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Finally Have The Guts To Post

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Hello everyone. I've been a member for a while, but finally getting the guts to put up a post. I really don't know what to say. I've read a lot of stories, but with my story, I feel like I'm coming on here and saying that I have a hangnail. I feel so bad for what all of you have been through. I realize I am so fortunate mine was not worse than it was, and my heart goes out to each and every one of you.

Brief history, I was sexually assaulted 3 times (1988, 1992, 2006). None of them were rape, but just enough to put me in a bad place mentally. I've struggled with it for many years. I told my husband, but that was the worst mistake I could have made. He made me feel worse about it. He has told me that I "like to remember that stuff because I love it so much". And that it "ruined his life", because I have a hard time being intimate with him. So, needless to say, I am trying to figure out my exit strategy from this marriage. I can't take those remarks anymore.

Well, I apologize if this is in the wrong forum, I really didn't know where to start. Maybe someday I will have the courage to post what happened, but for now, this is what I can do. And it's a start.

Thank you for having this safe place to come to. It's good to know there's an outlet if needed. I hope to offer some support also.

Judy

Edited by heyjude432

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Hello everyone. I've been a member for a while, but finally getting the guts to put up a post. I really don't know what to say. I've read a lot of stories, but with my story, I feel like I'm coming on here and saying that I have a hangnail. I feel so bad for what all of you have been through. I realize I am so fortunate mine was not worse than it was, and my heart goes out to each and every one of you.

Brief history, I was sexually assaulted 3 times (1988, 1992, 2004). None of them were rape, but just enough to put me in a bad place mentally. I've struggled with it for many years. I told my husband, but that was the worst mistake I could have made. He made me feel worse about it. He has told me that I "like to remember that stuff because I love it so much". And that it "ruined his life", because I have a hard time being intimate with him. So, needless to say, I am trying to figure out my exit strategy from this marriage. I can't take those remarks anymore.

Well, I apologize if this is in the wrong forum, I really didn't know where to start. Maybe someday I will have the courage to post what happened, but for now, this is what I can do. And it's a start.

Thank you for having this safe place to come to. It's good to know there's an outlet if needed. I hope to offer some support also.

Judy

Thank you so much for posting this! I'm having a bit of a hard time posting as well...

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sorry hun that it has been hard

and your hasband has no right to say such things... he obviously has no idea what its like.

please do not compare your life stoies to others. all in all you experienced it. and no matter how small or large it all may seem to you, its still hard to cope with and it happened

remember here at AS we understand and give support as we can. And only post if you are ready, dont force yourself.... thinking of yourself first. ok

please dont compare your past to anyone else... everyones is different but none the different, its still had, it still happened. but im here for support. as many of AS will.

take good kind care of yourself, best wishes

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Hi there.

Welcome to AS.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

Found

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Thank you everyone for your validation. It helps beyond what one could ever imagine. I truly appreciate it.

I try not to compare my situation with others. I am trying so hard to not do that anymore. It's just so many have been through such horrific things, and mine is nowhere near that scale. I am truly at a loss for words right now, I'm amazed by your support and it's very truly appreciated. I hope to be able to post more, once I learn to get the hang of this.

Thank you all again, you have helped immensely.

Judy

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:hug::hug::hug:

Glad you have some kind of support.

Found

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Guest SaraElizabeth

Hi, and welcome to AS :)

My name is Sara and I'm a member of the Newbie Support Team, which was set up to help new members settle in. So if you have any questions or problems then feel free to send me a message and I'll do my best to help you out.

Im glad you got the courage to post. You're welcome here - you don't need to compare stories, everyone belongs here. It's a forum for sexual violence of any kind, not just rape. All kinds of sexual violence do the same kinds of damage. It can be hard not to sometimes, I know.

I'm sorry your husband isn;t supportive. I hope this site gives you all the support you need and more.

Take good care,

Sara x

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Hello everyone. I've been a member for a while, but finally getting the guts to put up a post. I really don't know what to say. I've read a lot of stories, but with my story, I feel like I'm coming on here and saying that I have a hangnail. I feel so bad for what all of you have been through. I realize I am so fortunate mine was not worse than it was, and my heart goes out to each and every one of you.

Brief history, I was sexually assaulted 3 times (1988, 1992, 2006). None of them were rape, but just enough to put me in a bad place mentally. I've struggled with it for many years. I told my husband, but that was the worst mistake I could have made. He made me feel worse about it. He has told me that I "like to remember that stuff because I love it so much". And that it "ruined his life", because I have a hard time being intimate with him. So, needless to say, I am trying to figure out my exit strategy from this marriage. I can't take those remarks anymore.

Well, I apologize if this is in the wrong forum, I really didn't know where to start. Maybe someday I will have the courage to post what happened, but for now, this is what I can do. And it's a start.

Thank you for having this safe place to come to. It's good to know there's an outlet if needed. I hope to offer some support also.

Hi Judy,

I wish I could say or do something to make you feel better. All I can say is that I think your husband is a terrible person. He sounds so selfish and mean. A husband should be there for suipport and to love you no matter what. He is just being cruel. If I were you I would leave asap. but you have to make the decision. I know it will be very hard but I will be praying for you.

ebrady

Judy

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Welcome to AS :) I'm glad that you found the courage to post, I just recently did myself. I am sorry that your husband does not support you and he has NO RIGHT to say those things to you. Also no matter how big or small the sexual violence is, it is still difficult to cope with so DO NOT feel as though you do not belong here just because it wasn't rape. I hope that you find the support you need here and feel free to PM me anytime :) We are all in this together :hug::hug:

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It is hard not to compare your stories with others, but any sexual abuse has a profound negative effect. In the interview Oprah had with child molestors (you can find it online) she asked them to explain the difference in effects from molestation and effects from rape. They all instantly replied that there was none. I have a hard time telling people, thinking they won't take it seriously because 'it's not big enough'. But any violation of you is spirit breaking, with long lasting harm. That is a big deal.

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I am very proud of you for having the courage to share and trust in us. Let me just say one thing. Trauma of any kind is still trauma. No matter if it happend once, twice, or three times or was repetative for a long period of time. It can be just as traumatic as anyone here. So please don't feel like your story or trauma is less than any of ours. We are all here for each other. Welcome to our family.

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Thanks everyone... you guys all have me crying (not in a bad way). It just feels so nice to finally hear sensitive and kind words instead of judgements. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! :blush:

I've made it this far, I can keep going. It's just that sometimes it gets to be too much, and last night was one of those times. Sorry for rambling, thank you so much everyone!

Judy

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Hi Judy, this is the first post I have read in the forums and I felt a need to reply.

When something happens to you, it's your feelings you are dealing with.

It's you that has been traumatised.

What may seem large or small to the next person is of no matter to you hun, because it is massive and traumatic to YOU! It happened to you!

Don't feel you cant share because there may be someone who, in your estimation has suffered more than yourself. There is no level or degree when it comes to any abuse, rape etc. You are traumatised too and also need help and support, your just as important as the next person.

As for your husband I am almost lost for words.

If you have had to listen to how this ruined "his" life I'm not surprised you feel as though your experience is so insignificant.

As for the intimacy, if you had been shown compassion maybe your confidence and trust would have grown.

So sorry to go on, but it's you that needs love and understanding.

Keep safe, God Bless

Ferret x

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welcome to as, judy.

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It is very hard not to compare your story to others, but I agree wtih everyone else- it's the trama that counts. And healing is easier when you don't have negative people in your life, so if you want to leave your husband, you'll have support from us all the way!

:clap::supportu::yahoo:

:luck:

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I am thinking about you.

Found

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