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Questions And Concerns

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Anyway, I like the diversity that seems to be showing itself. The strengths of different people and different types, from the so very self-aware teens to the tough and wise older women to the nuns to the prostitutes to the multiples who are so very unique to the moms to the leather dykes to the researchers to the poets to the gay men and the straight guys and the secondaries. I hope it continues

I totally agree with this! Where else can you hang with so many different types of people!

Now does anyone know anything about JaquilynBart and if she is ok?

No, sorry I don't. Hopefully, she is just busy with school. I will keep a look out though. :unsure:

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Becky

Posts attacking members or anyone here are removed- this includes moderators. This rule is in place in order to provide a safe and respectful environment for everyone.

I thank you for clarifying that because the feeling seems to be becoming one of us vs them (mod's) and that is not something I felt in the beginning. When I joined here the mods were not someone to fear. They were people who were just like me but trusted to do a job. The feeling I had at least was that if I made a mistake someone would point it out to me gently. Not so much since last summer.

I have to wonder how you would really feel if moderators posted the real reasons behind a member being banned. I think it should be between that member and the moderating staff. Personally, if I were banned, I would not want that on public display. On the other hand, it is unfortunate that members can't see both sides of the situation in order to make a fair judgement call.

I have to admit I am having trouble with this because I don't know when I have been "unfair" So if this was not directed at me I apologize.

I am not looking for a blow by blow account but is it too much to ask where that line is you don't cross. :shrug: Of the 7 people I know of that got banned I never had trouble with any of them. Did they have trouble with each other? Trouble with staff did they post something inappropriate, offensive, ran out of chances to change their behavior? About all I can assume from 5/7 of those - post a vicious rant at a moderator and you get banned. :blink: Until today we weren't having these conversations.

I really don't like people thinking I am anti-mod, or that I believe their job is a fun or easy one. Like I stated somewhere earlier I don't believe there are winners in this.

.I wrote to the mod, and was met with honesty and openess, it was very easily talked through and my problem was resolved to my satisfaction. There was none of that - "my way or the highway" attitude.

I have had both experiences.

I also appreciate your honesty in discussing your feelings in this post.

I know I very much appreciate the opportunity. :flowers: :flowers:

Gentle hugs to all who want them :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

I'll take some thanks :flowers:

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I just wanted to add something just because a survivor doesn't trust you doesn't mean you are not trustworthy. I was not directing this at anyone specifically. I was trying to point out that if a survivor doesn't trust you it is not necessarily personal.

edited to expand on a point

Edited by fall

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To anyone who posted between my two posts I will get back to them. :hug: :hug: :hug:

atm I require medicine, a nap and prayer that this cold goes away

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Fall,

have to admit I am having trouble with this because I don't know when I have been "unfair" So if this was not directed at me I apologize

My comment was more of a general one directed at anyone who is questioning why a member was banned. It wasn't directed at you personally, more just me wondering what would be the most productive way of handling a situation like that.

I'm not accusing you of being unfair, not at all. Sorry. :blush:

I don't believe you are anti- mod. We are all just giving our opinions and sharing our experiences.

Thanks for your comment.

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I just wanted to add something just because a survivor doesn't trust you doesn't mean you are not trustworthy

:laugh3: I resembumble that remark

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Fall,

There have been a lot of very valid points brought up in this thread, I don't have much time this morning to reply but I did want to try to answer one of your questions. I know you are wondering where the line is drawn for being banned. I realize I am not a board mod but I can assure you that nobody is banned for just one incident. There will have been several problems with a person before they are banned.

If you follow the rules of As such as respect others, do not intentionally be mean to people, do not make posts saying how much you hate a member or a mod here do not go into chat and tell everyone you are going to go commit suicide right now and it is because of everyone in there . Then you have nothing to worry about. I know that you do NOT break any of those rules. Also from what I have seen, the mods bend over backwards to give you chance after chance because they hate to ban anyone. But there comes a time when a member will just keep breaking the rules, continue to hurt other people on this site, continue to be disrespectful to anyone and everyone. That's when it becomes time to let them go.

I know the mods seem to get a very bad rap here, but there is one thing I would like everyone to answer honestly.

let's say that I broke one of the rules, and you wrote to me to just say " Hey sad, this is just a reminder about the rules, I noticed today that you broke quite a few of them. Can you be more careful in the future?"

Then I get angry and go to the boards and post something like................

