Hello!

[Izzy82]

Hi there,

I am new here. I have to admit I feel a little out of place. I have posted my story in the share your story section. I find that I have been obsessed with finding out if anything happened to me when I was little. Sometimes I almost think I can remember something, or if I try to remember other things and I think something might have validity I'm completely terrified of remembering something awful and that it might be true, and I just shut it off and ignore it again.

I just wanted to say hello mostly, but also wanted to ask one more question and was uncertain where to post it. Is it possible when you are little to have something happen to you and then immediately block it out and be ignorant to it?

Something I realized that feels weird to me too, is that the unsettling moments I remember myself being uncomfortable with something happening but with no "perpetrator," and I also remember bodies but never faces or identities.

I also feel like I had "crushes" when I was little on adult males and wonder if I was abused, if I felt a connection to the abuser, and if that's normal. I worry that it could have been my neighbor but I remember being very fond of him, like he was my best friend, and I wonder if he might have said or did things to make me feel special despite the abuse.

I feel so silly for being here. I feel like if I tell my friends or my boyfriend about this they won't believe me and think I'm overreacting or being selfish. A while ago, I didn't want to focus on any of this, and definitely denied the possibilty, but now I feel older and that I need to be tackling issues that may have caused negative manifestations in my personality.

I don't know anything about the effects of abuse like this. I'm wondering if the blocking out and not remembering, or the fact that I don't remember identities is common.

Thank you. You are all so supportive of eachother here it's really great.

[Teardrop1986]

Welcome,

You are not silly for feeling the way you do.

You are safe here, no judgments made.

xxx

[revolution08]

[prezioso]

Welcome to AS!

[sunshinee]

Hey Izzy!

Welcome to AS!! I hope you find all the support you are looking for!

[hurt09]

im new to this too!

[John]

Hey Izzy,

In regards to your question, it's very possible to have what we call Repressed Memories in regards to child abuse and it's a way in which the brain will coap with the hurt you've experienced as a way to ensure you survive what you've been through, so yes what you're experiencing has alot of validatity and is certainly possible.

I just wanted to say Hi, and welcome you to AfterSilence - there are alot of people here who will be able to relate to the abuse and feelings you've have and still are experiencing as an aftermath of the abuse, and there is alot of support here for all survivors - I hope you can find the support you're looking for here at AS - remember we're here to help

John

[kimbees324]

Izzy,

I am really sorry for the things that led you here but I am glad that you found your way to AS. Take your time and look around; I am sure that you will be feeling comfortable and at home in no time. There are a lot of great people here who will offer you the support and encouragement you are looking for and deserve. I look forward to seeing you around the board. Take good care of yourself.

[stephLL]

Hello and welcome

[aperson]

Welcome to AS

[whimsical1]

Izzy, and welcome to AS!

[MidnightSunshine531]

welcome to AS

[silenced42long]

Hi and Welcome to AS!!

[Hellion]

Izzy, I can relate to the "crushes" scenario you pointed out. It took me years to realize I was being raped because my rapist did things for me that made me feel special to cover up the fact that he was hurting me at the same time. Everything you are feeling is "normal" and I'm sure several other people on here can relate. Welcome and I hope you find the support you need from others.

[Survivors sanctuary]

Welcome to the board ...