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riverbird

Mentor/small Group Support

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I think that this does naturally happen?

I know when I first joined there were certain people I felt I had more in common with - and I would look particually for their posts and reply to them and would go into chat if I saw them there - and they would do the same for me - so slowly we developed an on line friendship - as we learnt more about each other - trusted each other more etc

Perhaps there are already a few people here whom you feel you would like to have more of a freindship with? Perhaps you could contact them and say hi and see how it goes from there?

I am not a technical person so have no idea of how your idea would be able to be implemented here - but I am sure admin will see your post and let you know if it is feesable or not

best wishes

karen

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I think that this does naturally happen?

I know when I first joined there were certain people I felt I had more in common with - and I would look particually for their posts and reply to them and would go into chat if I saw them there - and they would do the same for me - so slowly we developed an on line friendship - as we learnt more about each other - trusted each other more etc

Perhaps there are already a few people here whom you feel you would like to have more of a freindship with? Perhaps you could contact them and say hi and see how it goes from there?

I am not a technical person so have no idea of how your idea would be able to be implemented here - but I am sure admin will see your post and let you know if it is feesable or not

best wishes

karen

I think this naturally happens in a bad way. Meaning that people who have been here for a while naturally notice each other's posts more often and people who are new and don't know anyone tend to skipped over. It's not that people are skipping them on purpose necessarily, but they have to feel like they're fighting to be heard. I guess I'm picturing newcomers being able to be paired with others and have a thread dedicated to them. A thread where they can post anything and know they'll be heard....know that at least a couple of other people will hear what they have to say and it won't just get passed over like posts tend to sometimes. I'm glad you were able to find people you clicked with here when you were new. I as well as many others have really struggled with that. Many are being pushed away and leaving because they don't feel they are finding that connection with anyone.

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Much as I think this sounds lovely in theory I think it would just isolate people as "little groups" would form and new people who are already feeling vulnerable and alone would feel like outsiders and it may appear quite intimidating.

I think msn/yahoo is great for this purpose as its removed from the board itself and is therefore does not appear to visably exclude,even if that is not the intention.

Lene x

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Sorry river you missunderstood me - I check out as many posts as I can - and reply to the newest member and the people I have known the longest - and if you think about it I was a new member here at one point and getting to know people too - it does take time to build up a circle of friends - which does not mean it ever needs to be clicky little groups - because I hate that - no should ever feel excluded or ignored

karen

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Sorry river you missunderstood me - I check out as many posts as I can - and reply to the newest member and the people I have known the longest - and if you think about it I was a new member here at one point and getting to know people too - it does take time to build up a circle of friends - which does not mean it ever needs to be clicky little groups - because I hate that - no should ever feel excluded or ignored

karen

Actually I think you misunderstood me, but I think I'm going to drop it here because it sounds like this is something that wouldn't work on this site.

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I think joining a new site is like being new anywhere. It takes a little time to feel comfortable and to find out who you want as friends, acquaintences etc and who you trust, agree with etc.

It does take time but there are many of us here who work really hard to make new members feel welcome and to post when we see someone has not got many responses. I can only repeat what I said previously which is the more you post the more people will get to know you and respond to you because they are beginning to know you as a person. It doesn't take long, I have been on the board for less than a year and feel comfortable, supported and happy here.

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Very well said, Maddy. I agree completely. :flowers:

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Maybe I should just delete this post and we can all pretend i never said anything. I get that it takes time to get to know people and that as you post more you get closer to people. I was merely suggesting another way of getting to know people that I thought might help some who are struggling. It was just an idea. I was not trying to give commentary on my own issues or ask for advice on how to make friends. I spoke in pm with people all day yesterday who were feeling slighted and I was looking in to ways to help them and myself feel more comfortable here. Clearly the "it just happens" method is not working for everyone. But please forget I said anything. You'll hear no more suggestions out of me!

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I don't want to step on toes here, but since you have continued to make this a public issue and you brought the mods into this by your beginning sentence, I feel I can add my two cents to this topic. To address your comments and concerns, I have reviewed your posts. I found you have started at least one topic by saying that people should not feel like they need to reply to your post, yet you are upset that your posts are not getting replies. Reality is that you have zero topics with no responses and very few with only one. Many of your posts have had between 2-5 responses and a couple have had quite a few, so I'm unsure as to what you are expecting from members here.