This place totally sucks, all the mods here are a bunch as*holes, I can't believe DD ( making up a mod name lol) had the nerve to ask me to follow the rules, I hate her, she should not be a mod here, come on everyone lets gang up against her! and so on......

How would that make all of you feel? I know for me it wouldn"t make me feel very good, and it would really make me question why I donate so much time here to be there for everyone and help keep this site a safe place.

I have seen a lot of members of this site write horrible posts about other members here not mods but other members, and I am so thankful that the mods are quick to remove those posts, because if the people who they were wrote about saw them, they would be devastated I am sure!

The one thing everyone should know, is that when we receive a complaint from a member about another member or a mod, then we get together and discuss the issue and talk about what should be done about it, we do not make quick decisions. So if someone is banned here you can be assured that the mods/admin of this board have probably spent many days discussing it and going over all the facts, they would have talked to the member and tried to work things out with them.

It is sad to me that you all feel like you have to be afraid of saying certain things or getting banned, because that really is not the case,

Fall, I know what you mean about how the chat room used to be, and I totally agree with you on the fact that you should be able to talk about a car accident if you want to and if others aren't up for it, then they should take care of themselves and step away for a bit. I know when someone says they don't like the topic and the majority of the room wants to talk about it, I just suggest to that member that maybe they could get a cup of coffee or take a break and come back in a bit.

This site will continue to grow every day, and I hope that we will all be able to find away to grow together and learn to respect each others differences in a grown up way.

I know I am kind of all over the place in my response, (for those of you who know me, this will not surprise you lol ) I just think there is so much to be said about all of this, yet my mind won't stay on track long enough for me to spit it all out without rambling.

Fall thank you for being open minded and taking in everything that is said even when it is not totally agreeing with what you are saying. I appreciate that :bighug:

If anyone has any questions about my rant, please feel free to ask :flowers:

:hug: :hug:

Sad

Edited by sadeyes22

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I must be very thick! I had no idea this was all going on. I would never knowingly hurt anyone but I do sometimes suffer from 'foot in mouth' so would just like to say I'm sorry if I have ever upset anyone and would like to offer hugs to all who would like to accept them.

Bayler

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The mods honestly they are just trying to do their job. There is no "criteria" set out to be a moderator of a message board. No job description, no application process, I think they do a pretty good job at running this place. I don't think this place is as "cliquey" as it used to be which is a good thing. We have many members now...

I think if you really don't like the way a board is run then maybe you should give some other places a try.. There are other boards that are just as active as here that are different in the way they run things. Not saying either or any are better then the other, they are just different. I sometimes think this place you can get away with saying more then at other boards. I think if this was posted at other survivor boards it would have been deleted by now.

Edited by bouncingoffclouds

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I don't want to make this a debate here, but I'm going to try to honestly answer some of your questions. I hope my thoughts come out right and are taken in the manner in which I intend them to.

The only time a member is banned immediately and without warning is when a new member signs up and immediately begins to spam the board and post highly triggering material just to get the board in an uproar. Fortunately this doesn't happen often and when it does, it is usually caught pretty quickly and dealt with. In order for a longer-standing member to be banned, there has to be a long line of occurrances that have happened. Banning is not done lightly. In fact, we do everything we can in order to not have this happen.

To demystify this, I want to explain that one moderator alone does not make the decision to ban someone. The problem is discussed amongst all of us. We try to resolve matters when we can. The majority of the time, this does happen. Unfortunately, when someone continues time after time to hurt others on the board, we may have to ban them in order to protect the members here. We do not believe in making the reasons for the ban public so as to protect not only the person(s) that have been hurt, but also to respect the privacy of the member who was banned. This is why we have the rule of not questioning a decision a mod has made. We will not share that information. Sometimes I know people can get upset over a ban of a friend, but there are always many sides to a story and we do look at all of them. We don't ban anyone just because they may upset us and be a bit difficult to deal with. That is where we take the personal part of us out of the situation in order to resolve things. Right before a member is banned, they have been given a final warning (after many other warnings), which often prompts them to start posting hurtful things on the board. Personally, I have gotten many nasty pm's filled with expletives from members just prior to their banning. I've also gotten nasty pm's from friends of those that have been banned, none of which I feel I have deserved. Usually this is because they don't have all of the information that we have regarding a situation and they feel their friend has been treated unfairly. Again, this is where we will not share the history of the situation with you. Our response is rarely accepted lightly, hence we may be seen as if we feel we are above everyone on the board or that we are taking out our own differences with the banned member by banning them. This is not the case.

