sleepysheep

Did You Regret Reporting It? Where You Glad?

92 posts in this topic

It took me years to acknowledge that it was even r***.I won't say I hate the guy- I almost pity him, he is a pitiable figure, really.He has not grown into a man worth saving from prison, is the sad truth I have to live with. As for reporting or anything,I cant face it, dont want to deal with him or his sh***y life. He is vegetarian and I confess when I read that tofu can give you kidney stones, I punched the air.

And they say there is no justice. In my counselling, it was like this.

Counsellor- So you are saying you hope he has kidney stones?

Me-(laughing) Yes.

I was a nice person once. Where'd she go to?

Edited by louiseroi

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was 14 when I reported it. Was so very scared but I did everything I was asked during questioning and other things they do. He is now out of jail but I can say that I am glad I did it and I hope he learned his lesson.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

No, I do not regret reporting, but I can't say that I was happy. The police were useless, but the detective assigned to my case believed me at least.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have no regrets reporting it. In fact I should have done it sooner.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I reported it, yesterday. I was in a reck and today is no better. The investigator called to ask if I wanted to press charges. It is/was hurting me thinking about doing it to him. So far, regret for reporting as it has opened up info on him that I would prefer to remain secret. However, I REGRET NOT reporting every man that molested my sister and I.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

:bye: ...Hello all, I pressed charges today. It was very hard in so many ways. I couldn't help but yell and cry in the car. Any plans was cancelled as my day was ruined I had a really sweet female detective, but I am regretting reporting and pressing charges. In order to remain firm and strong, the man that I trusted for 15 years has to be a figment of my imitation/ a ghost. Inside, I still want to protect him and make excuses for him even though he r**ped me and left me feeling insane.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is my first time ever speaking of it so bear with me.I'm meeting with a police detective tomorrow to make the initial report so I hope im making the right choice.these have been the hardest couple days of my life I just told my wife of twelve years about the issue that happendd 25plus years ago..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I regret not reporting it. But at this point it is a he said she said because the evidence is gone. I had a friend who reported it immediately and did the whole evidence stuff. I cannot tell you how it was for her because I don't know. I only have a basic understanding. However, I do know that when the guy went to prison, she benefited(helped her heal) due to him being held accountable. 

Edited by SilentBird
typo

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It wasn't really me who reported the incident. My friend did, Honestly, I don't know how to feel about it. I want to forget it ever happened because the incident itself made me have a complete mental break down. Part of me is glad because if the investigation goes the way it should HE wont be able to do this to anyone else. The other part of me is upset because now my parents are upset at me and think I'm a drunk because they wont believe that HE slipped something into my drink. The cop who has been helping me is great but I don't think he believes me either. I honestly want it to go away because I can't sleep at night and I can't be in my own home alone. This whole thing has opened the door of the worst mental break down I have ever had. I have even begun to revert to my eating disorder. However, HE needs to be brought to justice so I am glad my friend reported it. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It took me having a complete debilitating panic attack at work for me to report him.  I tried to go on for a month and three days, but he came in on his day off and I couldn't do it.  Walked by him a few times trying to psych myself up each time and finally I started crying and hyperventilating in the corner.  One of the very nice bakery ladies saw me and took me upstairs where my store leader called the cops.  So even in reporting, I was pretty passive.  But it was empowering.  After that, after telling so many people my story that day, I kept on doing it.  I did it on facebook, I've done it at work, I even told someone that I play an online game with earlier.  I know I make them uncomfortable.  But people need to know that this is happening and it happens to more people than they know.  And it, unfortunately, could happen to them. And I want them to report it much faster and have evidence so their r*pist will be taken off the streets.  Because mine is still doing what he pleases. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

i reported him as an adult. i dont regret it. nothing changed. he is still the same person, as is my mother. 

wicked people thrive but i will win in the end

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been raped/assaulted four times now. The first time was in Italy-I was on a crowded bus with my study abroad group when a man just stuck his fingers up the edge of my shorts and inside me. I didn't know what to do, I have no idea how to react. It took me nearly a week of sleepless night to tell my professor-his reaction was amazing, so compassionate, so helpful, but the police did NOTHING. The second time, I was in a taxi on the way home from a friend's house in Korea-I didn't know where I was, and he took me to a construction site and raped me. Beat me, nearly killing me. The police blamed me-I had to go through lie detector tests and everything-because I must have known him, I must have asked for it. I dealt with a lot of guilt and fear and negative emotions after that. Finally I started to feel better, but recently I was assaulted. I was groped in an elevator at my current job. No one would believe it though, I don't want to deal with putting my name through that to try to have anything done about it. About a month ago, I was with someone I trusted, someone I was starting to date, but I SAID NO. I said it over and over again, but he thought it was a joke, he thought it was a game. I don't want to tell, because I have no proof-we were hanging out a lot, but I didn't want it to happen. I have nightmares all the time. I don't know what to do-I don't want to it happen to someone else, but I don't think anything would actually happen to him. I'm so torn, I don't know what to do. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so sorry about the way that the police treated you cac142, especially the second time. How awful and to state the obvious, NO ONE ASKS TO BE ASSAULTED. It is always the fault of the abuser, always.

