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vivaverde

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just wanted to say hello and am happy to be a part of this community...is it 'normal' or "usual' to still be in denial of anything happening to me as a child? some days i know it happened and some days i just cant believe it...im in a relationship and i even go so far as to blame him and say that i must not be in love and that THAT is the reason why i just dont want to be intimate. or cant be intimate.

i am having some mental flashbacks as well as body memories now during these intimate moments... it's all very real and all very scary.

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welcome to as, viva.

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Hi there. Welcome to AS.

I hope you find this site to be helpful.

Found

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Hi! Welcome to AS, I'm Finiece.

You can message me anytime if you need to talk, I hope this place helps you. :flowers:

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Are you finding your way around the boards ok?

Found

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Welcome to AS Viva. :flowers: You'll learn that pretty much anything is "normal" when you're a survivor!

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Guest SaraElizabeth

Hi Vivaverde, and welcome to AS :)

My name is Sara and I'm a member of the Newbie Support Team here at AfterSilence, so if you have any questions or problems then feel free to send me a message and I'll do my best to help you out.

It is normal and usual to be in denial - I'm sure it's something that alot of survivors have in common, and I hope being here can help you out and you find all the answers and support you need.

Take good care,

Sara x

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Thank you all for your support and rapid responses! wow. it is really comforting to know that i am not alone...i have really only opened up to one person about this so far...and at times it can feel really lonely even though he has his own experiences to share with me...there is a part of me that feels that women can relate a bit "closer" when it comes to the way i feel, and the things i think...especially since i am in a relationship with him. Sometimes i feel like he doesnt get it, or that he is putting his own wants and desires first since he has been dealing with his for over 10 years through therapy etc. and i am just very new to dealing with it. i know he loves me and wants me to get through this...but right now i just feel very alone, very abnormal, and very non-sexual. it makes me feel like less of a woman. i dont feel pretty. i dont feel desirable. and i wonder how long he will actually be able to deal with me like this before he has to go elsewhere to seek the sexual companionship and intimacy he needs...I don't blame him if this is what has to be done, but I don't want to feel pressured in the mean time to satisfy him...he would never cheat on me. that's not what im worried about. but the distance between us grows on a daily basis.

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