I have heard some of you say that you are worried that if you say something that someone may not agree with, member or mod, that you will be banned. This is not the way things happen. If we have a problem with what you have posted, we will directly contact you. If I have a member mad at me because of a decision I have made, I have always (yes...I can say that with certainty) offered them the option to contact another mod/admin in order to settle the dispute. We do make mistakes from time to time and when that happens, we do offer our apologies. You will not see that part on the board either because people just don't post about that.

We remove all posts from the board in which someone (member or mod) is being hurt, or if the general supportive environment is disrupted. When a post is removed, we try to contact that person within a reasonable amount of time (i.e. as soon as we get a chance) and let them know why the post was removed. Sometimes all we need is clarification from the original poster and then we work with that person to get their thoughts back out there.

As others have said, I am a survivor as well and I do use this board to help me on my healing path. I have been a mod here for five+ years. I take my job seriously (as do we all) and have had to develop quite a thick skin over the years which actually helps me not to take things personally. I understand that people get angry and I also understand that I may not always be the popular person on the board, but I do what I can to keep things safe between all members.

I hope this helps clarify things. I tried to explain and address the questions and concerns that you have raised. It is important for everyone to keep in mind that emotions can, and do, run really high here. Those of you who are concerned over your friends and the treatment they may have received by the mods, are concerned because you have made a connection with that person. We all want and need to make those connections. It is why we are here. It is why the board was created. We all have been treated unfairly, which is why we are all here together. There is nothing wrong with standing up for your friends...we are often the best advocates for each other. I just want you to understand that we try to be honest and fair in the job we do as mods.

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Fall,

have to admit I am having trouble with this because I don't know when I have been "unfair" So if this was not directed at me I apologize

My comment was more of a general one directed at anyone who is questioning why a member was banned. It wasn't directed at you personally, more just me wondering what would be the most productive way of handling a situation like that.

I'm not accusing you of being unfair, not at all. Sorry. :blush:

I don't believe you are anti- mod. We are all just giving our opinions and sharing our experiences.

Thanks for your comment.

Thank you for that.

Edited by fall

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Karen, Lindy, Kelly, Sad, Becky

I want to thank you truly and sincerely for the time and effort you have put into your posts.

It has laid out very clearly what we can expect and that gives security. Something I have not really felt since last summer. I could never quite understand why some people got banned posting in support of someone else but I did not. I didn't have a copy of my post or anyone else's so there never seemed to be a way to figure it out. I was told to not question a mod. It left me feeling that perhaps I would get the mods in trouble who were trying to help me understand.

The way Kelly explained it here seems more gentle for lack of a better word and what I hear in that is there is no point to question a decision when no explanation can be given. The result is the same, no challenges but it sounds less aggressive. Tomatoe, tomato

Special thanks to those willing to keep this on the boards.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: and appreciation to those who posted I think it was done respectfully.

I am glad I was giving the opportunity to do this. I know it addressed my concerns and hopefully will leave others breathing a little easier as well

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Edited by fall

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I must be very thick! I had no idea this was all going on. I would never knowingly hurt anyone but I do sometimes suffer from 'foot in mouth' so would just like to say I'm sorry if I have ever upset anyone and would like to offer hugs to all who would like to accept them.

Bayler

:hug: :hug: :hug:

My first time in chat I made a mistake and used the word denial - someone made a response and slammed out. :blush: :blush:

We all do it

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I don't want to make this a debate here, but I'm going to try to honestly answer some of your questions. I hope my thoughts come out right and are taken in the manner in which I intend them to.

I think that you have given a very clear and helpful explanation. Thank you

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I think Kelly's post has pretty much covered everything but I just wanted to add my own points to this thread.

Firstly, I am saddened to read that members feel they cannot come to us with issues My pm box is always open if anyone has any concerns or issues. Whenever anyone has come to me with a problem, I have always tried my very best to resolve it as best as I can. I'm not saying we always get it right, because we don't. But that's why there are a number of moderators. We always consult with each other on matters, because sometimes it takes another persons opinion, to see things in a different light.

