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Hello I Am New


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Hello everyone!

I found this place last Sunday and registered under the name of Tiang.

It's been a while I haven't spoken about it because it has become too much and too painful, especially since September 2008. Once more, since then I was under the "avoid" strategie - avoiding to think about the subject, avoiding news which could deal with it, avoiding movies or anything related to it.

From the beginning I knew it was just a phase, a temporary phase, necessary to protect myself.

To make it short, for several months now the need to speak has become more and more present.

But unable to find a safe place, I just put this need away. And so far it's been successful.

But not anymore.

I wont "share details of my story here" as it is said in the post, but I feel in order to present myself a little, I need to introduce myself and my story a little bit.

I am 27 and live in France. I begun to become aware of what I had been through when I was 20. And in the beginning I could not realise what it was. That was too difficult. But with time I could speak about it, and little by little say the right words and realised it. I was abused in my childhood by my father, with a mother who knew everything and who prefered (and still does) to close her eyes and ears. At the age of 20 I left my parent's place (for other reasons - the abuses had been long "forgotten" by my conscious) and since then I deal with my life, problems and consequences by myself. I reported it to the police, the judicial system was very very long and after more than 5 years, he was recognised innocent (with the trial being "horrible" to me despite what my lawyer expected). For the first time he admited some of the things he did, but still the judge decided to rule he is not guilty. That was devasting for me. At that time I was just about to go abroad for one year as part of my studies (a dream coming true) and decided to put that away from me, not to destroy something positive, the dream. This year abroad "saved" me as I was not only miles away from him (not happening to run into him in the street) but also miles away from the place which is too close to that past. I was in a new environment, meeting new people, in a diffferent society, one that has not been prejudiciable to me.

I would like to connect myself to my past again, and not to be running away from it.

I would like to overcome that, and be able to rise from the cender as does the phoenix, or as using the image of this site, to be as the lotus.

I know that it is possible to transform something negative and ugly into something positive and beautiful. I would like to do that. And I know this is not easy.

Sometimes it seems it is possible, as if I was on the way to it. And other times it seems so far away.

At the moment I don't really know where I am. I just know that I have this need to speak, not only about my past but a bit about everything. A need to exchange with others.

And the web site seems to be serious and safe and going toward a positif attitude.

I hope I will be able to do that here.

Thanks

Tiang

Ps I still can't use all the functionalities as when I registered it was written something like it needed to be confirmed by an administrator but I haven't heard anything since.

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Hi Tiang,

My name is Lynn, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome to After Silence.

I hope that you find comfort and support here, and I am glad that you have joined with us . I look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible...also if you need someone to listen, let me know.

Take care,

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Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Thank you for sharing with us.

Found

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Hi!

Thank you for your replies and welcomes!

Tiang

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enchante' tiang.

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enchante' tiang.

Merci, enchantee aussi!

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enchante' tiang.

Merci, enchantee aussi!

avec plaisir, tiang. bienvenue!

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Hello!

Thanks

T C

Tiang

hi there Tiang, :)

i was chatting to you in the chat room on monday and just wanted to say hi and welcome :)

amethyst

:flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers::flowers:

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