Survived And Now I'm Here!

[amjhdrummer]

Heya!

My name is Amanda, and I'm a Survivor of rape. I have been for almost 3 years now, and it went on for about 3 years before I said anything.

I'm here because my abuser was my brother, so I can't talk to my parents, or sister about it, and both of my best friends had crushes on him and one of them dated him- so I can't really talk to them!! I'm sure many of you know how that feels...So that's why I'm here. I'd also like to try and help/lend an ear to those who need comfort and I'm always giving out virtual hugs if that's ok too!

A little bit about me; I'm 19, in college and I live in Indiana. I love music and art and such and wish to own my own coffee shop one day!! I have a boyfriend whom I've been dating for 8 months and knows of my abuse, but is extremely confused as to how to react to it...which I'm sure is familiar to some of you also. He promises that he's going to marry me one day- So we'll see!

I used to be very active in a couple forums in HS, but then got very busy, but I hope to keep up with this one! From just browsing through it looks like a very caring community- and I'd like to help build it up as one also! Although I will admit I'm a bit nervous about this, as I've never been open enough to just tell whoever is online my story, I've always been in control over that....But we'll see!

Thanks for taking the time to read- and Hugs to anyone who needs 'em if I may!!

~Manda

Edited July 15, 2009 by amjhdrummer

[JenKitty]

I'm here because my abuser was my brother, so I can't talk to my parents, or sister about it, and both of my best friends had crushes on him and one of them dated him- so I can't really talk to them!! I'm sure many of you know how that feels...So that's why I'm here. I'd also like to try and help/lend an ear to those who need comfort and I'm always giving out virtual hugs if that's ok too!

^I know this all to well, as my abuser was my brother. (7 years of abuse though) I know the feeling of not being able to talk to your parents, I still have not told them! I honestly don't think I can. I only recently was able to tell my sister, I went through it so she didn't have to! I am here now not because I need to focus on support for myself (although extra support is always good) but I want to show others support! I have a calling to help others and hopefully through my strength, they will find strength to feel like survivors too!

I have a boyfriend whom I've been dating for 8 months and knows of my abuse, but is extremely confused as to how to react to it...which I'm sure is familiar to some of you also. He promises that he's going to marry me one day- So we'll see!

^ My husband was not sure how to take it at first either. He just knew that he wasn't going to leave me and that he was going to be there for me! He is the first person I ever told of my abuse, we have now been together for over 8 1/2yrs (married almost 4!) It just takes patience, time, and communication, but I believe that if he is willing to support you, there is no reason why he wouldn't marry you one day!

I used to be very active in a couple forums in HS, but then got very busy, but I hope to keep up with this one! From just browsing through it looks like a very caring community- and I'd like to help build it up as one also! Although I will admit I'm a bit nervous about this, as I've never been open enough to just tell whoever is online my story, I've always been in control over that....But we'll see!

^It is nerve wrecking to share your story at times...but you will get there, it WILL become easier! I wish you the very best and welcome to the forum!

[angelic]

Hi and welcome to AS

[John]

Hey Manda

Welcome to AfterSilence - I'm glad to hear you're so enthusiastic to be here and that you're looking forward to being apart of AS, this place, I've found is very supportive and I hope you find that also here, I'm 18, so only abit younger than you are, and also do university (collage) part time

I'm looking forward to seeing you here at AS, please feel free to PM me anytime

John

[fightergirl]

Hi Amanda

Welcome to AS

My name is Cathy, I am part of the newbie support team here at Aftersilence. I will be happy to help you settle in, if you have any problems or questions you send me or any member of the team a personal message.

I am sorry that your brother hyrt you, but I am glad it has stopped. It can be hard when you have no one to talk to, Its good that you talked to your boyfriend about i, I can compleatly understand what you mean when you say that your boyfriend doesn't know how to act, I am with my boyfriend 3yrs and he still often doesn't know, which is understandable because they aren't survivors themselves.. and its not exactly the easiest thing to talk about because of its sensitivity..

I think its great that you want to open a coffee shop I hope it goes well..

Sometimes this forum can get a bit busy, but to tell you the truth I ususaly recognise most of the posters on the board.. so its not to bad.. Hopefully this forum works out better than previous ones did

Take your time with sharing your story, only do it when/if you feel comfortable to do so..

Look forward to seeing you around the board

Hugs and support

Cathy

[Freefrog]

Hi and welcome to AS

[dopey]

Hello and welcome to AS, Amanda

[Moreta]

Hi Amanda,

From one newbie to another - welcome!

Hopefully your b/f will get there. At least he is willing. That says a lot.

