A Suggested Constructive Program Of Chat Events.

[Wolfie]

There has been a thread about how much some of us dislike Halloween up and active for a couple of days now, it's still over 4 weeks untill it happens.

Christmas is another one you'll find mass loathing of among survivors.

And mothers day/ fathers day never fails to cause several threads of ranting and crying every year.

Other people have other trigger days, if you were attacked on the 19th of (insert any month) then of course that day could be a dreadful one for years but...

At Halloween, Christmas, Mothers Day and Fathers Day we have whole concentrations of survivors collectively re-living their trauma. Those are the worst points in the calender it seems.

I have suggested before that the AS chat room is opened, on those days, as a schedualled thing, for the support, fellowship and comfort of those not taking that day too well.

So for example...

"Oct 31st, chat room dedicated to Halloween avoidance."

No ghost stories, no "/me jumps out on A.Member and shouts BOO", no carrying on and on about how cute small kids in vampire costumes posting dog sh*t through the letter boxs are... NO HORROR.

In short, if you think Halloween is the best thing since sliced bread, you can still come in chat, but on that day give respect to those members who're horribly traumatised by it and have nowhere else to hang out tonight... Even the TV and the Radio will be swamped with fake howling and creaking door sound effects...

This is the opportunity for the AS chat room to genuinely do something good. Schedual those days onto a calender so that on them we who have nowhere understanding to turn at all HAVE SOMEWHERE. It's the internet equivalent of soup runs for the homeless... Give us something we need. Give us a day/place where we can expect to be welcome and understood and not expected to participate all happy happy like the rest of the world. Just one place!

I've mentioned this before and got two main gripes back...

1. There's not enough time.

Well it's 4 weeks now, but if that's too quick then it's almost 3 months to Christmas.

2. How is this gonna work?

Easy.

¤ Put it on the schedualled chat list, that for that day (or even just a few hours of that day) there is a Halloween Avoidance Party in chat. And it's to give all those survivors who can't face the festivities going on everywhere else a place to hide. That for that time those survivors avoiding the holiday have priority.

¤ Rope a tame chat mod or two into covering it.

¤ Et voila.

¤ Because it's not a topic chat it's a safe space for a few hours no script or set questions are required. Survivors will turn up and the conversation will happen organically.

And if you're really stuck for staff on Christmas day look to the Pagan or Jewish communities here and you'll find a load of us who wont be celebrating Christmas, don't consider it a special day, and might consider temporary chat mod duties as a kindness to others in very real need. If you need someone on Christmas day you REALLY DO.

Mothers and Fathers day change round the world, but even if you only started with the USA dates (which are shared by many other countries) then that'd be the majority covered and see how it goes before considering other ones.

Aw go on... There's a real need for this and it's simple enough to set up. As I said, this is the last time I'm trying and this time I'm including all the details I left off last time.

I'm not suggesting we cover every possible calender date for everyone... Just the four worst ones. The ones survivors tell us year on year on year that give so very many of us such a hard time.

Please?

[Becky]

I agree that the dates mentioned are difficult for many of us here. I think your suggestion could work, give us some time to discuss it and let's see what can be worked out.

Thank you for the idea.

Becky

[sonnet]

i like it.

and..im short on words, but..good idea

[splitperson3]

I know its not up for a vote but I would vote YES if it were.

kevin

[fall]

I think it is a good idea. Instead of a topic chat it will be a topic avoidance chat.

[Becky]

Karen and I discussed this- there will be info on the calendar soon.

As Karen pointed out, we did do this last year for either mothers day or fathers day, but we just didn't put it on the calendar where everyone was aware.

Thanks for the suggestion.

[Wolfie]

Only just seen this. Thank you ladies.

[sonnet]

karen..becky...thanx fo this!!

[-Possum-]

"Oct 31st, chat room dedicated to Halloween avoidance."

No ghost stories, no "/me jumps out on A.Member and shouts BOO", no carrying on and on about how cute small kids in vampire costumes posting dog sh*t through the letter boxs are... NO HORROR.