Our main aim as moderators is to keep the board running as smoothly as possible. With the huge amount of members here, it's not an easy job. Personalities will clash, disputes are inevitable. We try to resolve these as quietly as possible with as little disruption to the board as possible. That is why we prefer to do things privately. If we were to make all disputes public, posting about every problem member, the board would loose it's purpose, and that's to help us heal.

I have seen a handful of members banned since becoming a moderator. When you look at the number of members here, that is a really small percentage, and as Kelly pointed out, we really don't make decisions to ban lightly. If members feel the need to discuss this with us, then we are open to doing this privately. What we will not do is discuss our reasons for the ban or any details around it, but we are here to listen if you need to express your feelings around it. It's completely understandable that you would be upset if someone you have become friends with is suddenly banned. There are times when even we have been upset, but we have to put our feelings to the side and look at how this will affect the board as a whole, and that is how we come to the final decision. What members don't see are the nasty pm's we get about decisions we make. If we were to ban just because someone upset us, then we would be banning members daily. This is just not the case.

I would hate for any member to feel unsafe here. I would encourage anyone who feels that way to please contact us, and we will do our very best to help you. We are not "above" anyone here, we are the same as everyone else, survivors, just trying to to deal with our pasts and move on with our lives. We are just members here like everyone else, the only difference being we have a few extra duties :P

We are always open to suggestions, we are always looking at ways to make the board a better place. As it gets bigger, changes will happen, things that worked once, may not work anymore. I really mean it when I say we welcome your input. What really makes me sad is the "us and them" with mods and members that seems to be appearing. I hope our posts will help remove this and help everyone see that this is not how we wish to operate.

Lastly, I will just repeat what I said, my pm box is always open. Please feel free to contact me anytime. :hug:

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I don't post here often but I do read a lot. I think a big reason

people are scared of the moderators here is that so many of them never

post. They're not really part of the community at all. We're supposed

to trust their decisions but how can they really know what's going on,

and how should anyone trust them if they aren't really part of it? I I

know people are busy, but one of the administrators logs on like once

a month and hasn't posted in months. It seems like very few of the

administrators and moderators actually care enough to be part of this

place. Maybe there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff but we only see

rule related stuff most of the time. Of course people are scared of

the mods. They're like headmasters who drop in every now and then but

rarely have a conversation with you. And some chat mods and Newbie

Support people haven't logged on in over months. I've seen several

times where concerns aren't addressed for days. I know that people are

busy and a couple mods do a good job and are around alot (like Jessie

and Kelly). But some mods are never here and some always seem to be so

negative and rude in how they talk to everyone, like she's better than

everyone else. Maybe some of the staff are too busy for the job and

should quit so someone who is actually dedicated to being PART of this

instead of just OVERSEEING it can step in. I'm sure this will be

deleted. How dare anyone voice a problem with the powers that be."

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Very well said, Jessie.

I also think it's important to cool the "us versus them" mentality that is starting to brew in this post. While this discussion has largely remained respectful of each other, there are several things that need to be pointed out:

First of all, I'm with Jessie and Kelly that banning is not a decision made lightly. It often takes us three to four times longer to ban members than other Boards because we are so permissive. You all would be amazed at how many of our new members coming in have been banned from other Boards for things we don't really consider infractions here. Our rules, comparatively, are less Draconian and designed only to facilitate a safe environment, not a power trip. And as the newest moderator (though I've been doing this for almost three years now) I can tell you that when members who have been around for some time are banned, there's a sense of loss on our part too. We've had to ban people we didn't like and people we were quite fond of because they did not want to abide by our rules. And it always hurts that we get blamed for them being banned--rarely do grieving members consider that they left us no other choice because they refused to quit cutting down members in chat, or bullying more vulnerable members in posts, or lying about phantom medical procedures that could not have happened. We get angry as well--that the member took advantage of others and compromised the sanctuary of AS.

If several members have noticed a shift in the paradigm, I can assure you part of it is a veiled frustration on our end, especially when longtime members are the ones constantly upsetting the routine because they've been here long enough to know better, and for some reason, don't. As Kelly articulated, we never make any rules lightly. We do discuss them for several days, much like discussing a business charter, making sure each word is carefully selected and not ambiguous. We want to be clear because the more precisely we communicate, the more we can protect you all. Rest assured, in our view, you all come first. We never make any decision that we don't ultimately believe to be in your best interest.