My husband struggles with it and he knew my abuser (my best friends brother - my husband was dating my best friend at the time). But he has been patient and gentle and it sounds like your b/f is patient and gentle too.

Try to remember that you are worthy of love. Proper love.

All the best with college too - keep focused on the coffee shop!

Moreta

[whimsical1]

Hi Amanda, and welcome to AS.

[amjhdrummer]

^I know this all to well, as my abuser was my brother. (7 years of abuse though) I know the feeling of not being able to talk to your parents, I still have not told them! I honestly don't think I can. I only recently was able to tell my sister, I went through it so she didn't have to! I am here now not because I need to focus on support for myself (although extra support is always good) but I want to show others support! I have a calling to help others and hopefully through my strength, they will find strength to feel like survivors too!

My parents know. I said that in my original post then edited it cause I really, REALLY don't want to trigger someone. I actually told my mom cause I had been sick for a couple weeks and thought I was pregnant....just that I had been raped though. I hadn't originally planned to tell her it was my brother because I didn't want to be a statistic/break up the family. when she took me to the police station I knew I had to tell...We were best friends before that...Now we constantly fight. Anytime my brother gets brought up (he was kicked out of the house by the state, and i had a social worker, etc, Although now he is married and a Marine) my mom won't tell me whats going on with him and I have to find out via my sister or dad. My dad's settled with the thought but won't choose sides. Mom chose my brothers side and said I was having sex with guys and "wanted to cover it up"....and I was a virgin before that. But I suppose that's all I'll share for now as I said, I really don't want to trigger someone...But you get the idea. My mom won't talk about it, and I miss the relationship I had with her before....

My best friends also know...I was pretty open with it, although mom wanted everything 'hush hush'...

^ My husband was not sure how to take it at first either. He just knew that he wasn't going to leave me and that he was going to be there for me! He is the first person I ever told of my abuse, we have now been together for over 8 1/2yrs (married almost 4!) It just takes patience, time, and communication, but I believe that if he is willing to support you, there is no reason why he wouldn't marry you one day!

He's definitely willing! And although he won't admit it, I can tell by the struggle in his voice that he doesn't know what to say (that, and I've heard the same line several times....lol) But just that he tries helps immensely.

^It is nerve wrecking to share your story at times...but you will get there, it WILL become easier! I wish you the very best and welcome to the forum!

Thank you!!!

Hey Manda

Welcome to AfterSilence - I'm glad to hear you're so enthusiastic to be here and that you're looking forward to being apart of AS, this place, I've found is very supportive and I hope you find that also here, I'm 18, so only abit younger than you are, and also do university (collage) part time

I'm looking forward to seeing you here at AS, please feel free to PM me anytime

John

Hi John I'm glad to be here and hope to see you around also Good luck with College!

Hi Amanda

Welcome to AS

My name is Cathy, I am part of the newbie support team here at Aftersilence. I will be happy to help you settle in, if you have any problems or questions you send me or any member of the team a personal message.

I am sorry that your brother hyrt you, but I am glad it has stopped. It can be hard when you have no one to talk to, Its good that you talked to your boyfriend about i, I can compleatly understand what you mean when you say that your boyfriend doesn't know how to act, I am with my boyfriend 3yrs and he still often doesn't know, which is understandable because they aren't survivors themselves.. and its not exactly the easiest thing to talk about because of its sensitivity..

I think its great that you want to open a coffee shop I hope it goes well..

Sometimes this forum can get a bit busy, but to tell you the truth I ususaly recognise most of the posters on the board.. so its not to bad.. Hopefully this forum works out better than previous ones did

Take your time with sharing your story, only do it when/if you feel comfortable to do so..

Look forward to seeing you around the board

Hugs and support

Cathy

Thank you soo much Cathy! Hope to see ya around also Thanks for the hugs and support. Hugs back at ya!!

Hi Amanda,

From one newbie to another - welcome!

Hopefully your b/f will get there. At least he is willing. That says a lot.

My husband struggles with it and he knew my abuser (my best friends brother - my husband was dating my best friend at the time). But he has been patient and gentle and it sounds like your b/f is patient and gentle too.

Try to remember that you are worthy of love. Proper love.

All the best with college too - keep focused on the coffee shop!

Moreta

Hi Moreta! Thanks! He (my bf) is willing. He's amazing. I really do love him to death!

Thanks for that ...telling me that I'm worthy of love... You are to! I hope your husband gives it too you!!

And thanks too everyone else who said Hi and Welcome, etc. I hope to see you around the boards- and thanks for taking the time to write out a thank you and read my long introduction!!

[emt]

Hi and welcome to AS!

emt

[MidnightSunshine531]

welcome to AS