This makes me think of Andrew at the meetup...

Thanks for the suggestion Sarah, we're looking into it right now.

Rosi

Edit: it may be hard to get chat mods covering the whole time though. October 31st is something like 44 hours long, all time zones together. People will inevitabley not see the calendar and go into chat, maybe mention hallowe'en, which will result in them facing a room full of people who are maybe angry at them. If no mod is in, the mods may get a lot of messages asking us to come into chat when, realistically, we can't be there the whole time. Possibly some time set aside during the 44 (or whatever) hours that 31st is could work. Other people also have the right to talk about things they like about the holidays.

Edited October 5, 2009 by RosiPossum

[Wolfie]

What I'm suggesting isn't that the entire 44 hours can be covered, but certainly some of it.

And that's liberalism for the sake of liberalism to suggest that you can't prioritise the comforting of the disturbed in case someone wants to casually chat. Can you imagine if Accident Emergency on the same lines? "Sorry Mr and Mrs Smith but we didn't have enough nurses to rescucitate little Chloe because Mr Jones in the next cubical has a broken finger which needed setting and that's important too. Sorry for your loss."

Topic chats happen and equal weight is not given to casual chat at that time either.

There is quite frankly nowhere to go when even one more recorded cackle is more than you can stand. You can't put the TV on, you can't put the radio on, you can't go down the pub, it's everywhere.

And then of course that delightful PTSD symptom the excagerated startle response, how does that work with strangers banging on the door demanding things with threats? It doesn't.

This isn't something which has, or should have, equal priority to chatter. This is providing a small patch of relief to people who are honestly suffering.

So no. People wanting to chatter about how cute the kiddies are in their adorable Vampire costumes do not need to have equal priority. Not in a room full of frightened traumatised people. In a meeting of survivors of the London Underground bombings would you think it appropriate for me to merrily chatter on about how awesome trains are? Or might that be thoroughly bad taste do you think?

By the end of primary school (age 11) I had been made to watch...

¤ All the Nightmare on Elm Streets that had by them been shot.

¤ Pet Cemetary

¤ The Omen (and it's sequel/s)

¤ The Shining

¤ The Exorcist

¤ Carrie? Not sure of the name now, the one famous for the scene where she starts her period in the school showers.

¤ Psycho

¤ The Birds

¤ Christine

¤ The Amityville Horrors series

Er... My memory fails me now. Pet Cemetary was worse than the banned ones, I couldn't look at my dog Rex as safe ever again.

But on the otherhand I do actually really quite like the smell of pumpkins, the festival of Samhain and adorable children.

And the priority goes to?

I'll let you decide.

[Wolfie]

Sorry managed to miss out that the Exorcist was, at that time, still a banned film. Meaning it was not legal to own/distribute it, not sure if that includes to watch it or not, but anyway... It was banned because it was considered too disturbing for British adults, especially the R scene. I was already a CSA survivor when I saw that, I was in Yr6 and it was winter, which makes me 10.

Rosie you know I love you to bits, and we both know if you spent that night keeping me company at my house you really wouldn't coo over the kids, you'd see suffering and help distract. You're not a cruel person.

[luv_teigh]

a possible suggestion to help meet both parties halfway without harming either?

last time we had a scheduled chat, there was a separate room set up just for that, while the regular chat was for people who didnt' want to participate... could that be done again? then those who are highly triggered would have a safe place to be and those that were maybe unaware or having unrelated issues would also have a place to go without taking away from the ones who need this so badly?

i think it was rose maybe that put that together... not sure. but it's worth asking?

[Becky]

Thanks for the suggestion, Luvteigh. It is one of the options we are looking into now.

[blondi]

I love the idea of reserving the chat room for those who need it on major holidays. Having somewhere safe to go where no one will be dressing like Santa might be helpful for survivors who struggle with this. Great suggestion.

Edited October 5, 2009 by blondi

[-Possum-]

In hindsight I should have mentioned having a separate room for people wanting to avoid certain holidays....sorry about that!!

[luv_teigh]

'sokay Rosie - we're all on the same team.