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Har

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Hello everyone. My name is Har. I'm a secondary survivor. My wife was assaulted about a year ago, and I need guidance from other survivors/secondaries on how I can continue to support her.

I am a guy, and I hope to not upset anyone. :blush: This has been a hard road for her, and for myself as well. I love my wife with all that I am, and I am devastated to see her suffer like that. I was guided to the board by a friend of mine, and I hope to find the answers to some of my questions as well.

I thank you all ahead of time for your help.

-Har

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Welcome Har

You're very welcome her, and I'm sure many would be happy to give you advice.

It's nice that you care so much about her, it can be a bit difficult to be a secondary survivor, because it affects your life as well..

Hope you find this site useful

Birka

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Thank you both for your replies.

I have a few books that my wife had picked up... Very very helpful in understand what survivors have to endure. We've also been in therapy together, and that has been wonderful.

I guess I still feel like there's something more I can be doing. And besides that, I want to talk to other survivors to get input on some things we are going through. I just... I want to help her as much as I can without being a bother.

She's come pretty far, but sometimes she feels lost and all I can do is just hold her. The circumstances around the assault were very violent for both of us. Perhaps I will tell what happened at another time.

I do care for her very much. I would give my life to save hers. She's my world.

Thank you again.

-Har

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Hi there. Welcome to AS. I hope you find this site to be heplful to you. Jump right on in when you are ready. I look forward to getting to know you.

Found

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Hi Har welcome to AS :flowers: I am glad that you have joined us, I hope we can help you find the answers you are looking for. I look forward to seeing you around.

:hug: :hug:

Sad

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Hi Har

welcome to AS. I am glad dat u are supporting your wife in all of this. You seem to be a great support to her, which can often be hard. I can see that you are struggling with feeling you are not helping her enough, my fiance is the same. But you know, I think you are doing a good job already, I can't speak for your wife, but I know when I am feeling lost/down or whatever, having someone there to hold me is the best thing and I couldn't ask for anymore. One thing I will say is to ask before you do it because some survivors don't want that at all.

If there is any questions or anything I can help you with feel free to pm (private message) me and i'll be happy to help

Look forward to seeing you around the board

Cathy

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Welcome, Har!

I think that it's amazing that you've taken the step to reach out for the help that you might need through this process. Many survivors don' walk their journey alone, and the people that walk alongside them also deserve help, recognition and a place to heal the wounds they've aquired in being a secondary survivor.

I'm glad you decided to join - it takes a lot of courage to open yourself up this way :)

I look forward to seeing you around here.

Peace,

-Jules

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Thank you all, very much for the welcome.

I admit I was nervous to open up about it. I am hurting seeing my wife hurt. And thankfully, she's a tough lady. I admire her courage very much. I told her I found this site while searching for info online, and that I thought it'd be a good idea. It's helped me tremendously already, and I thank you all for your support.

I think my wife will sign up too. That'd be great for her. She says she wants to connect with other survivors, but doesn't like group therapy. This might be a good thing for her. :)

Again, thank you all. I posted more details about our situation in the seconday survivors section, if you want to take a look.

-Har

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Hello Har,

Welcome to AS. I think it is great that you are here and interested in finding ways to seek support for yourself and learn ways to be a support to your wife. My husband could not reach out, be supportive, or even talk to me about my own struggles. It assisted in ending our marriage. Obviously we had other problems, but this was the icing on the cake. So, having said that, you are on the right track to learning how to do all you can to meet her needs as she and you togethor work towards recovery. I am sure you will learn a lot and it will be helpful.

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Welcome to AS. :)

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