sleepysheep

Did You Regret Reporting It? Where You Glad?

85 posts in this topic

I recently reported mine...all I had were my psych evals and journals. The officers made me and my mom meet with him twice...he confessed both times on tape. He is currenlty in county jail waiting court. Im not sure if we will go to trial or not. Im glad I reported it but at the same time in a sick way I felt sorry for him, like I was putting him away forever for what he did to me...It was and is a lot of mixed emotions for me....sad, happy, tired, guilt, frustrated, scared, angry....

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I regret reporting it, If my daughter was to be raped in future I would advise her NOT to report it. It has destroyed me.

xx

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Yes, I regret 3 times over.

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i was lucky when i reported because i had evidence. the night before i reported he tried making me do things so when i ran to my room he started texting me offering omoney and stuff. my sister found me histerical and wen i told her why she begged me to tell my mom. she was so scared. i was also lucky with the whole legal process. he pleaded guilty so i didnt have to go to court i just had to make a police report. i didnt tell them everything though, i couldnt in front of my mom she was to crushed already. all in all the only regret i have is breaking my family aparty but i guess its ok. he was holding us down, causing un-needed issues

but if your going to report you rele do need a good support system. and i do feel the police handling the case make abig difference. good luck with whatever decision you make :luck:

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Now I regret that I didnt tell what happened to me first. But i regret ever telling at all. I would never have reported. I was accused of lying. When I did tell only my husband believed me because he was familiar with our personal sex life and knew that the lies the rapist told were not things I would willingly do. Funny how life is. The good guy gets it and the bad guys get away with it. Rape really is the only crime in which the victim is blamed.

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I thank God my boyfriend made me report what happened. I was so frozen in the thought of telling the story that I was unable to see the other people I was putting in danger by not reporting it. My children were in direct danger, and so was my boyfriend. It took him explaining his point of view to get me to listen. It was the longest four hours of my life. Would I tell others to always report? No. It is a personal decision that must be made by circumstance. I could see a lot of situations where the outcome might not be positive.

Edited by downtrodden

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I regret opening up to someone, Regret saying i would go to court because it was all a waste of time...

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I didn't have a choice.

I called my best friend hysterical as soon as I had got away from them and she told me that if I didn't report it she would hang up and call the police herself, she said I owed it to other women and potential victims to report it (felt like a bit of the guilt trip to me at the time). Sometimes I wish she had just calmed me down and let me go to bed like I wanted to but other times I am glad I was not given the choice.

It took 18 months to get to court and 2 of them were found guilty in May this year, if the 3rd guy re-surfaces (he ran home to Tunisia) he will also get the same 10 year sentence as the other 2.

I sit and wonder sometimes if things would have been different if I had not reported. My relationships with family and friends suffered and I lost a few friends who either didn't know how to support me or didn't want to!

As for family it has destroyed my relationship with my sister as she just doesn't know how to talk to me anymore (We used to be so close she was known as my shadow) She wanted me to talk to her about it but I felt by not talking to her I was protecting her from the horrors of what they put me through, she was also a whitness at trial as she was the first person to see me when I got home, but it has brought me and my 2 brothers a lot closer together. My older brother and I have always had a very strained relationship ever since we were children, as we were close in age there has always been huge sibling rivalry. My little brother was my rock throughout the trial and I probably would not have got through it without him, he is nearly 6 years younger than me and when it happened he was only just 20.

For my own sanity I am now concentrating on turning the negative into something positive by lobbying for facilities in my area to deal with this sort of crime as there are NO councelling facilities for sexual violence in my town, but it is a regular occurance judging by the local papers.

I'm still undecided about whether I should have reported, as it has still brought a lot of pain, sorrow and heartache to me and my family. Although they were found guilty I still feel like the justice they got was not enough and could never compare to what they put me through, in 10 years time when they are released (well, they will serve half that) they can start again, a clean slate, a new life, I have always got this in my head and have to deal with it daily. When I'm having a good day I am glad with the outcome of reporting, when I am having a bad day I wonder if it really was all worth it.

I had an amazing legal team and the police where fantastic, they kept me up to date all the way through and called sometimes just to see how I was doing. When I was giving my statement it took 2 days along with the examinations and stuff, but they were brilliant and let me take my time and stop when I wanted to.

Court was the toughest thing I have ever endured and I would never be able to go through that again, I remember walking out of court when I finished giving my evidence and I felt empty like I had given it all I could and I had no fight left, but I did my best and it paid off.