I can understand feeling conflicted about not wanting to report this latest assault after what you have been put through before. It would be very difficult to believe that you will be listened to and believed. At the end of the day the decision belongs to you alone, and you have to put your well being first. Good luck and take very gentle care.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I haven't reported any historic abuse mostly because I have only recovered memories of what happened when I was a child recently. One of the people who abused me fortunately died eighteen years ago, so I at least know that he isn't hurting anyone anymore but I'm sure that he had many victims besides me. 

The other is still alive, but old. It's too complicated for me to report him; too many relationships that will be damaged, too many people hurt. He has integrated himself right into the fabric of my family and former community and can just say that I have mental health problems if I accuse him of anything. He has spent his whole life building this persona and keeps people loyal through money and manipulations. In fact, with age and infirmity he's managed to cultivate a very believeable role as a victim himself. It would be like prosecuting a whiny jello mold.

The last one is someone who I have to keep secret in order to avoid being accused of a false accusation. There was also a delay of several years in my full understanding that he was an abuser  - that was how powerful his manipulations were. He told me right from the moment of the assault that it wasnt his fault and that too many people relied on him for me to press charges.

I felt so bad about what he said that I blamed myself for what had happened and imagined him as a victim of the system he worked in. Ironically, I felt terrible for years about causing problems for him. The rage I felt when I understood how badly he had not only hurt me but then gone on to smear my character to deny me help for my injuries and cause ongoing difficulties for me cannot be overstated. I wanted that POS drawn, quartered and his head put on a stake in the square. In my eyes public humiliation was going to be the only  punishment that would fit the crime and stop him from committing more.

I can never publicly name him or say anything about what he did and did not do, so I write anonymously about him, and have for years in the hope that someone in a position to do something about him will recognise who I am talking about. I dream that someone has made his life a living hell on earth. God knows that's what mine was like for so long after what he did.

Edited by stagnes

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I totally suggest reporting it. For your and the world's sake. It took me five years to report a not-very-violent sexual assault that I did not fight out of fear of escalating a situation into something horrifying with a large man on drugs and alcohol. I had moved back to Michigan when I reported it, and the police officer who took the report over the phone was amazing. Obviously very well-trained on this subject. It really couldn't have gone better. He totally got why I had taken five years to report it, too. This is pretty common, apparently. I'm glad I did it because it is now officially on the guy's record in case he tries something like this ever again or has done so in the past. 

This is just my humble opinion, of course. 

Good luck,

Karen

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

P.S. If you did not want it to happen, it was 100% NOT your fault! The attacker is at fault 100%. And feel free to allow yourself to get pissed-off about this!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Anonymous75 said:

I totally suggest reporting it. For your and the world's sake. It took me five years to report a not-very-violent sexual assault that I did not fight out of fear of escalating a situation into something horrifying with a large man on drugs and alcohol. I had moved back to Michigan when I reported it, and the police officer who took the report over the phone was amazing. Obviously very well-trained on this subject. It really couldn't have gone better. He totally got why I had taken five years to report it, too. This is pretty common, apparently. I'm glad I did it because it is now officially on the guy's record in case he tries something like this ever again or has done so in the past. 

This is just my humble opinion, of course. 

Good luck,

Karen

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. It sounds like it was totally terrifying and enraging and I'm sure that it not only did you good personally to report, but also protected other potential victims too.  He sounds like a dangerous criminal, and it's a testament to good practice that the police officer that you spoke to understood your trauma and took you seriously. That is the way everyone should be treated when they report SA.

Unfortunately, not everyone is treated that way when they come forward, and that is why I personally don't feel that it is a good idea to report in every situation. In my case, the perpetrator lurked within a system that had the ability to make my life very difficult if I had attempted to come forward. I didn't know it until it happened, but that kind of intimidation can be fostered within some institutions and certain professional organisations - places and people with a lot to lose; money being the least of it.

In my case, IMO, there was very little upside in reporting. I did not have irrefutable proof of the crime until several years later because the perpetrator and their colleagues/institution joined forces to stonewall me and cover up evidence. They were poised and waiting to claim that they were being maliciously targeted by a greedy litigant if I had attempted to expose what had happened to me and tbh, a counter attack like that when I was already vulnerable from the original assault would not only have been personally devastating but also would have had lasting repercussions, i.e., in the form of denial of services and harassment in the future. In fact, to a degree, that has happened anyway.  It has been very unfair,  but unfortunately I have had very little power to change anything about it.

I don't know if you had read my response when you wrote yours, but please know that I genuinely don't mean to be argumentative. I wish that it was a good idea for all victims to report, and am so happy that you received good treatment when you did. It definitely was the right decision for you to have reported.

 I would have liked more than anything to have reported my perpetrator and still feel deep regret and anger that I couldn't. Even taking my disappointment and concern that may be other victims into account though, I am still convinced that I did the right thing in not doing it. Reporting would ultimately have only jeopardised my safety and recovery and there was very little chance that the perpetrator would have been stopped and/or punished.  I wish that wasn't the case, but it was.:(

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now