When someone breaks those rules, it can be extremly upsetting. Often, we're alerted to rule-breaking by other members who are hurt by the offending post, thread, conduct, etc. We remove the post and try as often as possible to send messages to the member about the rule breaking. Usually, members don't realize they've done it, they apologize, and life goes on. And yet other times, and more often in recent months, the members did what they did knowing full well it was not in compliance with the rules, and the alerting Moderator is hit with a flurry of hate mail for nothing else but the misfortune of reacting to the situation quickly. And invariably, the frequent rulebreaking begins, complete with sudden accusations (public and private) against the Moderator. The worst is when we're compared to members' abusers--we have our own stories to juggle, and from my perspective, I cannot imagine a more inaccurate, offensive or hurtful thing to say to or about another survivor actively working on their healing journey. It invalidates what we have all undergone.

It's no secret that in a melting pot such as AS, not everybody will get along. We Mods don't always agree with each other and there are a few times decisions have been made with one or two dissenting. But just as we cannot afford to play favorites in the ajudication of our decision-making, we can likewise not allow our personal feelings to threaten the overall execution of the Board. Like I said, several of our friends had to be banned--not because they didn't like us, or our decisions, but because they threatened the safety of AS. Your sense of well-being trumps our personal wants every time. And even if you don't always see it, I assure you, your best interest is always paramount to our decision-making.

This is also why we don't allow the decision-making process to be questioned. The confidence in our ability to make the right decisions is critical to other members following the rules. If members feel our decisions are improperly made or able to voice their disagreement with it, it will leave room for dissent to settle in, hurting more members. We cannot stress enough how these rules are in place for the safety of AS and by proxy, you all. Any compromise of that regulation is about as counterproductive to AS as it really gets. If we were to allow that breach, the way I feel is that we are failing you all by not providing an adequate safe space. This is why we all, despite our families and careers, schools and outside activities, still spend as much time as possible here, reading PMs, checking threads, moderating chats. This goes for all staffers, and not just Mods.

More interestingly, at least in regards to following the rules: it's important to note that whatever dissatisfaction members ultimately have with our guidelines is something of a red herring. When members sign up to become a part of the AS community, they do so with the understanding that they signed a Terms-of-Service agreement. Well-established in the black and white jargon is the implicit agreement of following our rules. And when people don't want to do that, they're breaking a contract, but something much more important: a covenant with the AS community to be safe and respectful.

However, this thread has been very thought-provoking and, as a result, we are talking amongst ourselves about a way for feedback to be left in a way that doesn't leave members feeling afraid as also encouraging them to help us make AS a stronger environment to facilitate healing.

Rest assured, our PM boxes are always open to you all. We are in this position because we care--there is no gift greater than giving back to a community that has already rewarded us all with so much. :flowers:

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Hi Cathie, I am NOT attcking your post for it is part of this thread and everyones opinion and viewpoint is welcomed and necessary.I guess I just wanted to make my own points with regards to some of what you have said..

I don't post here often but I do read a lot. I think a big reason

people are scared of the moderators here is that so many of them never

post. They're not really part of the community at all. We're supposed

to trust their decisions but how can they really know what's going on,

and how should anyone trust them if they aren't really part of it? I I

know people are busy, but one of the administrators logs on like once

a month and hasn't posted in months. It seems like very few of the

administrators and moderators actually care enough to be part of this

place.

* As far as I'm aware the mods/admin take the time to carefully browse through threads so that they can check that rules have not been broken and hurtful things said etc.This is their job and it's a time consuming one.I think the very fact that they take the time to do this shows how much they do care for this community and it's members.

Maybe there's a lot of behind the scenes stuff but we only see

rule related stuff most of the time. Of course people are scared of

the mods. They're like headmasters who drop in every now and then but

rarely have a conversation with you. And some chat mods and Newbie

Support people haven't logged on in over months.

* Just like you and I the mods,admin,chat mods and newbie support team have a life outwith the internet.They,just like you,I and everyone else are also survivors and dealing with their own trauma and aftermath..still taking time out as often as possible to take care of people here.I am an ex chat mod..several times during this period I disappeared off the radar for a while,I needed a break and time to deal with things in my life.Not once was I pulled up on this..perhaps I should've been..but bottom line I wasn't.I needed to take time out and this was understood and supported without question.Perhaps those who seem to be missing at times are doing just that.Even a loss of internet connection could account for their absence.