Whatever you decide, good luck and anytime you need a shoulder or an ear just holla, PM me anytime.

:hug: for all if OK

Edited by Littlegoose

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Reporting was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. I thought it would be easy, I thought that the cops were the good guys, and that they would be on my side. I had no idea that they would re-traumatize me to the point where I almost seriously hurt myself. I had no idea they would interrogate me and call me smartass and liar. (I should stop saying they- this is only one) I had no idea that his PRIDE would be more important to him than my life!!! I almost killed myself after I got off the phone with my investigator.

Cops do not know how to treat victims, bottom line. Or atleast that was my expirience. They need serious training, someones gotta do something about that.

Despite the hell it put me through, I am glad that I reported. Because God continues to walk with me and save me. I will be okay no matter what happens. And now I am not letting my r*pist walk away scott free. And even if for some bizzare reason he doesn't get taken to court, atleast for the time being, he can have that fear in him, that he can be arrested, at any second. It is absolutely nothing compared to the fear I've been battling from the trauma, but it is something. And it is the right thing to do...he should have to pay.

Until then, I'm living my life in peace and prosperity, and I'm not letting anyone get in the way of that.

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I did not report mine and I regret it every day of my life.

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Reporting was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. I thought it would be easy, I thought that the cops were the good guys, and that they would be on my side. I had no idea that they would re-traumatize me to the point where I almost seriously hurt myself. I had no idea they would interrogate me and call me smartass and liar.

I cant seem to get away from this one thread. I am stuck here. Over and over. This is what I thought that the cops were the good guys. I really really thought this. I cant get over the fact that the results after the rape are as traumatizing as the rape itself. Am I being dramatic? Why did the "good guys" "re-traumatize me to the point where I almost seriously hurt myself" This is what I am working thru right now. It haunts my dreams more than the flashbacks. HopePsalm70

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:triggering: Don't read if you are having a rough day.

Having a seat with you Hope. I am stuck there too. It was the last thing I expected after years of working directly with them, that they would treat me like crap and not listen to me. The only thing I have been able to come up with is that it is difficult for anyone who has not been assaulted to really understand what that is like. They believe a person "should act or respond differently" and when that doesn't happen it makes sense to them that you are lying, have emotional problems or are full of crap. I think this problem is the result of a lack of understanding and lost of misperceptions about what it is like to be raped, or in my case drugged and beaten. Hugs for you if you want them... I hope you find some peace soon. :hug::hug:

Reporting was one of the hardest things I had to do in my life. I thought it would be easy, I thought that the cops were the good guys, and that they would be on my side. I had no idea that they would re-traumatize me to the point where I almost seriously hurt myself. I had no idea they would interrogate me and call me smartass and liar.

I cant seem to get away from this one thread. I am stuck here. Over and over. This is what I thought that the cops were the good guys. I really really thought this. I cant get over the fact that the results after the rape are as traumatizing as the rape itself. Am I being dramatic? Why did the "good guys" "re-traumatize me to the point where I almost seriously hurt myself" This is what I am working thru right now. It haunts my dreams more than the flashbacks. HopePsalm70

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I don't regret reporting my rape at all; I won in court and my attacker is serving 3 life sentences plus 36 years. It took 2 years to get through the court system but it was worth every bit of frustration that I went through.

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I don't regret reporting my rape at all; I won in court and my attacker is serving 3 life sentences plus 36 years. It took 2 years to get through the court system but it was worth every bit of frustration that I went through.

I like your spunk. Thanks for sharing!

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Sorry I had to post, I know this was up ages ago but Im really interested in what decision you made???

It sounded exactly like my situation and I was worried about my own self doubt letting down my story with the police. I emailed them to ask about the procedure as i wasnt sure which police station to go to - it didnt happen here. They replied asking me to phone them and said this was a serious matter and 'we want to stop him doing it to others'. Guilt trip!

Ive been to scared to make that call....

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:hug::hug::hug::hug::hug: Youll do it when you feel ready Teach, theres no pressure.

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yeah dont know whether to though, especially after what people said on here. Theres not really much evidence :(

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yeah dont know whether to though, especially after what people said on here. Theres not really much evidence :(

Hey I wanted to let you know that there wasn't any evidence except for my word in my case against my grandfather. I won the case though, just by the details off my memories. He is serving four life sentences and 125 yrs in prison without the chance of bail b/c of my case :) I hope you follow your heart no matter what you choose to do about what happened to you. You deserve to own your future no matter what you choose :)

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That's brilliant! However my abuser was my 'friend' and I was drunk and in his flat. It only happened once and it was 8 years ago. I just think they'll throw it out straight away.... :(

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Teac - I think you should call those legal helper RAIIN (i think it is called) people. NO means NO. Last week, last year, whenever.

