New And Unsure

[whateverifear]

I dont know if i should be doing this or not, but it's past 2am and sleep seems to be elusive so i guess i have nothing to lose.

Well, firstly hello, i hope you're all doing okay today. i just turned 21 and am not doing too well. I was abused by a lot of people throughout my childhood and nearly killed when i was 17. despite that i've always done a pretty good job of convincing everyone that i'm okay, that i'm just another ordinary girl with no dark past (always good at hiding the ED, the SI etc). but about 6 months ago the guy who nearly killed me was released from jail and somehow managed to find me (i have moved 7 times since then) and rape me again, leaving me pregnant. i have no idea why he would go to the trouble to do that. ever since then i have been spiralling out of control and am no longer sure how to hold myself together. it is like this last attack was the final straw that opened the floodgate of memories i have been holding back for 20 yrs. and now i jsut feel so scared and alone and everything hurts so much that i dont know what to do anymore. sometimes i just cant breathe with the pain of it all...i dont know if i can survive this...i dont even know if i want to anymore

sorry, i didnt mean to rant like that, its jsut been a bad day and i'm tired. I'm hoping if you accept me here then i might start to feel a little less alone...or at least know that i am not the only one going through this...that i'm not the freak i feel i am...or maybe i am.

sorry...please all take care of yourselves

[SheShy]

Hi and welcome to AS. I hope you find the people here as caring and understanding as I have. Take your time and post when you feel ready. If you need anything feel free to PM me anytime.

Christy

[atomictulip]

Welcome here to AS, I am new here and I am finding that there are people who care and will support you. At least that is what I see here. If you ever want to PM, know that I am new to this and willing to listen and be there for you.

Take care.

[Venia]

Hello!

Welcome to after silence

After having been through so much you deserve all the support you could ever hope for. I really hope that you find some of that here, I know I have. You don't need to apologise for ranting, we all do it from time to time.

Meg

[Donna]

Welcome to the group. :hug:

[Guest Francesca]

Welcome , I hope you can find a tiny bit of relief here, I did....

[tealight rookie]

Welcome to AS sweetie...

I'm so sorry for all that you have been through. Please know that we will support you as much as we can.

Ruthie

[Guest hurtingforever]

((((Sweetie))))

Welcome to After Silence.

Lindsay

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome to AS, I hope that it can help you in some small way ..

[Jessie]

Hi and welcome to after silence Luv Jess xxx

[whateverifear]

thanks for the warm welcome guys...i hope to get to know some of you soon x

[Charlene]

welcome hugs :hug:

~charlene~

[girlinterrupted]

first off welcome. You have every right to ramble. My name is Laura and I was abused by my brother..If you need to talk email me or pm me..

[smilingtears]

ive been there too. im new and i found the site like you up late and scared and depressed and angry and ashamed. we all feel it and we're all here for you girl

look a dancing banana now didnt that make you laugh!!!

youre gunna be ok. youre strong just trust in GOD he loves you!!!