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MsRuby

Ms Ruby Says Hello

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Hello.

I have been to the dancing in the darkness website a couple of times periodically...I finally made my way to the message boards.

I am nineteen, in college, living with my parents because I don't own a money tree. I love animals, reading, music, writing. I write a lot of poetry, and I journal a lot...blogging is my new addiction actually.

I have always remembered that my grandfather and several other people sexually abused me from the time I was about 5 until I was around about 13 (a few years periodically nothing would happen...then...bam)...I was very shocked when I found out that the abuse actually began when I was 2...at least to the best of this other persons knowledge...I don't rightly know what to think about them "Knowing" and not doing anything for a two year old...but that's another story for another day. Like I said I've always known things happened...but I was great at ignoring it...not necessarily forgetting...just ignoring...I sure as heck wish I could do that now.

I was silent about it from the time it all began until I was about 17 when I finally said something to an older, trusted friend...through encouragment by her and an online support system I decided to give counseling a try. I did that for a couple of months before I quit...I went recently to the same counselor...and if need be I can go again...but I think perhaps I just needed to know the person REALLY was still there and I hadn't "lost" anyone so to speak...

Now I am trying to balance school, work, church and the many other life related obsticals and opportunities...let me just say...I suck at "balancing" anything...I've discovered that much to say the least.

I am currently very stressed out...feeling very much like I can not get help...and even if I could what is the point because I currently have not a lick of free time...as a matter of fact I really don't have the time to be registering for this site and writing this post because I should be doing the mountain high pile of homework I have sitting on my laundry basket outside my bedroom door...but am I doing it...No...why...because... i am stressed...and really want nothing more than to take the books and cram them each one down the correct professors throat...even the professors I do like...Ms Ruby on Stress...it just ain't a pretty picture...instead I sit in my room...a tied up ball of knots...mangled and wraping itself around my kneck waiting for the perfect moment to squeeze tight and choke the last bit of sanity I "think" I might still have hold on...HAHA...I think anyway...whatever...

Well...My coca cola is getting hot and flat...and I have a ton of laundry and homework to do tomorrow because as we can all see I'm getting absolutely nothing done at this time and now I am exhausted and want nothing more than to go crawl underneath my covers on my bed and curl up hugging my puppy (he's my special puppy...I got him in a walmart parking lot for free back in May of last year...when I was having probably one of the most difficult times of my life related to this crap...I love him very much...and sometimes I think he's the only one I can really trust to "love" me back and really mean it for an unselfish or unhurtful matter)...whatever...once again...coca cola getting hot and flat...eye lids also shutting...thank you very much for the space to write and introduce myself...I am sorry I was just so "bla bla bla" here...I don't guess I said anything :hmm: ...and if I did say something and I wasn't suppose to :duh: then I am really sorry.

:hammer: oooooooh i like this smiley face thing...yes...anger managment! :blush:

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Hi and welcome! :hug: I know how difficult it can be trying to balance everything. (Trust me, I almost failed out of college trying to go to school, work, counseling, and have some semblance of a life.) Counseling is so improtant though!! It's something you gotta make time for, b/c it's about you and your healing, and it's time especially for you to just breathe and work on whatever you need to... Life is so much more rewarding when you can truly enjoy it after healing from your past. There will come struggles, all through life, but if you have a good solid base to stand on, you will be just fine! As for the someone knowing and not doing anything, I had an aunt who thought I was being abused, but she had been abused herself and was unable to stand up for me b/c she was too wounded. I don't know why some people don't talk, but I am sorry you had to suffer because of it. Glad you are here and looking forward to getting to know you! :greet:

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biq squishy welcome hugs :hug: :hug: :hug:

hope being here helps on your healing journey

~charlene~

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HiFieryFaerie, Thank you for the big squishy welcome hugs :) safe hugs always make things seem a bit better.