I feel you should talk to some legal support folks (victim services types?) too and see what they think. If you are strong enough to go through the statements and whatever else - I say go for it. AT leats you will have TRIED.

I am at a similar point. For all I know I can be victimized again by the Police and see him get off scott free. (well not really, we all account for our actions at ONE point...!) But I am TRYING to get help, therapy and get myself to the point WHERE I can file and report this a**hole.

Good luck and keeping good thoughts for you!!!!

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I'm considering reporting mine, er the most recent attack. He has a record.. not a stranger with the authorities. I never thought I'd be around anyone like that. Eh. I have no evidence to support my claim. Not sure if it'll get anywhere, but I need closure.

If you feel strong enough, I say go for it so that you have DONE SOMETHING. Just don't be too attached to what happens AFTER you report it. Then, it is out of your hands....

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Hi Sleepysheep,

I reported mine almost immediately, it was a such an emotional time for me and when I went to court I was so anxious and even more emotional!!

But I have never been more relived in my life when it was over and I don't regret a second of it. Knowing that the accused is never going to be able to do that again will make you feel so amazing.

I wish you luck. xx

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Sleepysheep

I agree with Muddylotus, If you feel you need to do something, report it, it will be good for you. I typed up a 5 pg document with as much information as I could remember (I suffered black outs during the rape) and reported it to the police. A good friend came with me and ensured that the police were women. They were supportive and also honest about the process. I haven't taken the next step yet, I still need to get dates and more detail but I felt a huge sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted.

Right now I'm working through the trauma, and trying to survive. I still need to submit a formal statement, which requires me to go through the whole experience again, just not ready right now to go into that kind of detail about it yet. Things have been going a bit off the rails with my young daughter, the strain is beginning to affect her. But it still plays on my mind everyday whether I should take it a step further sooner or not. It's hard enough getting myself better, but it does bug me that he is free and I'm the one who is suffering with my daughter. The perpetrator was someone I worked for, he followed me to the toilet after getting me drunk. and then tried to do it again at a later date but didn't succeed.

I know I need to take it easy on myself, but I get really frustrated. At times I feel I have a good chance taking it to court and then I'm changing my mind. The chances of getting justice is anyone's guess.

Still undecided.

x

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That's brilliant! However my abuser was my 'friend' and I was drunk and in his flat. It only happened once and it was 8 years ago. I just think they'll throw it out straight away.... :(

Hi

you need to do what feels right for you, i took 3 days to report mine, i was drunk too and convinced i was drugged, the more time passed the clearer the picture got. i was worried the police would not believe me and that i had created holes in my case. i must say i had a fantastic police officer and at times i thought i could not see it thru to the court case, the pressure was intense. i lived breathed and slept this attack. however after the court case i left court, knowing i could not do any more and in a funny way a huge weight was lifted and im glad the jury saw this man for what he was.

jason mcintyre, i can name him follwoing his conviction had done this before, moved around the uk from newcastle and dont doubt there are others out there who had not reported it for a number of reasons. i could not let him get away with this nor live with the fact he might do this again to some one else. he is convicted now and will be sentenced next week. he is a fantastist sexual preditor.

would i do this all over again??? yes i would, it brought some closure for me and i dont have any regrets, i think had i not reported it it would of been harder for me to move on.

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As far as reporting goes - any suggestions for preperation and then the actual POLICE visit??

Thanks for suggesting writing it all out - I too was drugged and had black outs....I haven't been able to do all that writing yet...

Can I take a friend? Can I have a FEMALE officer (or is it whoever?)....

And, does anyone have ANY other suggestions??

I don't feel strong enough just yet, but soon....I hope....I feel so STUCK until I at least get it reported....I think....geez, I dunno...I am so worried he is going to move away or even stay and HURT someone else..... He is on probation so I am pretty sure he'll go right to jail....geez I feel SO GUILTY I can't go in yet!!!... :-(

Thanks!!!!

Mudd

PS - I have since become a bit closer to a male friend - and he is really pissed about the whole thing that happened, but he is being VERY VERY supportive and helpful and caring (geez, where was he while the sh*t was hitting the fan???lol) >>> any suggestions on having a male support person?.... (I am also kinda confused as I have feelings for this guy that are growing- but am soooooo terrified in general - how odd is all that!???)

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