I have to disagree with the comment about people here being cliquey. Everyone starts new to the board and not knowing anyone. If they connect with someone, there has to be effort on their part. Nobody first joins the site as part of a clique. If you would like to connect with someone new you can just look through the posts in the welcome forum and reach out to that person(s). I think it is unfair to put your feelings of not belonging onto the rest of the board. You first joined AS in August 2007 and had 16 replies to your introduction post. Since you have been back, you haven't reintroduced yourself to the board via that forum. People may not realize that you are back and somewhat new again after being away for awile.

In response to your comments regarding the chat room, based on another of your posts on the board where you thanked people in the chat room for helping you make a decision to do something, it shows that you have received support and have had the chance to speak in there.

Placing new people together in small groups is the one thing that would promote cliques. Please make an effort to connect with people on your own rather than starting these posts. It's unfair to expect other members to do that for you.

By you beginning this topic, as well as another one, by saying you got in so much trouble froma mod for your last post does not promote an environment of support. You had been sent a pm by a mod regarding that topic. If you had any further comments regarding that, the correct way to do that would be via pm back to that mod or to another one. If you cannot approach a mod to discuss it, there really isn't any more that we can do to help you.

Edited by Kelly
edited to clarify my words

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I don't want to step on toes here, but since you have continued to make this a public issue and you brought the mods into this by your beginning sentence, I feel I can add my two cents to this topic. I have to disagree with the comment about people here being cliquey. Everyone starts new to the board and not knowing anyone. If they connect with someone, there has to be effort on their part. Nobody first joins the site as part of a clique. If you would like to connect with someone new you can just look through the posts in the welcome forum and reach out to that person(s). I think it is unfair to put your feelings of not belonging onto the rest of the board. You first joined AS in August 2007 and had 16 replies to your introduction post. Since you have been back, you haven't reintroduced yourself to the board via that forum. People may not realize that you are back and somewhat new again after being away for awile.

In response to your comments regarding the chat room, based on another of your posts on the board where you thanked people in the chat room for helping you make a decision to do something, it shows that you have received support and have had the chance to speak in there.

By you beginning this topic, as well as another one, by saying you got in so much trouble froma mod for your last post does not promote an environment of support. You had been sent a pm by a mod regarding that topic. If you had any further comments regarding that, the correct way to do that would be via pm back to that mod or to another one. If you cannot approach a mod to discuss it, there really isn't any more that we can do to help you.

Placing new people together in small groups is the one thing that would promote cliques. Please make an effort to connect with people on your own rather than starting these posts. It's unfair to expect other members to do that for you.

Wow...I really just don't even know how to reply to this. This was a genuine attempt to try to be helpful and try to offer solutions. I don't understand why this is being taken so badly. I really don't. I don't think small groups would promote cliques. I've been to many other sites where you get paired with a mentor or a mentor group that sort of helps you along in getting to know the site and getting to know people and it's really helped. I thought maybe it could help here too. I'm not asking others to connect with people for me and i'm not trying to bring up the old stuff again. I was trying to make ammends. I'm trying to offer something constructive so i'm really stumped here. I have pm'ed the mods who pm'ed me regarding the initial post. I didn't want to bring that up here. I didn't say anything about cliques on this post....

I guess I should just stop this and ask...please tell me how I can make ammends. I mean this very very seriously. I realize that what I did was wrong. I'm trying to do something constructive and am feeling very very misunderstood. So what do I do? Feel free to pm me if you don't want to discuss it here, but you make it sound like i'm trying to cause trouble when i'm trying to do something to help. :'(

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If you post in the Welcome forum so people can see that you are a member who is back after being away awhile, you will be welcomed by a member of the Newbie Support Team, something that has been put in place since you first joined. These members are people who can help you with any questions you may have and you can connect with them.

These team members are wonderful and do an awesome job making sure each post is replied to and that newbies are given a chance to connect with someone here. :flowers:

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If you post in the Welcome forum so people can see that you are a member who is back after being away awhile, you will be welcomed by a member of the Newbie Support Team, something that has been put in place since you first joined. These members are people who can help you with any questions you may have and you can connect with them.

These team members are wonderful and do an awesome job making sure each post is replied to and that newbies are given a chance to connect with someone here. :flowers:

Good to know. That's basically what I was suggesting with this post. I didn't realize it was already in place. Just some extra support to new ppl who need it...via a mentor. Sounds like the same thing. :) Can we delete this thread now please?

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