I Am New Here

[sharlap]

Hello- I am new here, I found this site while looking for some help. I am looking for books, articles or websites which would help with triggered anger which stems from sexual abuse by my biological father. I rarely get angry now, but on occasion my fiance and I will get into an argument, or any other family member and if it gets heated enough I lose control and if they get near me I get physical. I need to be able to recognize the signs that I am reaching that point before I get there and learn how to handle myself in those situations. Can anyone here recommend anything?

Thank you

[dodo]

Hi and welcome to AS

I don;t really have any recommendations - but the courage to heal often has soom good advice in it on all sorts of topics - and there is a section for partners too

karen

[whimsical1]

Sharlap, and welcome to AS! Patience, understanding, time, and expressing yourself here and with other understanding people will help you to get over that anger. Exercise is a great way to release negative feelings, also. Repeating the quote below the emoticons may also help release any negative thoughts you may have about yourself and others.

[Capulet]

Hi Sharlap,

Welcome to AS - I hope you find exactly what you are looking for. Even if there are no articles to peruse here that pertain to what you're actively seeking, I am sure you will find that here, there is an abundance of peers who have an understanding of what you are going through and can also relate. This is a great site and I can safely say that the members here inspire me in many ways.

If you have any questions about anything, or even about our chat room, feel free to drop a line - I'll be more than happy to track down the answer.

Best wishes.

Capulet

[aperson]

Welcome to AS!!!

[Smurphgirl]

When I was a little girl I had what everyone Called "an explosive temper". I would get so angry I would punch holes into the walls, break dishes or throw things at people. It seemed I would be getting angry at one things but in reality it always something about my father or my family's denial. My rage frightened people and made it hard for me to make or maintain friendships.

It took me a long time to realize why I was getting so angry and what it was that was triggering the anger. The fact that you are aware that there a triggers to your anger is a really big step! For me I found that dealing with my temper was a two way street. I had to know that I had a temper, I had to figure out what the triggers were and just as important the people around me had to be aware that I had this problem and do their part to not push my buttons.

This is not aways possible. For this to work the people around you need to understand your problem and care enough to want to paraticipate in helping you. If you can talk with your family and think they would be willing to help, great. If you cannot talk to your family and know approaching them about this would do no good then you have to make some choices.

You must try to surround yourself with people who care. And avoid those that know your triggers points and intentionally push them.

I'm sure this sounds over simplified and maybe even a little too generalized but it is true. I was finally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and one of the symptoms is "out of control rage". I am not suggesting that this is what you have but there are several good books out there, especially one called "I hate you, Please don't leave" that offer some goods ideas on how to deal with the anger abuse survivors all too often have to deal with.

I wish you all the best and hope you check out the book.

Thinking of you.

Smurphgirl

[sharlap]

Thank you so much Smurphgirl, you have helped, thank you for the book recommendations. My explosions don't happen often and probably because I'm so afraid of them I don't allow myself to get angry. I have become very, very passive. So again thank you very much!

Sincerely-

Sharla

When I was a little girl I had what everyone Called "an explosive temper". I would get so angry I would punch holes into the walls, break dishes or throw things at people. It seemed I would be getting angry at one things but in reality it always something about my father or my family's denial. My rage frightened people and made it hard for me to make or maintain friendships.

It took me a long time to realize why I was getting so angry and what it was that was triggering the anger. The fact that you are aware that there a triggers to your anger is a really big step! For me I found that dealing with my temper was a two way street. I had to know that I had a temper, I had to figure out what the triggers were and just as important the people around me had to be aware that I had this problem and do their part to not push my buttons.

This is not aways possible. For this to work the people around you need to understand your problem and care enough to want to paraticipate in helping you. If you can talk with your family and think they would be willing to help, great. If you cannot talk to your family and know approaching them about this would do no good then you have to make some choices.

You must try to surround yourself with people who care. And avoid those that know your triggers points and intentionally push them.

I'm sure this sounds over simplified and maybe even a little too generalized but it is true. I was finally diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and one of the symptoms is "out of control rage". I am not suggesting that this is what you have but there are several good books out there, especially one called "I hate you, Please don't leave" that offer some goods ideas on how to deal with the anger abuse survivors all too often have to deal with.

I wish you all the best and hope you check out the book.

Thinking of you.

Smurphgirl

[giselleflores]

Hi I'm Giselle.

[victoriaplaceo]

Hello

I highly recommend this for everything including anger. It helped me tremendously, although still in the healing process. Although, the page is directed at other areas of life, it teaches you how to get what you want. And anger control is what you want

Afformations Ebook

[lacrymosa]

Hi Sharla,

I'm glad you've joined After Silence. I think a lot of survivors can relate to the issues of anger you've described. I hope the books that were recommended are helpful to you. I also can relate to passivity. Being triggered by confrontation, or the perception of your control being threatened are extremely common in survivors. You're not alone.

If you have any questions, or just need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. I look forward to seeing you around the site.

[aingeal04]

Welcome, Im glad you joined us here.

I use to get angry, but it was mostly during my CSA... sometimes I still get so angry that I throw things at walls and I throw "temper tantrums".. I dunno, I wish I could help but for me, time has kind of been easing it I think... or maybe it's that I'm becoming passive too, I dunno

Either way, welcome and I hope you are as comfortable here as I have become

[Jules]

Welcome to AS

[kimbees324]

sharlap,

I am really sorry for the things that led you here ut I am glad that you found your way to AS. Take your time and look around; I am sure that you will be feeling comfortable and at home in no time. There are a lot of great people here who will offer you the support and encouragement you are looking for and deserve. I look forward to seeing you around the board.

Take good care of yourself, ok?

[John]

Welcome to AS sharlap!

I hope you find the support and healing you're looking for here at AfterSilence, I know many people can relate to how you're feeling and can offer support and understanding

I look forward to seeing you here and please know you're not alone here

[longingforhappiness]

Welcome to AS! I am so sorry what brings you here If I may! Read my story if you like we both have our biological fathers that have left such scares for us to endure the pain they have caused. I am sorry again this has happened to you. I feel my story is unusal as my abuse was a loooong history. Hope to see you around on the site.

Edited November 8, 2008 by longingforhappiness

[probably]

Hello and welcome to AS