Hi There

[littlelaurie]

Hi,

I just found this place a couple days ago, while I was going through the first rough patch I've had in a while. I guess I would say that I am "mostly healed" from my experiences, but although I've dealt with so much of what happened, as life goes on, I am presented with new aspects of what happened to deal with. What I do believe is that you are only faced with what you can deal with at the time, even though at the time you can feel completely overwhelmed and in darkness. When I was just an infant up to two years of age, I was sexually abused by my father. I told my mom as a small child, which prompted my parents to get divorced, and my mom (thank god) got custody. Although I always knew what had happened to me, I managed to push it to the back of my mind for most of my childhood. Mostly the anger that I had at my dad as a child was due to him letting me down in other ways, not dealing with the abuse. I had supervised visitation with my dad until I was 14, and then saw him unsupervised (at that point, I knew he wouldn't do anything because he both knew I would tell). Not until I went to college did I really deal with the abuse--I started having body and emotional flashbacks that had me crying and cowering in the closet. I haven't had any contact with my dad since that point. I got a therapist who was really fabulous, and I worked through all those bad times and made it out the other side (It is possible!) I'm proud to say that I'm now in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend (~1.5 years), one where I am comfortable with sexual experiences (which I was very fearful would cause triggers, etc, but turned out fine).

I'm really glad to be in a community of survivors. Being a survivor is not really something I share with people; my family knows from the divorce proceedings, but other than them I've only shared my story with two close friends and my current boyfriend. I think it will be very comforting to be part of a community where people automatically understand a huge part of you. Oh, and my username refers to what I call my inner child, who I've found often needs attention and playtime and cuddles!

I wish everyone strength and inner peace.

Best, Laurie

PS--this little guy is just adorable!

[angelic]

HI, Laurie, and welcome to AS

[dopey]

Welcome to AS

[emt]

Welcome to AS and thank you for sharing your experience.

emt

[fightergirl]

Hi Laurie

Welcome to AS

My name is Cathy, I am part of the newbie support team here at Aftersilence. I will be happy to help you settle in, if you have any problems or questions you send me or any member of the team a personal message

Its good to see hat ou are mostly healed, I am so sorry for what your father did to you it was not right...

I really think that it is great that you got through to the other side of T (therapy) it is really inspirational to me, as I think I am only at the start.. and feels like there will never be an end to this..

Look forward to you seeing you around the board

Cathy

[littlelaurie]

Thank you all for the welcome!

I'm looking forward to getting to know you better, and I hope we can gain strength from each other!

Laurie

[JenKitty]

Welcome Laurie!

I too feel "mostly healed", I still have things I have to deal with, and questions...but for the most part the flashbacks are gone, i don't get as many nightmares, and I enjoy a healthy sex life again! (With my husband of almost 4 yrs)

Now I have found that I feel like a survivor and I am ready to let go of the last thing I still have that came from my views during abuse. That would be my weight. I gained a lot of weight as an adolescent so that the opposite sex would not see me as attractive. So far I have lost 8lbs! Besides that, I have a strong urge to help others! I feel I need to help others to become survivors! I am proud to say I am a survivor, I want others to experience it as well!

So welcome, and I am glad you joined!

~Jen

[MidnightSunshine531]

welcome to AS

[traceyelizabeth]

Hi

Welcome to AS this is a great place and we welcome you with open arms .

Take care.

Love Tracey

[littlelaurie]

Thank you for the warm welcomes!

Jen--I sympathize with the weight gain. I have also struggled with my weight--I think extra weight makes me feel safer and more secure that abuse would not happen again. But I too am ready to lose the weight--you inspire me to work even harder! I have lost about 11 pounds so far, and I hope we can help motivate each other!

Laurie

Edited July 12, 2009 by littlelaurie

[whimsical1]

Hi Laurie, and welcome to AS.

[JenKitty]

Thank you for the warm welcomes!

Jen--I sympathize with the weight gain. I have also struggled with my weight--I think extra weight makes me feel safer and more secure that abuse would not happen again. But I too am ready to lose the weight--you inspire me to work even harder! I have lost about 11 pounds so far, and I hope we can help motivate each other!

Laurie

I also felt safe and secure when I gained weight. However now I no longer need to feel safe and secure in the same way, and I am kinda mad about my weight. Its a frustration for me now, and it needs to go! Its one of the last things that make me look in the mirror and feel like the vulnerable little girl I use to be! Its the last thing I need to rid from my life of that past. I am losing the weight, just not as fast as I would like.

I am happy for you, that you have lost 11lbs! Congrats...its not always easy, and you are doing it! Of course we can help to motivate each other, I would like that very much!