I've seen several

times where concerns aren't addressed for days. I know that people are

busy and a couple mods do a good job and are around alot (like Jessie

and Kelly). But some mods are never here and some always seem to be so

negative and rude in how they talk to everyone, like she's better than

everyone else. Maybe some of the staff are too busy for the job and

should quit so someone who is actually dedicated to being PART of this

instead of just OVERSEEING it can step in.

* Believe me problems are addressed as soon as possible.

I think it's a bit unfair to single out anyone whether it is positively or not.

How dare anyone voice a problem with the powers that be."

* Rather alot of this thread has been about just that...but has been kept discusional and daggers have not been thrown...lets hope it can continue that way.

Lene x

edit- How on earth did I get half my reply within the quote??????? I've been here 4 yrs and still can't get it right!!!! My answers have a * next to them if that helps even remotely!!!! Sorry!!!! :P

edit no.2...admin have fixed my stupidity...IMMEDIATELY!!!!!!

Edited by Lene

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The worst is when we're compared to members' abusers--we have our own stories to juggle, and from my perspective, I cannot imagine a more inaccurate, offensive or hurtful thing to say to or about another survivor actively working on their healing journey. It invalidates what we have all undergone.

that is absolutely horrible im really sorry that anyone said that to anyone here. :hug: especially sense i know that you(mods) are trying to keep this community safe and healing for all members here...

Like I said, several of our friends had to be banned--not because they didn't like us, or our decisions, but because they threatened the safety of AS.

um...i hope i dont get banned for saying this but i dont think thats always true. i think that most of the time youre right, people get banned when theres a safety issue but...there are some members that ive seen banned, that were *not* safety issues. one of those members, i know in real life and she is NOT dangerous and honestly it really upset me to read this. i think thats why some members are getting the whole "us and them" thing going on. again, i dont think this is always the case its just something ive noticed that might be contributing to this problem. i havent been here for very long but ive talked to a lot of members that have been here awhile that are still here and some that are not here. it seems to be a general thought that some things have changed here...and not for the better.

to me, it looks like some members get banned purely because they lost their temper or something like that. im not saying that posting a bunch of hateful messages is ok(its not)...im just saying that being banned *permanently* for getting angry seems a bit too harsh to me(especially sense some of these "banned" members have been members for a long time and SO supportive and never a serious problem 99% of the time). and honestly that does make me scared of contacting a mod about any concern i have bc i feel like ill be banned because honestly i dont agree with alot of the rules here and stuff, but im scared to disagree or ask a mod to explain why the rule is there. i know that all the rules are here for everyones best interest but i think that i should be allowed to air problems without being scared of getting kicked off...

another thing, while i see that there arent that many banned members here...compared to other groups ive been on...this site has the most banned members that ive ever seen. its sad. some of the banned ones i know, and some i do not know...but it all around makes me so sad to see members go...especially in such a negative way.

i think that if everyone here can somehow work to lessen the "us and them" thing that truly good people would not lose their temper and get banned because they felt like they couldnt go to a mod before their feelings got out of hand. i dont know if im making sense but i realy want this fear to stop. i dont post that much but i lurk alot and i see alot of this fear of the mods and that is not fair to the mods or the regular members.

i think the mods are good people and i think that most of the banned members here are good people too! :( isnt there some way to make this better somehow? there has to be.

thank you to the mods who have posted in this thread, its helped me feel alittle better.... :flowers:

again hope this is ok to post im sorry if i said something wrong. :(

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Unfortunately, when members break the rules established to protect them, when they lie and take advantage of others--that is most certainly a safety issue, and we take the implied threats against members' emotional well beings as seriously as anything else. This goes back to how we do not make rules lightly and take it very seriously when they are broken.

We will never ban a member for losing their temper. We will, however, step in with the utmost action when the safety of the Board is compromised. I think it needs to be said again: nobody is ever banned from AS over just one infraction. Let's clear that up right now. Every member who has been banned for breaking the rules has received multiple warnings, including the final warning. Ultimately, if they were banned, it's not because they asked us for clarification (which is radically different than questioning a Mod decision). It's not because they told us the rules didn't make sense. It's because they continued to break the rules, effectively shooting the entire community as a whole the bird. It's their way of saying the community doesn't matter and the rules which make AS a safe environment aren't worth following.

As Mods, when that happens, we do dismiss them because we deny the premise. We believe you matter and you deserve to be safe. And those who have been banned, in one way or another, don't.

