me down to kiss me, force me to just lie with him and let him cuddle me. It was disgusting. When a friend moved in she quickly moved out two weeks later and it got around town via her and her friends calling out he was a pedophile. I knew then something was really wrong - I never told a soul where I had moved none of them knew what happened to me as a child and yet here is my old friend who now wanted nothing to do with me saying what I knew of my father to be. My father being the bastard he is... ran to the police station after someone yelled out 'pedophile' to him on the street. He dragged me in and stood in front of the police and said that someone on the street called him a pedophile and 'its not true is it' he said looking at me, I dumbly shook my head and we left the police station.

I visited my mum a few of times, on those visits I really saw just what was wrong with my father. How a proper family works. One time coming back from one of these visits to mum I just freaked out at my father I saw him get out of bed one morning and I started yelling at him screaming about what he had done.... He didn't deny it!!! The bastard smirked and made motions of what he had done to me, he put his hands underneath his own clothes and made motions. I told him I was moving out. I did for a few months with my Aunt, after years I finally told her.

My Aunt and Uncle eventually said I should 'sort it out' they invited my dad over to 'talk' about it. We held a intervention thing. He never apologised properly, he blamed it on me being like my mother, it being a 'healing touch' he was giving me it was 'demons'. I was pretty angry and disgusted but since my Aunt lived 45 min away from my school I caught a bus per day... I moved back in with my dad just to finish school.

I got counselling. Came so close to telling a police officer, we sat in a room with a tape recording. But I never fully admitted it. I was to scared.

I was always just 'to scared' it always came down to 'what will my brother think'. My brother lived with my father his whole life. He rarely visited mum. He was pretty dependant on our dad he had a lot of issues where he couldn't look after himself properly and was sickly often because our dad had basically trained him to be 'needy' so that dad would always have someone there.

When I was 16 and finished year 10 had a school certificate I quickly moved out, I had it. I had enough of trying to 'protect' my brother from what my dad had done. Another big reason why I kept moving in with my dad was so I could help my brother - which basically meant cleaning up making sure he actually ate something other than the yuck my dad made and trying to make my brother happy somewhat. I basically allowed myself to give up my sanity.

I moved in with my now fiance when I was 16, we moved a long way away from my dad. I got the courage to tell the police.

Sitting in the room, fully going through the story was horrendous. I had to go through everything in detail. But it helped later in court that I said everything I could think of.

We also did what is called a 'pre text phone call'. Basically I rung my father and recorded the phone call - before he was arrested and he had no idea I had told. We talked about the abuse sometimes, he had admitted it to most of his side of the family already because I told him he had to so they didn't think I was lying. But fat lot of good that did!...

So on the phone call we talked about it. He was as slimy and disgusting as ever... It sent chills up everyones spine that listened to it. There was my evidence. It just had to get admitted into court. Which took a day of arguing in court to wether it could be counted. The judge slept on it, apparently listened to it several times. She knew the best way to get my dad convicted was to accept the tape into evidence. It was accepted.

It took nearly two years from when I told the police what happened - to when it went to court. There was hearing after hearing but dad and his hot shot lawyer whom he paid for by getting his own mother to sell her house... The day finally arrived.

It was a pretty ugly thing, dad had a lot of people twisted around his finger. Women with children, young girls and boys stood up and gave evidence on how dad was a good person and I was a problem child. His side of the family was willing to stand up and say I had lied. All to save the bastard from prison - some have tried to apologise now years later but its just to late - they dont understand the weight of what they did and how wrong it was.

After the pre text phone call was admitted, he changed his ‘not guilty’ plea to ‘guilty’ but only admitting to one of the charges against him. The plea was accepted, it was 3 months til my 18th birthday so I was currently able to have a closed court. If we decided to say ‘no’ to his plea bargain we would’ve faced court again in a few months when I was over 18 and anyone could have come in to sit in when i gave my statement, also being cross examined as I was told is very scary. So, we agreed to let the bargain go through. I said I wanted him to face jail time, because lets face it as we all know when we are abused it takes away so much of your life you live in a totally different world sometimes its worse than death - worse than prison. So, in my eyes he deserved to be held accountable to the full force of the law.

He got a 3 year sentance, but he didn’t go to jail on compassion basically mine for my brother ... even though my brother was going to testify AGAINST me I still cared. The sentance got hacked down because of reasons like ‘he is old’ ‘compassion’ ‘the brother still needs care to finish school’ and the stupid beleif that he wouldn’t reoffend when I know, as we all know, they always reoffend over and over again!.

The sentance was suspended to basically be carried out at home, he wasn’t allowed to go many places and he was placed on the sex offenders list forever.