Lilea I really appreciate all you had to say. I do realize how important counseling is...I guess maybe I'm still making excuses as to how I can stay away from it...when I quit it was because of how deep into stuff I was getting...I felt like I was drowning and I didn't know what to do...I'm sorry for what happened to you and your aunt, I dont know why this person didn't tell...it was my grandmother, and she's always been a forcefurl person when it came to my grandf. she had no problem coming near strangling him when he exposed himself to my little boy cousin in front of everyone...but things he did to me in secret...well...I just don't know...

I really appreciate the warm welcome from the both of you...I hope I will be able to stick around this place...It seems like a very nice "family"...

MsRuby

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Welcome to AS :hug: :hug:

I agree that you should go to counseling, but then I sound like a hypocrite cause I've never went :blush: But yeah... just wanted to say, Welcome!

:wub: Alyssa :wub:

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Hi Alyssa,

I have an irl friend who's name is alyssa, I think it is such a pretty name. I also love the song you use for your sig. It is one of my favorites. Don't worry about being a "hypocrite"...it is always easier to offer good advice to others than it is to ourself...it is just tough to swallow personally...I'm glad to meet you...

MsRuby

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((((((Hugs))))))))))

Welcome to After Silence sweetie.

Post or read away and know that we are here for you always.

:hug: :hug:

Donna =)

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Thank you Donna, It seems that everyone here is so nice...I'm just doing a little bit of reading right now, and find that all the responses are so caring and compassionate...thank you for the welcome.

MsRuby

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:hug: Welcome to AS hun,

Hope you find this a helpful place, as I have.....

tons of hugs....

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

Linz

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Guest hurtingforever

Hiya Sweetie,

Welcome to After Silence hon :dance: . I hope it is a place where you can find comfort as I have. I can't wait to get to know you better.

I am glad you found us.

:hug::hug::hug::hug:

Lindsay D

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Hello! :hug:

Welcome, I can definitely relate to trying to balance life between healing and the 'real world' or whatever. It's definitely stressful and I hope you're taking some time to really pamper yourself. It's important to remember that you're worth it and that everyone needs at least a bit of downtime.

I hope this place can be a safe place where you can reach out and get the support you deserve, a place to let out negative emotions and vent some of your frustrations. You deserve to have that release.

Take care hon, you've made it through a lot, you are a very strong person. I admire that a lot. :hug:

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Hi Mariposa, thank you for the welcome and the hugs.

Alysure I hope this can be a nice safe place too...it seems like others have found it to be so. Thank you for your response.

Hurtingforever, you seem so nice, thanks for the warm welcome...can't wait to get to know others on the board too.

1dark_angel4 thank you for your welcome too...

It is so nice here.

MsRuby

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Ruby-

You sound so strong and determined in your post and I think it's amazing. I'm glad you found it here, because it really has helped me so much with everything. So, welcome, I guess is all I really have to say. You can IM me whenever, because I'm usually around. :hug:

~*Tori*~

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wow! me? determined? thanks I guess I needed to hear that actually...thanks for the welcome too...I am glad being here has helped you...I am really liking it here the more i read and explore.

MsRuby

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I am a bit late in welcoming you to AS but I hope that being a part of the wonderful place can help you in your healing journey .. :hug:

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Thank you so much IHaveMadeIt...I appreciate the welcome...and its always better late than never :) thank you very much...

Thank you Ruthie...I chose it because I was lacking in user name creativity for a minutes...so just chose to use my birthstone...which is a Ruby...and it said that that name had already been used, so I added a Ms in front of it just cause it sounded good together... Thank you for your welcome, I am so glad to be here...well, I wish none of us had a reason to be here....but since the reason is out there, I am glad there is a place for us to be and feel safe...

Take Care

MsRuby

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...so just chose to use my birthstone...which is a Ruby...

yea!....ruby is mine to......uhhh yea sry just wanted to share that.... :blush: .....

Linz

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lol thanks for sharing linz...I am silly...I just bought a planner with all the birthstones for each month...like thats the design of it...i think it is cool, and it tells little facts about each birthstone in history...will have to share it some time :)

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oooh kool.....yea sometime.... :)

Linz

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