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What really makes me sad is the "us and them" with mods and members that seems to be appearing. I hope our posts will help remove this and help everyone see that this is not how we wish to operate.

I hope so too because that was not the atmosphere when I started here.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

I appreciate that you (all the workers) have been willing to post. I sincerely hope no one got any negative PM's as a result of this thread. I received a nasty PM about a mod once- :ohmy: I could not understand where all the venom was coming from. Not that anyone deserves it but this person really not. I guess when a volcano erupts it doesn't really care what it destroys. :(

I appreciate receiving a couple of examples of what has happened. It helps get a perspective.

I also appreciate the reassuring words that I didn't behave like that. :) :)

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Lene

Thank you for responding to Cathie's post.

Cathie

I think this thread is evidence of that fact that we can question. If it is done respectfully and impartially.

For the first little while this thread was on the boards lots of views but no responses. I did receive PM's which I was grateful for but it also frustrated me because I wanted the conversation in the open. As I have read the posts I have come to realize that perhaps the mod's were as hesitant as I was. That from experience they know that they can say or do something with the best of intentions and still get attacked for it.

I want to say that the other day between this thread and my PM's (which normally I have next to none) it took hrs. I know I am not feeling well and that played a part in it. But it was what I considered sensitive stuff and it made my brain tired analyzing everything I said and I still made a :duh:

Something else that I have to consciously remind myself of is the time zones.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Edited by fall

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I don't think you will get banned. I say that assuming you haven't been in trouble before.

:hug: :hug:

I mean no disrespect to you but I don't think we can (should) say someone is or is not a safety issue. It is a challenging statement and I was hoping to avoid those.

I can relate to your not being able to understand why they see your friend as a safety issue. Personally I have trouble with the word "safety" but I can't come up with a better one. But the rules are in place and they are universal and we have to accept that they see something we don't. I have remained in contact with two people who were banned. I recently saw a side to one that I have not seen before and to be honest would not want that spiteful attitude back on the boards. I am a friend so I have never been the recipient but I pity anyone who has been.

I know it has looked like they got banned because they lost there temper, which is why I started the thread in the first place, but the mod's have been VERY clear that that is not the case.

Perhaps if you have a specific rule you have trouble with you could post it here.

I don't think this is about good people and bad people we are all people.

Our friends have made private choices with very public consequences. :hug: :hug: :hug:

Edited by fall

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*sings* Koom by yah, my Lord, Koom By Yah, oh Lord, Koom By yah.* LOL (trying to break the tension here) lol

I am so glad to see some regular Mods post(not to belittle the chat mods at all) it really helped to hear some explanations and examples, specially about 'questioning authority' I do feel much better. I also hope that my comment about some thinking they are 'above' others wasn't taken personally because I have no issues or contact of any kind (that I can think of anyway) with ANY mod.

One point that was made that I thought was right on, was the statement about mods never (yes, I use absolutes a lot) participating in regular stuff on the board. Not that it is or should be necessary, but it does seem to impact our views I think. I know a few of the chat mods post pretty regularly, but I don't hear much from anyone else.

Like fall said. I think this thread is proof that it IS ok to question the board and the mods.

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*sings* Koom by yah, my Lord, Koom By Yah, oh Lord, Koom By yah.* LOL (trying to break the tension here) lol

I am so glad to see some regular Mods post(not to belittle the chat mods at all) it really helped to hear some explanations and examples, specially about 'questioning authority' I do feel much better. I also hope that my comment about some thinking they are 'above' others wasn't taken personally because I have no issues or contact of any kind (that I can think of anyway) with ANY mod.

One point that was made that I thought was right on, was the statement about mods never (yes, I use absolutes a lot) participating in regular stuff on the board. Not that it is or should be necessary, but it does seem to impact our views I think. I know a few of the chat mods post pretty regularly, but I don't hear much from anyone else.

Like fall said. I think this thread is proof that it IS ok to question the board and the mods.

Thanks azazo I never thought of singing to break the tension :flowers:

The way I sound right now it would be comic relief.

:hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

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i dont know if this is possible right now...but maybe something that would help would be to have more mods? it seems like...there are SO many of us(members) and it must be pretty overwhelming sometimes to have to deal with so much stuff from the boards every single day...i think that just one or two more board mods can *really* make a difference.

if thats not possible that's ok...it was just a thought i had. :flowers:

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