He was trying to get a job in phycology or a councellor. He wanted to councel women he always said, now with being on the sex offenders list I have at least saved those women from his grabby disgusting hands and attitude. It also helped to open up the eyes on all those there to ‘support’ him and he had more at court than I did to ‘support’. The judge was very harsh on all of them, of their treatment of me. She did beleive they knew the truth, it was disgusting how they were going to testify against me... my own family. They knew it was wrong but some are very sick and twisted. One said I should forgive my father and enjoy that he loves me so much!!! That just made me disgusted. From then on, I basically havn’t had anything to do with them. My brother still visits, but he is turning more and more into my father each day - they still live together. My father is the type that never works, never does anything for himself - hence why he often lives with his mother who now lives in a caravan park because my father made her sell her house so he could have the best lawyer money can buy ... sure he was saved from jail but he is on the sex offenders list and he hasn’t gotten away with he. He is a known criminal.

Because he is on the sex offenders list I am glad I told, I am glad I reported it. Because if anyone else has the courage to come forward against him and tell what he has done to them he WILL go to jail. The judge said that much - he will never get out of it again. Not only will he have to serve the suspended sentance that was for the offences against me he will have to serve the years he will get for reoffending. He has tried to contact me since, he shows no remorse he just blames me, me for looking like my mother, me for allowing the demons to take him over, he blames reiki a healing touch thing where he said he was healing a scar I had on my breast thats why he touched it all the time. All this makes me so damn mad.

I honestly wish I could appeal. Try and charge him on those charges that he didn’t plead on. But that was the deal of his pleading guilty and going on the sex offenders list so the family didn’t go through the cross examination - all other charges are dropped. So I hope one day the others that were abused by him will stand up and report it. I would help them every step of the way.

In many ways, to hear that judge say ‘your guility of sexually abusing a minior’ and basically calling him a dispicable man also my family dispicable for standing behind such a mostor and they need to see him for what he is, imagine me as that tiny young girl and imagine what he did then how do they see it? Its wrong, it should have never happened. Yet, most of them still spend a lot of time with him. They ignore me, call me a black sheep and bad and all this just because I brought the law down on the family.

But at the end, nearly four years later. I am very happy. I have a wonderful fiance a new family that cares and my mother and her side of the family that care completly and thats all I need. Blood is NOT thicker than water. I can choose my friends and family. My father, that miserable sodding bastard is no family of mine! I feel free of it now I have gotten councelling and found people that accept me as well. I dont regret reporting it. I know that if he had’ve gotten away with it though I would’ve likely not survived to tell this tale now. I know some form of evidance is important or basically when your on the stand just tell the whole truth and never stray from it dont let the cross examination mess you up, because it will mess the perpetrator up and he cant lie very well when the procecuter rips him to shreds. The more of us that speak up, the more the issue will be known. At least if its reported if they reoffend they will likely be charged and jailed.

I just hate how some sex offenders get a lot lesser sentance than things like a cold burg where no one gets hurt obviously the person is found charged and the items returned/paid for in the end but they get jail time whereas sex offenders sometimes just get off... Its disgusting. A cold burg you can replace those items... sex offence you can never replace someones innocence or soul.

[321]

I reported it. It was not easy. It was awful. Rape charges differ by state. And when I reported it, the officer said the rape was not a crime against ME, but it was rather a crime against the STATE. That was really weird to hear.

Here's what happened: First, I went to the hospital ER even though 3 days had passed (I called, and they wanted me to come in, and I saw a person who was specialized in preserving DNA evidence (a SANE nurse: Sexual Assualt Nurse Examiner). The SANE asked if I wanted to report it, and I said yes. That didn't mean I was going to trial. It only meant I was telling the police what happened. I didn't want to "ruin" their lives or necessarily have them go to prison. I just wanted them not to do it to anyone else, and I thought by reporting it, I may help someone down the line.

At the hospital, I had to WAIT for the officer to arrive. I asked if I could just have the number and report it in the morning, but no, I was told the officer would be here soon, and I had to tell my story to yet ANOTHER person. The officer arrived, he was nice. He told me from what I said it sounded like the guys had done this before and that they took steps to cover their tracks. I was surprised. He then passed the case on to another police officer who would take over. That experience with that officer was HORRENDOUS. I've often thought that reporting it was worse than the actual rape itself. But still, I told myself I'm doing this so it doesn't happen to someone else.

During the reporting, I was asked if I would be willing to go to court. I didn't know if I reported it if it meant I was obligated to go to court. In this case, I hesitantly said, yes, I'll testify in court. Weeks went by with further questioning as my case was being reviewed. The officer told me he'd call me with an update. A week went by. I waited. A second week went by, and I left a message asking if he had any updates on the case or if I should be prepared for a court date. He called back, left a message, and said the case was closed...sorry forgot to tell me that.

So, the guys went free. YEARS later, I googled their names and learned they had done the same exact thing they did to me to another person. That person did have a case that went to court. They dragged her through the mudd. They counter sued. They sued her saying she ruined their reputation. There were multiple appeals. Back and forth. I think now they are registered sex offenders. I always wanted to reach out to the woman they raped and tell her THANK YOU for suffering the court trial I never got. I wanted to tell her that she wasn't the only one out there they did this to. I think in court, lawyers can't bring up any previous crimes, so I don't think the woman even knew. I think back and think that this woman could have been saved her suffering if my case had gone to trial, if they had been convicted.

