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Sort Of New...


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I posted a message a while back - not even sure how long ago :blush: ... I got some very, very kind responses. And for some reason that scared the "bleep" out of me. I don't know why... So, I am trying again. Hence the topic "Sort of New".

My rape was 25 years ago. Yet today, I feel like it was only last week. My life has been under a lot of stress in the past 6 years, but ESPECIALLY the last 6 months. After being ill for a long time, I was finally diagnosed with Lupus complicated by Fibromyalgia and Sjorgens (sp?)Syndrom. YAY! Let's add that to the PTSD from the rape and I am in heaven, right?

On a side note - the rheumatoligist told me that there has been recent medical data to show a corralation between persons who have survived a sexual assault/rape & Fibro and Lupus!! The trauma is such a shock to the nervous system that it upsets your immune system. So, my rapist left me with more than memories??

Lately the nightmares are every night and the flashbacks at least once or twice a day. I recently went to the ER for a severe anxiety attack!! What is wrong with me??? Why should something that happened 25 years ago, haunt me now??? Can any of you undertsand or have you had similar experiances???

I hope this message does not upset anyone. I don't want to to be a bother...


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Welcome back! I'm new too, so I can't tell you much about the site, but I completely understand your feelings. To answer your question, nothing is wrong with you. Nothing at all. It's completely normal - and you are amazingly strong, and such an inspiration. I also have something wrong with my heart, and I can completely relate to how it puts on even more pressure. Keep battling through! If you need to talk, just PM me.

All my love and best wishes.

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My name is Lynn, and I am a member of the New Member Support Team. I just wanted to take the time to say welcome back to After Silence. I can very much identify with your story and what has resulted physically because of it. I struggle everyday with the chronic pain of fibromyalgia though my rheumatologist told me she would have to see me at least 4-5 times before officially diagnosing me with it. Facing anxiety has been a challenge too. Counseling has helped significantly with this though. It is difficult living with the fact that much of what now complicates life has its roots in the past.

I hope that you find comfort and support here. I know that I have found the strength to face another day many times through the words and presence of those dear ones who make this site a true "community." I am glad that you have joined with us and look forward to getting to know you. If you need anything or have questions about the boards or how something works, please send me a personal message. I will gladly help in any way possible...also if you need someone to listen, let me know.

Take care,

Your Sister in Survival,


Edited by sisterinsurvival
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Hi! I am personally VERY familiar with what seems like ancient history having a direct and real-time impact. I was raped about 25 years ago too and a series of events about a year ago activiated some very real and very new ptsd type responses including the anxiety. I had lived all these years convinced I was 'fine', not impacted by the rape...I like to pretend I am bullet proof. Nice fantasy. It doesn't matter how long ago you were assaulted...it is no less real now than then, especially if you are just beginning to look at it head on. We all come it this place in our own time and in our own way when it feels safe....

Our bodies carry the memories that our minds need to protect us from (does that make any sense?) and my deepest wish for you is that as you begin to take back that piece of you your perpetrator stole from you, you will find relief in your body and freedom for you life.

I get it.

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:wave: Dannyel, and an official welcome to AS!


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