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Questions And Concerns

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:flowers: :flowers:

I want to offer a sincere public apology to Ashley-Michelle. I sent her a private one via PM which she graciously responded to at length.

The reason I chose to post this here is because in this thread I made mention of a bad experience with a mod. I feel it only right that I own my part in that and finish what I started.

I have had negative and unresolved feelings since last year. Part of it being a feeling of impotence and not knowing what was happening, anger at the rules and how they were presented to me. Every time someone was banned those feelings would rise again.

I really did start this thread to try to start a conversation but I was curious to see if she would post.

She did but it was not what I expected. When I read her post yesterday my overwhelming thought was I wish you would have explained it to me like this last year. Which got me thinking. Why didn't she? I stepped back for a moment and thought about how much stress she would have been under. It went on for days and that was after the members knew. How full her PM box no doubt was with I expect not nice messages especially in light of some of the examples given. I was ashamed to admit even to myself that I had gotten upset because my diplomatic but challenging PM's were met with an abrupt response.

I had been in turmoil but I was wrong not to consider Ashley-Michelle's feelings/situation. Both as a person and a mod. Wrong to not step back and consider what it was like to be wearing her shoes at the time. I never once gave her the benefit of the doubt. Never once tried to see her/their side of things. I wanted them to be wrong so I latched on to what I believed to be rude / arrogant behavior at the time. It wasn't, it was abrupt, but in hindsight that is understandable.

So I am sorry I always want people to walk a mile in my shoes before they judge me and yet I could not do the same. :duh:

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:


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Pam..I hope you don't mind but I'd just like to comment on your above post..

I think we all at times make flash judgements,often in the heat of the moment when we are upset about something and just can't understand why what has happened has done.More often than not we don't have all the info and in anger and hurt we lash out...you know the feeling,like a bomb going off inside yourself.

I think it happens especially when we as survivors are so full of anger,hurt and mistrust to start with..whether we realise it or not...so the "taking stock" part often gets skipped over!

I myself have lost count of the amount of times in my life that my mouth has run away with me and later having cooled,thought it through from both mine and the other persons perspective,wish I'd counted to at least 100 before speaking!

Pam..it takes courage to put your hand in the air and apologise for being hasty in your judgements. I hope this courage of yours rubs off on me!!!

Finally..I love where this thread started and the journey it has taken us all on..I think much has been gained for all of us...thank-you :up:

:hug: Lene x

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Well said, Lene.

Pam, it takes a lot of grace and poise to write what you did. And I appreciate you doing it--we are all guilty of forgetting to look at the other person's side of the story now and then. Ultimately, I hope that there can be some healing garnered from this thread, and that any members who are unsure of where our true motivations lie might now find themselves less in the dark.

Gentle hugs to everyone.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest lam_scot
I must be very thick! I had no idea this was all going on. I would never knowingly hurt anyone but I do sometimes suffer from 'foot in mouth' so would just like to say I'm sorry if I have ever upset anyone and would like to offer hugs to all who would like to accept them.


I`m with you on that one, bayler.

I know I have probably upset people on the boards in the past, but it has never been intentional. I do worry when I reply to posts that maybe I`ve not used the right words, or in the right context and I might`ve upset that person. I would hope, if I did that the person could PM me, aswell as a mod as I would do my best to clarify what I intended in the post and hopefully resolve the situation without the (from what I can tell, pretty over-worked) mods having to mediate , etc.

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Must confess I just jumped to the bottom of this thread to ask a question. Is there a way to find your own posts (beyond the latest 10 in the assistant)?

(Sometimes I want to find a previous post to reference it in a new one and not repeat myself.)

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Must confess I just jumped to the bottom of this thread to ask a question. Is there a way to find your own posts (beyond the latest 10 in the assistant)?

(Sometimes I want to find a previous post to reference it in a new one and not repeat myself.)

The easiest method I know of is from your profile page. On the right, there is a drop-down menu that reads "Profile Options". Click on it and select "Find member's posts." Thst should show you all of the threads in which you have posted.

Hope this helps,


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