--321

[kjh92395]

I didn't report my abuse. I disclosed in therapy that my brother, girlfriend & new baby had moved in with my father ( my abuser) I was in a state of panic for their safety. Little did I know that the law stated that the therapist had to report it to the state. Do I regret it? Yes After it was reported, I lived in a state of fear. But 10 years have passed now & it isn't as hard to process

[prettysilly]

I regret reporting my father everyday of my life. I recently decided that Im going to meet with him soon and let him know that Ive forgiven him. For some odd reason I almost feel the need to apologize to him for destroying the father daughter aspect of our relationship. My father was the only person in my life as a child that would say they loved me. Although behind closed doors he was sexually abusing me in every other aspect he was nice and loving while everyone around me abused me. I thought by telling I was doing the right thing but actually I rid myself of the only ounce of love and kindness that I had. After that ny life was even more terrible. With absolutely no one who cared anything about me at all I ysed to wonder if maybe I had made a mistake by telling. Twenty years later and I have still yet ti encounter anyone who loved me as purely as my father did when he wasn't hurting me. If I had it to do all over again I think I would have tried talking to my dad first and attempting to salvage the good parts of our relationship. I don't know, I just think no good could ever come out of abusing the child who depended ob you as a sole source for love.

[fallenstar]

I don't regret reporting my ex boyfriend. I did at first because i was scared of how it might turn out but the past ten years have been Chris free and i am so glad of that. He was a horrible person. Charming and manipulative. Sweet yet scary.

i love life without him.

I wish i could report my father but I'm not ready for that yet.

[marz]

No regrets whatsoever... I didn't actually report the abuse, but the police came to me and I gave statements about my father's abuse against me - both 20 odd years ago, and last year too to support someone else's accusation against my father. If for no other reason (and I can think of a few), I am glad I made these statements as they probably helped save at least some other children from being abused by him!

[MissUnderstood]

I would never regret reporting it. I tried to set an example for other women who weren't so fortunate or brave to report. I suffered a terrible loss in the end, I didn't get the justice I deserved. My case was very public so I also received degrading comments. Still, I regret nothing. I tried my best, I held my breath, I fought hard, and I am not going to let this ruin me from obtaining the closure I deserve.

[marz]

You did do your best MissUnderstood - I feel proud of you for standing up for the truth and am sorry you didn't get justice - but hold your head up high and do not let the inadequacies in the justice system affect you and your healing journey - all the very best to you, marz

[~*chelsea*~]

yes because nothing was done about it... if he went to jail then i would feel so much better but that didnt occur so its still free and i feel like im in hell...

[youjustmight62]

The only reason I reported it was the hope that I would stop him from ever doing it again.

But it is difficult to say the least.
It is draining and humiliating and the hardest thing I think I will ever have to do.

This is coming from somebody who is in the middle of the process so I still hold that hope that I won't regret it in the end.

[RoseWay]

I regret reporting the shit with my brother.

I regret not reporting what happened when i was inpatient.

[lulo18]

I regretted reporting it for a long time and then I regretted not taking it further, on Friday I did something for me, I applied to the police for any information they had regarding me and the report I made. Not sure what I'm going to do if any information comes back. I'm hoping they have my original report.

[Karleen]

I've had, unfortunately a few different things happen to me. One was SA by my boyfriend. I called the police and tried to report it. They laughed at me after they interviewed him about the incident. I was never so humiliated in my life. I went to a shelter and was encouraged to report it again. The police department actually sent the same officer that I dealt with the first time. I never reported anything again. My experience with the police was humiliating and excruciating. I cannot speak for the officers in your area. I would hope that they would take the situation a lot more seriously than the ones that dealt with me. In another incident I went to the hospital (same city) and had a rape exam done. The hospital staff were wonderful and made the experience ok but they were required to call the police and again I was treated like crap. I cried and cried. Didn't leave my home for weeks. If the police cannot help, where do you turn? I knew that I had no one and no where to go. It was awful that those that are paid to serve and protect treated me like a liar and a criminal. Never again will I involve the police.

[persephone786]

I did not and will not report it. To me it will be many times multiplied a horrendous process . In this cruel world where people will blame me and malign my character. Nope, thank you very much. I don't regret not reporting it at all.

I will get justice some day. Don't know how or when. I haven't given up on Karma and the Universe yet. I don't have it in me to put up a fight.

All I want right now is to support and be good to myself. I'm literally all alone in a foreign country and I refuse to give up and stop making a good life for myself. Maybe I'll find someone to love and hug me. Ugh I need a hug. It's been years.

[needavoice2015]

I wish I'd had the courage to make reports and to stand up for myself. I regret all the years I lived from a place of fear.